Captain Food America (Rough Revision)



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Noel

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English Class Essay. I had a little fun obviously to much fun. Should uve' brought in Crescents.
Esprit Frame, and as well another story called Tales of the Vagrant will be here soon.


I mean, remember folks. If you're gonna post something online thats for school, make sure you tell your teacher about it.

Captain Food America (Rough Revision)​
All right you freshly squeezed orange juice Cadets, I am Sergeant Aunt Samantha, and we’ll be preparing you for the most dignified war of the millennium. This will be our first ever war against the global force of food, especially the Fascist Empire of Fast Food. They are a major threat of the munchies and to us, not just as a nation but as the whole world, we must stop them to end this tyranny they affectionately call obesity. This is `Merica you scallywags, we must show that we are the most healthy, fit, and absolutely the most dietary conscious society in this age! We need to show and set a prime example of why we’re the golden country, and I’m obviously not talking about their propagandizing golden chicken nuggets. Before we even set our selves and invade their industrialized factories or their so-called homeland to destroy their golden arches, and burger royalty. We must prepare and arm our selves and make sure we have the proper training and ideas in our own mind. Just sending you with a rifle of celery isn’t going to help this international problem. We must first, establish a proper base or bases as I should say, find proper ways to get you lazy Oranges off your butts and as well make our own resources, so in the end we shall see who ever can have the last—albeit have it be healthy—bite.

First off, you see that place there? Right over there, that mess of a place we unaffectionately call the cafeteria that feels more like an absurd dark closet where we throw random pieces of food, and consider it healthy? We’re demolishing it down to the ground as of now, and creating a true beautiful cafeteria where we can proudly showcase the food we have served for you that day. With lights that actually show all the vibrant colors, textures, and smells that would be irresistible to even the pickiest eaters. You young Cadet, right there! Would you ever eat a 5 star meal, if it had come from the latrines? I thought so, no one would have. Now drop down and give 10, for not paying attention. The reason we’re organizing a new building for our food is to show you that even, the most oddly looking food can look amazingly appetizing if you gave it the right conditions if had received a little justice.

Now if you thought this was just studying academically to find some amazing strategy to pin down the Fascist Empire of Fast Food or FEFF for short. You are entirely dead wrong; we’ll be aiming you to motivate you to even do the littlest activities that can possibly save you from suffering the noxious mustard and ketchup gasses FEFF have in their disposal. So instead of having an entire staff devoted to cleaning after your messes, you are all required to clean up this base. Your mother isn’t here to pick up after you, so cleaning after your self and keeping our base of operations spotless can kill the calories that you mistakenly kept when your running away because of the notorious Junk Food regiment firing fries from their Fryer Rifles. Did you know that they even dip their bullet fries in beef oil for the extra kick in the heart attack? What a cruel and mundane way to die if I had to throw in my two cents in.

Now if you haven’t known, when I was your age and a cadet just like you. One of the most beloved drill instructors, Mr. Rettinger had mentioned that this town of Elsinore used to have watermelon fields all around the lake to supply wealth and delicious fruit to the folk of this amazing city. Guess what? They’re all gone thanks to FEFF, but now we’re bringing them back! As well as growing other sources of fruit, vegetables and other quality items, that should be served to everyone here. We’ll also be contacting Dejong’s Dairy as well to provide milk that was literally plucked from a cow barely 5 miles away from this base. We can honestly not get fresher milk than that unless you milk the cows your selves. Which if with your consent you can participate in helping the farms and dairies with whatever assignments they ask you to do. You should feel obligated to do so, since this is our town, our community. We want it to be shining in our golden years, not rusting with golden arches in all Four Corners.

So have you young Oranges had an exquisite taste of what’s to come for our preparation in order to destroy the Fascist Empire of Fast Food? We must show them that our health is much more important than their chemicals or fryer weapons. My amazing husband as you know, Uncle Sam has gotten incredibly fat because of them, and as well as others. So we must show FEFF that us, nay, Humanity prefers to be fit, having amazing quality and healthy meals so we can prove to them, not every little thing needs to be processed in their homeland. We can grow it here, have it taste, look better, than their falsely advertised commercials. All because we committed our own work to it, and as we know. A little hard work can make the sourest apple taste sweet.
 
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Roxie1563

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Wow, that's a good essay and I felt it struck true to home. I'm not a fan of veggies, but fruits I am. Yeah, I'm little different when it comes to food, but hey, food is food. :3

Honestly, I laughed a bit throughout the thing and I loved about the celery being used for a weapon. xD Wonderful work, Noble, for your return to the land of KHI! :D
 

Noel

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Gratzi Roxie <3

Honestly I made it more absurd than I should uve'. All it was supposed to be was a proposal on how to fight obesity or something and I some how turned it in to a WW2-esque army recruitment propaganda movies. Down side was that I had cite 3 separate articles or pages about obesity that I obviously failed to do. Awh well. My heart was there.
 

Roxie1563

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Gratzi Roxie <3

Honestly I made it more absurd than I should uve'. All it was supposed to be was a proposal on how to fight obesity or something and I some how turned it in to a WW2-esque army recruitment propaganda movies. Down side was that I had cite 3 separate articles or pages about obesity that I obviously failed to do. Awh well. My heart was there.
You're welcome, Noble! :3

Heh, it worked, didn't it? And your heart was truly in there. :D You did your best and that counted for something.
 

KingdomKey

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Oh, how I missed reading your stories, Noel. The essay was splendid and an amusing thing to read. I like how it got to the source of the real problem in 'Merica. If only everyone would stop making processed food and start growing everything again. In any case, I like how you called the cadets Oranges. Overall, this essay has your flare in dialect and writing style. :)
 

Noel

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I'm glad you two enjoyed it!

I'll be hoping to publish the first bit of my new story during the weekend. c:
 
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