This is an old comedy I wrote a few years back. It's been a success before, so I decided to post it here. Anyway, the first chapter is a bit boring, but it gets much better, trust me. The 'chapters' are written as 'missions,' so don't get confused when I write that down. Anyway, read, rate, and rep.
Intro
Ever wonder what exactly is standing in the way of us and total world chaos?
Ever wonder what was the driving force in the world, but no one knew?
Ever wonder the real reason that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed?
The answers are here, in the Chronicles of Dirschbowder, an LPATM production. Read on, and immerse yourself in a story of truth, sadness, and mild comic relief. Enjoy.
Mission One: Reservation
Three hundred years ago, a botanist named Hans Wilfred Dirschbowder journeyed from America to Japan, to study plants there.
Understand, he was a really good botanist. In fact his newest creation was a plant-human hybrid - humans that were vegetable, and so eating them will not be cannibalism if you ever happen to be stranded on a mountain with only them for company or something. H.W. Dirschbowder was taking these hybrids over to Japan to collaborate.
After a few weeks he got tired of the whole thing and arranged to go back to America. Unfortunately one of his hybrids ate his plane ticket, and so he was stranded in Japan. (Yeah, they had planes. Awesome, isn’t it?)
Depressed, and with nothing else to do, he started his own town next to Nagasaki, and named it - gasp! - Dirschbowder. (DIRSH·bow·der, n - mythical town in Japan.)
Dirschbowder was a happy little town with happy little people, and really pretty gardens too. They’re credited with a few inventions like gunpowder, until the Chinese plagiarized it on a so-called diplomatic mission to wrest the secrets of fertilizer from them. Its army, too, was also a heroic thing - eighty percent of the male population in the army, all standing guard around the entire city, twenty four seven. Females in the army? Is that like a joke?
Its main asset, however, was spawning two men who would ultimately change the world. They were nothing extraordinary, unless you call being completely crazy extraordinary. This would be about early 20th century. The scene is as follows.
The president of Dirschbowder was dead. Mourners carried his body through the streets. The upper government officials looked sad for the cameras. General riots ensued throughout the city. You know… the normal stuff.
But there was work to be done, even as everyone cried their eyes out. A new president and a new general of the army had to be elected. In the next day, a young man named President Leaf was elected. His best friend, General Cell, was elected the general, as was the custom. As we carefully zoom in on them from a far off camera, they are walking in a garden, congratulating each other.
“So,” General Cell said breezily. “Congrats on being the new president.”
“Yep,” Leaf sighed. “Think of all the stuff I’ll be able to do. I hear there’s great food special for the president. I might even get fat like you.”
“Meh. Maybe,” the General muttered, missing the point completely. “So what’re you going to do?”
“Live ma life to the fullest,” Leaf replied.
“Right, but what are you gonna do for Dirschbowder?”
Leaf gave him a strange look. “Who cares?”
And that’s where it all began…
You might find this first chapter a bit bland, and if you do, that's fine, because I do too. Like I said though, it gets much better, so bear with me and you'll enjoy it. Last person I showed it to almost choked on his milkshake. While I don't want to kill any of you, I do want you to enjoy the thing. So.
EDIT: Forgot to mention. I'll update every three days as most of the missions are already written. (It was originally a comic). So. Just... I don't know.
Intro
Ever wonder what exactly is standing in the way of us and total world chaos?
Ever wonder what was the driving force in the world, but no one knew?
Ever wonder the real reason that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed?
The answers are here, in the Chronicles of Dirschbowder, an LPATM production. Read on, and immerse yourself in a story of truth, sadness, and mild comic relief. Enjoy.
Mission One: Reservation
Three hundred years ago, a botanist named Hans Wilfred Dirschbowder journeyed from America to Japan, to study plants there.
Understand, he was a really good botanist. In fact his newest creation was a plant-human hybrid - humans that were vegetable, and so eating them will not be cannibalism if you ever happen to be stranded on a mountain with only them for company or something. H.W. Dirschbowder was taking these hybrids over to Japan to collaborate.
After a few weeks he got tired of the whole thing and arranged to go back to America. Unfortunately one of his hybrids ate his plane ticket, and so he was stranded in Japan. (Yeah, they had planes. Awesome, isn’t it?)
Depressed, and with nothing else to do, he started his own town next to Nagasaki, and named it - gasp! - Dirschbowder. (DIRSH·bow·der, n - mythical town in Japan.)
Dirschbowder was a happy little town with happy little people, and really pretty gardens too. They’re credited with a few inventions like gunpowder, until the Chinese plagiarized it on a so-called diplomatic mission to wrest the secrets of fertilizer from them. Its army, too, was also a heroic thing - eighty percent of the male population in the army, all standing guard around the entire city, twenty four seven. Females in the army? Is that like a joke?
Its main asset, however, was spawning two men who would ultimately change the world. They were nothing extraordinary, unless you call being completely crazy extraordinary. This would be about early 20th century. The scene is as follows.
The president of Dirschbowder was dead. Mourners carried his body through the streets. The upper government officials looked sad for the cameras. General riots ensued throughout the city. You know… the normal stuff.
But there was work to be done, even as everyone cried their eyes out. A new president and a new general of the army had to be elected. In the next day, a young man named President Leaf was elected. His best friend, General Cell, was elected the general, as was the custom. As we carefully zoom in on them from a far off camera, they are walking in a garden, congratulating each other.
“So,” General Cell said breezily. “Congrats on being the new president.”
“Yep,” Leaf sighed. “Think of all the stuff I’ll be able to do. I hear there’s great food special for the president. I might even get fat like you.”
“Meh. Maybe,” the General muttered, missing the point completely. “So what’re you going to do?”
“Live ma life to the fullest,” Leaf replied.
“Right, but what are you gonna do for Dirschbowder?”
Leaf gave him a strange look. “Who cares?”
And that’s where it all began…
You might find this first chapter a bit bland, and if you do, that's fine, because I do too. Like I said though, it gets much better, so bear with me and you'll enjoy it. Last person I showed it to almost choked on his milkshake. While I don't want to kill any of you, I do want you to enjoy the thing. So.
EDIT: Forgot to mention. I'll update every three days as most of the missions are already written. (It was originally a comic). So. Just... I don't know.