[the fragmental collective]
This one is sort of a continuation of the last story. Basically, me and my sister collabed on a novel idea. For Christmas this year part of my gift for her is a short story version of that idea. As a result it's kind of messy, being that a lot of it is obviously intended for a novel-length piece (such as the cast of 9 characters, many of whom arent really fleshed out in the piece just because of word constraints). But I'm hoping it at least gives a tease of what the full novel could be like. It's very very rough and I'm really looking for feedback on this one because, again, I want to give it as a gift.
So please, please, please let me know what you think and any suggestions/feedback you have.
we were younger.
PROMPT: XMAS GIFT
CONTENT WARNING: N/A
WE WERE YOUNGER
-FRAGMENTS OF A NOVEL-
The summer between the seventh and eighth grade I was fat, lonely and new to Vesperia having just moved there a few weeks prior from the city. Well, I mean, I still am fat, but the lonely stranger thing was new for me at the time. Back in my old home I was hardly popular, but I always seemed to have friends. I had never been in a relationship but at the time it didn’t seem like a big deal. Moving to Vesperia though, I was suddenly very aware of just how alone one person could feel. We moved at the tail end of the school year so I hadn’t had any time to make friends. Hell, I didn’t even seem to have acquaintances yet. I was just the strange chubby kid, no one wanted anything to do with me. I don’t know what my parents were thinking. It was a small town — there was no hope for me there. By the time everyone was about to enter high school, they already had their friend groups sorted and locked down. All these little cliques and just… me orbiting around them like some overweight moon child. Of all the cliques though, theirs was the one that captivated me the most…
Every day, didn’t matter if it was ridiculous hot out or pouring rain, a group of eight kids would play baseball together. They did it during recess, at lunch, and after school. Eventually someone would kick them off the field but instead of packing it up and going home, they’d just move to a different field. Now I knew next to nothing about baseball back then, but I knew as I watched the eight of them play, that I wanted to be with them. There was just something so… comfortable about them. Even though some of them were so different from the other members of their group, there was an ease to their interacting that I had never seen before. They knew each other, but more than just the friends I had growing up, it was something else, something deeper. You could see it in the way that they sometimes didn’t even speak to each other. They’d just give each other a look, and that was it. The truth was, I had never been understood like that by anyone in my life, and it pulled me to them, heart first.
Like I said, I didn’t know shit about baseball, but the one thing I did know was that a team had nine players, and they were one short. I figured I could be their ninth man and just take up space in the outfield or something. It didn’t even really require me to be any good. The trouble was I was nobody to them. It’s not like they were just going to offer up a spot in their group to someone they didn’t even know existed. The only one of them I had even sort of interacted with before was Shane.
Shane DeVon lived next door. As far as I could tell, he was the closest thing to a “leader†that the group had. The day we moved into our new house I saw him as we were unpacking boxes from the moving truck. He was watching us from the sidewalk. I didn’t really know what to make of him when I saw him standing there. He was wearing what looked like a vintage letterman jacket that was just slightly too big for him — a hand-me-down of some sort, I guessed — and a pastel pink baseball cap that stood out against his dark skin. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans as he seemed to study us. Occasionally he’d tap the toe of his PF Fliers against the sidewalk as he stood there. I gave him a little wave, perhaps too eager, but he responded kindly with a nod, and then, a smirk. He headed inside his own house and that was that. Since then, whenever we crossed each other walking to and from school he would always nod my way, but that was the limit of our interactions, really.
It was weird though. Even before we became friends I felt something toward him. Like some sort of magnetism pulling us together. They may have just been polite nods on the street, but even then it felt like something bigger was happening, that it was the beginning of some new destiny between us. Or, at least, that’s what I told myself at the time. Still, it would be weeks before I actually talked to him. Until then though, I’d watch him as he and his group of friends played ball. There was something so charismatic about him. The group would never claim to have an actual honest leader, but it was clear watching them that Shane naturally slotted into that role. And the others were happy to play along.
