Dad there's something I have to tell you

[BufferAqua]

See this 1930 comic strip? See the pain Minnie has inflicted on him? I SHIP MICKEYRIKU, TOO!

Daughter, this dumb jock dumped you in this text message..... On my phone.....

 

[Sorafan]

Dad, I think she just hung herself.

 

[Emperor]

I'll leave saving her up to you then.

Mom, I scraped my knee.

 

[MegaWallflower]

Yeah, well, you wanna know what injuries I got when you were born?!

Dad, what are these weird figurines you have?

 

[KingdomKey]

They're collectibles and cost tons of money, you best leave them be.

Mom, am I a pretty princess?

 

[MegaWallflower]

Yes, darling, you are. And the judges at this beauty pageant better agree or Mommy will have some words for them.

Dad, I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or something! I want to be a butterfly when I grow up!

 

[Emperor]

If that what makes you happy dear. *whispers to wife* Looks like we're going to have to bet our future on the other kid.

Dad, why do I have to paint Grandpa's house?

 

[Sorafan]

Because he's paying me $1000 to force you to do it.

Dad, I have done nothing but lie to you for the past ten years.

 

[Pandymint]

It's okay, son, your mother and I's marriage is a lie.


Dad, does it make me a bad person if I wanna take a boat, a half bottle of Jack Daniels and a guitar and just float down the flood waters, and when I pass one of the floating coffins wave and say "Good evening, Sir or Ma'am. A song to pass the time as we ride the River Styx?" and then play a song?

 

[Emperor]

Of course not, do you have any idea how bored dead people must be? Going out of your way to play them a song is touching. ... Besides, some of people in those caskets might have jewelry on them. Take that as payment.

Dad, can you buy us tickets to the football game?

 

[BufferAqua]

I told you, I HATE football!

Mom, brother has been sleeping with girls for money.

 

[MegaWallflower]

See, I told you he was clever. He's bringing in money. Why can't you be more like him?

Dad, I'm going to run away and get married to this spoony bard.

 

[BufferAqua]

Son of a submariner!

DAAAAD, SOME GUY STABBED A GIRL ON THE BACK. I THINK THATS A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER!

 

[Anagram]

That's okay. We'll treat it like we did School Days.

Mother-in-law, the truth is she was pregnant before the wedding.

 

[MegaWallflower]

I KNEW IT! YOU TWO-BIT, SPOONY LITTLE BARD! I'LL SEE YOU ROT IN HADES FOR THIS!

Mom, actually... Dad didn't leave one night all those years ago. I buried him alive in the backyard.

 

[Anagram]

....I'm okay with this.

Father-in-law the truth is....I got the sister pregnant too.

 

[MegaWallflower]

YOUR sister? What is wrong with you?!

Dad, the truth is... I'm not actually your son. I'm two gnomes in a costume.

 

[Anagram]

Son quit watching Gravity Falls.

Mother....sis is pregnant.

 

[Xickin]

Better her than you, I guess.

Mom, dad, I can't keep this a secret anymore...I'm actually black

 

[Anagram]

So?

Brother.....Dad broke your PS4.