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Comedic Sexual Misadventures



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Goddard

Goddard

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Originally Posted by Some random retard who is better off staying out of the gene pool


ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?
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Do you have a similar heart-(and other organs, no doubt)scarring tale of woe? Share it here. We won't laugh at you. Honest.
 
O

Oberon

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Oh my god. N64 games are the ultimate exchange I guess.

I have some decent stories but sadly I'm on my phone and don't have the energy to write them all out.
 
Hero

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That was hilarious, and yet disgusting at the same time. 7 year age difference ftl! Reminds me of something that happened during high school.

Jeeze that guy is a loser. There's other ways to lubricate a girl you know...
 
Able_Beard

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Blank_Points said:
That was hilarious, and yet disgusting at the same time. 7 year age difference ftl! Reminds me of something that happened during high school.

Jeeze that guy is a loser. There's other ways to lubricate a girl you know...
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I feel the girl has Horrible negotiation skills if she would give it up for two N64 games...I mean at least get Ocarina of Time or Mario 64..geez Diddy Kong Jr Racing? Really?
 
Hamster Lord

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Oberon said:
Oh my god. N64 games are the ultimate exchange I guess.

I have some decent stories but sadly I'm on my phone and don't have the energy to write them all out.
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One time I went into a three feet deep part of my creek during the winter so my brother would give me his old N64. This was when I was five.

Soooo worth it.
 
Hero

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Able_Beard said:
I feel the girl has Horrible negotiation skills if she would give it up for two N64 games...I mean at least get Ocarina of Time or Mario 64..geez Diddy Kong Jr Racing? Really?
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I mean I could say the guy played on her innocence seeing as she's 15, but I knew someone who I thought was innocent and didn't turn out to be at all. In the end, she might have just wanted it. She could have used the games as an excuse for herself.
 
Able_Beard

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Blank_Points said:
I mean I could say the guy played on her innocence seeing as she's 15, but I knew someone who I thought was innocent and didn't turn out to be at all. In the end, she might have just wanted it. She could have used the games as an excuse for herself.
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I mean..how many 15 year olds now a days even own a N64..some don't even know about N64 lol. I feel like this is just a joke..at least that's what I'm hoping..scary to think there might me some girls out there like that..or even guys...
 
Goddard

Goddard

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Able_Beard said:
That's gotta be a joke right??
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Unfortunately no people, it's not a joke. How else are you going to know not to pour boiling fat onto a underage girl's genitals other than by recourse to hardcore pornography?

This is why I think that fetii should be exposed to pornography in utero, the same way some mothers use classical music or other recordings. That way, they'll be born already knowing everything there is to know about sex.
 
D

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i'm almost positive if you microwaved butter for 8 minutes she would be doing a lot more than crying
 
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