Over the last few weeks of school heading into the summer, I tried to learn everything I could about their group from our other classmates. I didn’t really know how much of it all was truthful, but by the end of school I felt like I at least had a better grasp on who they all were — at the very least, what everyone else thought of them. Aside from Shane, there were seven other members of the group: Erik, Julia, Chase, Riley, Ava, Zoey, and Cody.
Erik Holden was a thin pale boy most known for being an artist than for playing baseball. He was also the only exception to the general rule that the gang played ball every lunch time. He’d often be found in the art room working on his latest masterpiece. Somehow even his baseball clothes had paint on them. Before I talked to the group, he was probably the member that gave me the most hope that there might have been room for me among them as he didn’t exactly fit the ideal baseball player image either.
Julia Baker was considered by many to be the prettiest girl in the school. She pretty much fit all the markers of “conventional†beauty standards — blonde, fair skinned, blue eyed. A lot of the guys in our grade seemed to be infatuated with her. Maybe even some of the girls, too.. If Julia noticed, she didn’t seem to care or pay them any attention though. Most of her time was spent focusing on ball and flowers. She was obsessed with plants and flowers and every summer would somehow find time to maintain a beautiful garden while juggling everything else. Frequently you could find flowers tucked into her baseball cap.
Chase Vickers came from a Japanese-African family. Aside from Shane, he was probably the other member most known for their charisma and good looks. Most everyone I talked to had nothing but good things to say about Chase. He was known most for being a genuinely good guy. If you ever asked for help or a favour, he was there for you even if you hardly knew him. Rumours had it that he and Julia had started dating, but whether or not there was any truth to that — or if any of the other members of the group knew yet — remained to be seen.
Riley McKay was deaf. She only spoke through sign language, and the rest of the group had learned sign language to be able to communicate with her too. Frequently you’d see them all in class signing to each other, knowing that the teachers and other students had no idea what they were saying. In a way, it had almost become something like a secret language between them, even though for Riley it was really her main one. After Shane, she was easily the best player on the team and came at everything with a clear determination. I didn’t know her yet of course, but I got the sense that the group mattered the most for her.
Ava, one of the Pascal Twins, was described by many of our classmates as a “Filipino Gothâ€. Whether or not she actually thought of herself as goth or not, I didn’t know. Most of it came from the way she dressed, almost always in all black, with dark eyeliner. She was one of the quieter members of the group, always seeming to be more interested in listening than talking. Some kids claimed she was something of a witch and would cast spells on people, but I really doubted it.
Zoey, the other Pascal Twin, was nothing like her sister. While Ava was rough, Zoey was soft. She would always wear light coloured vintage dresses from the 50’s or some shit. She even insisted on wearing dresses while playing baseball. As a result her legs and knees were always covered in scratches, bruises and wounds, but she didn’t seem to mind at all, nor did she make any attempt to cover them up.
Cody Smalls, or as everyone seemed to call him — “Codes†— was the last member of the group. He had dark skin and dense curly hair. He was obsessed with codes and ciphers. His baseball mitt was covered in coded messages and he similarly doodled messages in the margins of all of his notebooks. Often he could be found tapping morse code messages to the other members of the group. Not many people really seemed to “get†Codes, but they always seemed to.
Suffice it to say that they were kind of an intimidating group. All the classmates had stories about them, rumours, things they understood, but none of them could really claim to be friends with any of them, exactly. They were primarily, first and foremost, only really friends with each other. And trying to break into that group seemed impossible.
Honestly, if it weren’t for Shane probably none of this would have happened, because all the others thought I was just a lost cause.
* * *
After embarrassing myself in front of them one day after finally having worked up the courage to approach them, it seemed like it would be hopeless. I had slowly inched my way onto their field, thinking… I don’t even know — that they just wouldn’t notice me until one day they did? It wasn’t really well thought out. But it wasn’t long until a ball was knocked right towards me and that’s when I proved just how little I could play the game. Not only did I totally not catch it, but it also hit me hard and I toppled backwards. It was mortifying, but things only got worse when I tried to throw it back to them and illustrated painfully that, yeah, I didn’t even really know how to do that well either.
I could hear them laugh at me as I ran back home completely ashamed, doomed to enter high school that fall with no friends whatsoever. I didn’t know what I was thinking, that some fat kid with no knowledge about sports whatsoever, could just easily slot in with them like it was nothing. It was so incredibly foolish of me, and as I lay in bed that night I was utterly convinced that that was it. I blew it.
I don’t know why — maybe he felt the same weird destiny feelings that I did — but Shane became determined to get me into the group’s good graces. The next day I found him waiting for me on our front lawn. I didn’t really know what to expect when I approached him but he flashed me a grin and stood up. He gave me a new baseball mitt and one of his old baseball caps and told me to meet him after dinner the next few weeks at the baseball diamond they played at. I thought about declining, just… cutting my loses right then and there after having already made a fool out of myself, but Shane seemed to sense my hesitation before I even vocalized it. Said that if after we hung out for the next couple weeks that I still didn’t want to try and get in with everyone, that it’s okay, but he wouldn’t accept me giving up without trying first.
And so, of course I agreed.
That first day part of me thought maybe it was all just a cruel prank as I sat against the chain link fence of the baseball diamond. I went there straight after dinner and felt like I had been waiting for a long time already. Maybe he wasn’t serious at all. Maybe it was all just some weird joke to see if I would really humiliate myself even further. I was ready to call it and go home just when Shane finally arrived, running and carrying a ball and a bat.
“Sorry,†he said, “my parents wouldn’t stop talking my ear off about high school and shit. I couldn’t get away until just now. Have you been here long?â€
“It’s okay,†I said, feeling a lot more at ease now that he was actually here. “I don’t know if you really want to still do this though… I’m just not go—â€
“Look — Tristan, right? — you’re right. You’re not good at this. But that isn’t the same thing as you never being able to be good at it, right? Like we all had to start somewhere, and for you, you’re starting tonight. And that’s okay. I’ll help you.â€
“I just don’t think—â€
“Well, stop thinking,†he said with a laugh. “I think that’s part of your problem. You think too much. Worry too much.â€
I was about to object when he tossed me the ball. I completely fumbled it and it hit the dirt. My cheeks reddened as I stared at the ball. Even a simple toss I couldn’t catch, what real hope did I have? Shane got close to me as he picked the ball off the ground when it became apparent that I was, well, thinking too much. He placed his hand on my shoulder and shook me lightly.
“Stop thinking,†he said. “C’mon, we’ll try again.â€
And we did. Over and over again. He’d throw the ball and I’d usually drop it or fumble it. I’d try tossing it back to him, and while he always caught it, he’d usually after really reach and strain in order to do so. But he wouldn’t let us give up, just kept going, never reacting with exasperation or anything when I’d fail again and again, almost as if it wasn’t even registering to him that I was doing anything wrong.
“Your dad never played catch with you or anything?†he said after a while. It wasn’t an accusatory or judging tone or anything like that. Just curious.
“No,†I said, finally starting to get a bit of a better handle on catching the ball with my mitt. “He’s kinda like me. Has like an office job and stuff. More into computers than sports.â€
Shane nodded. “You and Codes would probably get along. He’s really into computers and codes and stuff.â€
I nodded, not wanting to reveal that I had already known that from school gossip. I simply threw the ball back to him, and miraculously, it was a decent throw.
“Hey there you go,†he said with a grin. “That was really good. You’re getting it.â€
I blushed a little bit, but tried to pretend like I hadn’t. I wanted to ask why he was doing this, why he was being so nice to me, but at the same time I didn’t want to jinx it. It almost felt like a dream being with him, having a friend, and I didn’t want to wake up and find out it was nothing after all. So we just kept going, throwing the ball back and forth, back and forth, until the summer light began to fade completely and we had to call it a day.
“Thanks,†I said on the walk home together.
“For what?†he asked.
“This.†I scratched at my wrist and avoided meeting his gaze. “I just… I don’t know. I moved here a few weeks ago and this is probably the first time I didn’t feel…†I sighed. “Just, thanks. Like, even if this was just a one-off or whatever, I’m glad it happened.â€
He put his hand against my chest, stopping me. “Dude,†he said, his expression serious. “It’s not a one-off, okay?â€
I nodded unconvincingly.
“I’m serious.â€
“Okay,†I said.
“You’re an okay guy, Tristan,†he said, removing his hand. “You just overthink things too much. Once you get out of your own head so much, you’ll be great.†He nodded back to his house. “I better go. But, I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? ‘Til then, try thinking less,†he added with a smile.
I chuckled. “Fine. I’ll try.â€
“Good night, Trist.â€
“Night, Shane.â€
I watched him head inside before I, too, went back home. That night, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and what tomorrow would be like.
* * *
The next few nights were spent practicing throwing and catching while Shane told me more about his life, his friends, and the rules to baseball. We became closer and closer and, thankfully, I also got better and better at the fundamentals. My throw was no longer piss poor and laughable and was, in fact, serviceable. I was finally starting to feel good about myself when Shane announced that we were going to move on from catching the ball and instead start working on hitting it. I was dreading it. He of course pointed out that the same could have been said about catching just a week ago and look at me now, so I did my best to keep my doubts and worries about using the bat at bay. However unsuccessful I probably was.
I gripped the bat tight and stared down at Shane at the pitcher’s mound. He coiled his arm and shoulder and snapped the ball toward me. I gritted my teeth as a swung the bat and… missed. I tossed him the ball and we tried again. Another strike. And another. And another. I started sweating from the frustration and embarrassment, getting even more flustered and feeling like a failure.
“Just keep your eye on the ball, okay?†Shane said as he got ready to pitch it again.
Another strike.
“I feel like that’s what I’m doing?†I shouted back. I started pulling at my clothes a bit, feeling self-conscious about the amount I was sweating and getting flustered. About how sad and pathetic I must look to him, another fat kid who sucked at sports. diddly.
He wound up and threw again and I tried to watch the ball, tried to imagine me hitting it and succeeding, but I didn’t. I was shaking as I held the bat tighter and tighter, feeling like I was just second away from hurling it against the fence and giving up. Shane dropped his mitt on the ground and jog over to me. He put a hand on my shoulder and tried to calm me down.
“I just don’t think I can do this,†I panted, trying to hold back what felt like the beginnings of tears — and then feeling ashamed that I was almost crying over something so silly.
“You can, Trist,†he said. “You’ve gotten so much better since we started and it’s the same thing with this, okay? It’s hard at first, and it sucks, but you’ll keep at it and you will get better. You just gotta stop spiraling before that happens. You can’t give up before you have a chance to improve.â€
“I don’t get how, though,†I said exasperatedly. “I feel like I’m trying everything and I just keep coming up short. I try to watch the ball, I try to imagine me hitting it, I try and it just isn’t…â€
“That’s the problem, Trist,†he tapped me on the head with his knuckles lightly. “You’re just too much in your own head again. If you weren’t thinking so much you would have hit that ball. You worrying so much and thinking about what others think of you that it’s getting in between you and the game. Just let it go.†He picked the ball up from the ground and came back over to me. “I’m gonna throw it to you again and this time, I just want you to stop thinking. Stop worrying about how you lookin or even what I think. It’s just you and the ball okay? Got that?â€
“Okay,†I said, nodding more so for myself than him. “Okay.â€
He clasped his free hand around the side of my neck. “You got this,†he said firmly.
I watched Shane run back to the pitcher’s mound, and pick up his glove. When I felt my cheeks burn a bit at the sight, I shook it off. I took a deep breath and let it all out slowly. In, out. He readied the pitch, and then, the ball was hurling toward me.
Snap.
The bat smashed the ball and sent it flying. I stood there in disbelief as I watched it fly far into the field. Shane was shouting and jumping, but I barely registered it until he collided into me and pulled me into a hug. I felt so warm as he wrapped his arms around me tight, his voice booming in my ears as he congratulated me, said I did it, said he was proud of me. I smiled the biggest grin since we moved here, maybe even since before then too. I dropped the bat and wrapped my arms around him, too.
We kept practicing after that, and while not all my attempts at batting were as successful, we still left the diamond for the night feeling a sense of euphoria. I felt like I really could do this, I really could become one of them, and the feeling made me so happy. Still, it was me, which meant some part of me was also doubting that feeling, and as we walked back home, I knew I couldn’t hold it in any longer — I needed to know why Shane was being so nice to me, why he was taking all this time to help me get better. The question built up more and more as we got closer to home, even as the conversation swung between different completely unrelated topics.
He was about to turn to head home when I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“What’s up?†he asked, detecting the change in my expression.
“I have to ask….â€
“Yeah?â€
“Just… why are you being so nice to me?†Shane looked taken aback for a second. “Like, I was no one to you, right? Like just some fat new kid. Why go through all this trouble? Do you have a bet going on or something?â€
“This isn’t a bad teen movie, Trist. No I don’t have a bet going on.â€
“Then why? Why do all of this?â€
Shane tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned back. He took a deep breath as he organized his thought. “Okay,†he began. “First off, you’re not nothing to me, okay? Or no one, or whatever. You gotta stop doing that.â€
“Doing what?â€
“I don’t know, putting yourself down all the time. It’s like you’re trying to do it before anyone else would like that makes it better or something, but it’s not. And it’s not, like, accurate or anything either. You’re not nothing. I really hope you don’t believe that about yourself, Trist, because it’s bullshit. You’re something. And I’m glad we’re friends, okay?â€
“Okay,†I said. And yet, I couldn’t help myself — “But still, why reach out in the first place? Before you really knew anything about me?â€
Shane sighed. “Honestly? I haven’t put nearly as much thought into it as you no doubt have.†He let out a small laugh. “Like, really.â€
“But… there had to be something, right?â€
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess…. I love my friends. They mean everything to me, and it’s crazy to me that not everyone has that, that not everyone can say that. Like, me and my friends… I don’t know. It’s something else. It’s on another level, y’know? But since Luke moved away and with high school starting… I don’t know, I think everyone is kind of worried that it means we’re just going to drift apart. The others don’t say it very much, but you can tell that something is going on. And I don’t want that. I want to show them that, yknow, just because that stuff happened or is gonna happen doesn’t have to mean we’re gonna lose each other. That, maybe, we can become even better. Have nine players again and stuff.†He kicked at a rock by his feet. “When I saw you that day, something just… I don’t know. It’s gonna sound weird, but something just pulled me to you. Like destiny or some shit.†He sighed. “I just knew I wanted to know you and I wanted to help you. I’m sorry if that makes you feel weird or something.â€
I didn’t really know what to say.
“It doesn’t make me feel weird.â€
“Look,†he said, “I didn’t really plan for this, but I’m glad it happened. I’m glad I got to know you, and so will the others once we show ‘em what you can do, right? Regardless of what you think, you’re a pretty great guy, and there’s a place for you with us, I know it. Is that alright?â€
“Yeah,†I said. “It’s alright.â€
Shane let out a breath of relief. “Good. Now all we gotta do is just keep practicing.â€
“You really think they’ll want me?â€
“Without a doubt.†He patted me on the shoulder. “We’ll show ‘em. I promise.â€
And somehow… he was right.
* * *
After another week or so of practicing together, Shane determined I was good enough to make a second attempt at impressing the gang. He brought me along to one of their games and while there was so push back from the team at this random newcomer being in their midst, once we played and they saw that I could hold my own now — that I had improved immensely — the push back pretty much died down completely. Some of them were more welcoming than others, but in general, they seemed willing to give me a shot going forward. And so we played together, pretty much as soon as we all had breakfast until we had to go home for dinner. It was then that I learned that they never really kept score, and their games never really ended. Every day they would just pick up where they last left off. The whole thing was more about the game and about being together than it was about competition or winners and losers. Knowing that made the whole environment a lot more welcoming for me as a newbie.
A week or so into my new membership into the group something happened that shook me up a little though.
We were playing ball like normal when Erik hit a home run with a loud crack of his bat. The ball soared through the air, going over the fence at the end of the field and down into one of the large, almost square-like ravine-style pits at the end of the road. Everyone immediately started booing him and hitting him with their baseball caps as he ran the bases, chuckling to himself. I was in the outfield watching this happen and the whole thing bewildered me.
“Eric, you idiot. Now we can’t play,†Ava said.
“Yeah, good job,†Chase chimed in.
Riley signed something I didn’t pick up and the others laughed.
Shane just shook his head, looking pretty disappointed that the game was over so early in the day since now we would have to wait to get another ball. I didn’t really get what the big deal was so I started walking over to the pit, exclaiming over my shoulder that they didn’t need to worry, that I could get the ball. I approached the edge of the pit and stared down. The whole thing was a wonder to me and I didn’t understand how it came to be made. The Pit was immense, practically square in shape and there were two on either side of the street. The bottom was filled with a small forest growing up and out of the pit, obscuring the depth almost completely. It made me uneasy just to look at it. Who knew what was down there, and the incline to the bottom was so steep it was practically a straight drop to the bottom with next to no hill. I was starting to question my ability to get down and out when I heard a chorus of screams and yells behind me. I turned to find the entire team running towards me at full speed, terrifying the shit out of me. I almost backed up and fell down into the pit.
Shane grabbed me and pulled me back and we rolled onto the ground next to the pit. He looked so serious and almost afraid as he shuffled us farther away from it. “What are you doing, Trist?†He exclaimed. “Are you tryin to get yourself killed?â€
I stared up at them bewildered. “I just.. I thought that I could get the ball. You all were so upset—â€
“If you were thinking, you wouldn’t have thought that,†Zoey said.
“Why not? What are you guys—â€
Riley signed something.
“Yeah,†Codes replied, also signing as he talked. “It’s a death wish.â€
Shane got up onto his feet and I ignored his hand to help me up, worried about hearing him strain to try and lift me. I dusted off my jeans. I turned to them, desperately looking for something in their concerned faces to help clue me into what the hell they were talking about. But I couldn’t make sense of it at all.
“It’s the Maple Beast, dude,†Chase said quietly.
I blinked. The Maple Beast. They had to be pulling my leg. “Are you guys joking?†But they didn’t look like they were at all. All of them stared back at me with solemn expressions.
“It lives down there,†Julia said. “In the maple forest growing up out of the bottom.â€
“It devours warmth, futures,†Erik said.
“Dreams,†Zoey added.
“It bleeds you out and carves your bones, man,†Shane said.
“And if you ever fall down there…,†Ava said.
Riley mimed cutting her throat.
“You’ll never see the light again,†Chase finished.
I turned to look back at the Pit, unable to see where the bottom began. It was true, there really was no way of knowing what was down there. If it weren’t for the way they looked, I probably never would have believed them. And yet, when I looked down at that impenetrable void, I felt unnerved. I asked them how they knew about it, and they said it was a local legend. Every few years a kid would go missing from the town, never to be found, but they all knew that it was the Maple Beast. They each regaled stories about people they knew who knew people who knew people that had disappeared. And the more they talked, never once breaking into a smile, I believed them more and more.
It was even something I had noticed before when I was practicing with Shane. We always walked by the pit on our way home, and whenever we did, he would always get strangely quiet, like he was holding his breath until we were past. At the time I hadn’t really thought much of it, but now, knowing what was down there and how they all felt about it, I got it. Whatever it was that was down there, whether it really was The Maple Beast or something else entirely — whatever it was, it had all of them scared.
And soon, I would feel it, too.
* * *
Most of the rest of summer went by without incident. As we continued to play baseball everyday, me and the rest of the gang got closer and closer. They warmed up to me and as I learned more about them all and interacted with them more I felt like I truly belonged. One day Shane and I went hiking up to the clay hills where I found that each member of the group had carved their name into the side of the mountain. It was overwhelming to look at all of this history between them. Just when I wondered if I’d ever really be a part of it, Shane handed me a knife and told me to carve my name in, too.
It was perhaps the best summer I had ever really known at that point. I was no longer alone. I had friends. We were happy playing ball and being able to forget about the looming future just ahead what with highschool fast approaching. The Maple Beast became little more than a distant thought as we continued to get into trouble together, bonding in a unique camaraderie I had never known. I was even beginning to pick up the basics of sign language more and more which I knew Riley appreciated even if I still was super rusty. One particularly hot day we all went to one of the local pools where Eric surprised us all by putting the moves on the female lifeguard who promptly (rightly) slapped him and got us banned forever. It was stupid and silly. But something to remember.
We were good. That’s why it didn’t even faze us when one of the rival baseball teams in the area challenged us to a game. Insults were thrown of course, but it never really got to us. It should come as no surprise really that we wiped the floor with them. I played the best I probably ever had up until that point that day and it felt really good when I hit my first homer and the team cheered me on. I don’t know how else to put it — I finally had somewhere I belonged and it was so much more than I ever imagined it could be.
To celebrate us winning the game, Shane took us all to the local carnival that was in town — everything on him. It was something I hadn’t ever really experienced living in the city. So strange and small town. Some of the rides looked sketchy and rundown but no one seemed to care or mind. We were all to busy being distracted by the multi-coloured lights, the sound of the crowd, and the feeling that we were invincible.
We had barely even begun to enjoy the festivities when Ava pulled us all aside. She opened her bag. “Something to mark the occasion,†she said as she pulled out a giant bottle of gin. The other kids beamed with so much excitement, at the thrill of doing something illegal, that we all crowded around to take large swigs of the harsh drink. I don’t even know why I did it, really, aside from just not wanting the feeling of the night to ever disappear. After every ride we’d all gather together and drink more, and soon it was starting to hit some of us. Even with me being careful not to take too large of drinks, I could feel it running through my veins. Everything felt both warm and kind of sickly, but I couldn’t care. I was with my friends. I was happy.
A bunch of them wanted to go on the Gravitron but I knew instinctively it would be a bad idea, so while they did that, me, Shane, Chase, and Riley went to the haunted maze/house/mansion/ride together. None of really quite knew what to call it, but we were excited, believing our emotions to be on edge from the drink it would likely be even scarier than usual. Well, except for Riley, who pointed out that a lot of the scares in these kinds of things are about loud noises. We handed the ride operator our tickets and headed inside.
It really wasn’t scary. It probably would have been for a bunch of kids for whom the ride seemed intended, but for us, even in our drunken state, it was more funny than anything. Still, as we walked through the darken corridors, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander. Something had been bugging me ever since it happened, and I don’t know what it was — maybe the alcohol — but now seemed like the time to bring it up. While Riley and Chase went on ahead, I grabbed Shane’s arm and led him back behind a corner in the ride, where we couldn’t be seen.
“What’s up, Trist? Are you scared or something?†There was no malice in his voice when he said it, like he was genuinely concerned and for some reason I found my heart beating a little too fast.
“No, it’s not that.â€
He leaned against the wall, gaze fixed on me intently. “Hey, I just want to say, you did really good in the game today.â€
My cheeks burned. “Thanks. It’s all because of you really. None of this would have happened.â€
Shane shook his head. “Don’t give me too much credit, dude. You were the one who hit the ball. This is all you. Celebrate.â€
I smiled. “Yeah†And before I could help myself, I added, “I’m really happy with you and the guys. This is… this is everything.â€
He laughed. “You’re tipsy aren’t you.â€
“No.†Yes. “But I’m serious. This summer has meant so much.â€
“Well, it’s not over yet. There’s lots to still look forward to,†he said. “Well, except going to the pools I guess, since Eric ruined that, haha.â€
I stood up. “I’ve been thinking about that lately…â€
“Are you bummed about it? I’m sorry for Eric dragging you into getting in trouble.â€
“No. It’s just… Hm.â€
“What?â€
“What he did… kissing that lifeguard…,†I shifted in my spot. “What… do you think it’s like?â€
Shane stood up. “Have you never been kissed Trist?â€
I looked down at my feet. “I mean, no one has ever wanted to—â€
Shane took my face in his hands. His brown eyes seemed clear and focused, right before he closed them and leaned in close. His lips met mine and I sunk into them. My heart blared as I felt his hands trail down my face, to my shoulders, to my back. He pulled me in tight against him. And then, he broke away. He caught my gaze and smiled.
“There,†he said. “Now you’ve been kissed.â€
I had never felt such warmth before, such a pull to another person. Before I knew it, I leaned in to him and kissed him, too. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I knew I would regret it forever if I didn’t. Just when I thought it was a mistake, I felt him kiss me back. And I swear in that moment, I had never felt so warm, so invincible, so…
Alive.
* * *
I walked home by myself in the early morning, before the sun was even up. Chase’s house, while close to the carnival, was awhiles away from my place, but I didn’t mind it. My mind running over everything that had happened the night before on repeat, trying to make sense of it all. In truth, the long walk would only help things as I tried to figure out what to make of it, and what it meant for the future of us. Shane and I had kissed, and I couldn’t deny it anymore, I had real feelings for him. Being around him… these past few weeks… the summer was the best one I had ever had, and all I wanted was to be with him, and be near him, and to kiss him again. But I didn’t really know what that kiss meant. Did he feel the same way? Or was it just a pity kiss? Or a drunken kiss? In the morning after, before I left Chase’s house, Shane was acting like himself. Like nothing had even happened. Did he even remembered what we did? And if he did… how did he feel about it?
I was torn. On one hand wanting to acknowledge these feelings and to have them returned, to be able to hold Shane’s hand and call him my boyfriend and to be happy together, finally. And on the other, scared that any acknowledgment might mean the end of everything, of us, of our group, of this new happiness I had entered in being one of them. I didn’t know how any of them would feel if they were to find out I was… like that, let alone if Shane was, too. We were all so close, but it would be naive to think that none of them would have a problem with it… with us.
These thoughts, and ones like them, filled my mind as I journeyed home. I was so lost in them that I almost shocked myself when I refocused on my surroundings and found that I was standing next to the Pit. Something was different this time though, like that feeling in the air right before something is about to happen, and you can feel the tension, the feel that you were right up to the precipice about to descend into a new reality. I approached the edge of the Pit and stared down into the impenetrable darkness below long and hard. The trees were swaying in the breeze, rustling. I could hear the crunch of twigs and leaves. I tried to focus on the bottom, but my eyes met nothing. And then, it felt like the Nothing was staring back.
I stood frozen in place, feeling almost like my heart was being pulled in. Destructive thoughts entered my mind, like what it would be like, to just… let go and fall in. To tumble down and discover, for real, what lay at the bottom. I shivered as I continued to watch the bottom for signs of life, all the while feeling like it was watching me for the same. Eventually, thankfully, I manged to pull myself away and quickly made my way home. I held tight to my sides as I thought about the Pit and what was waiting at its bottom, and, crucially, what it might mean for all of us. I tried to pull out of it, and focus back on the predicament ahead of me with Shane and the others, but something at the back of my mind kept nipping at me, forcing me to think back to the Pit. I told myself I was being silly, that maybe I was just hungover and mentally and emotionally exhausted. I put my worries away and climbed into bed and shut my eyes, tight.
Nothing would prepare us for the end of that fateful summer though—
when the Maple Beast would devour one of our own.
