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Help/Support ► Can anyone help me?



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ansemjafar

A.K.A. Jemxas
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Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone could me advice on how they feel about my topic. You see I am very shy and not very talkative. My self-esteem is low. I try to be positive but it is hard. Also I am single. I feel that I won't meet a nice girl that likes me for me. Another issue I think about is being a virgin. Yes I am a virgin. I was wondering if girls prefer guys who are not virgins. Thanks everybody for your time.
 

Halibel

??Storm??
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Well first about getting a girl maybe not hang out on KHI so much...lol jking. And I guess most girls prefer guys that have "experience" because they know how to do it right. Um not sure about that shy part, you have to find some place to hang out or where you can meet and talk to girls. This is what I think, there is someone for everyone it just takes time. I don't know if this helps or not but I wish you luck. ^^
 

Halibel

??Storm??
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Hmm a bar might work but eh isn't that where you go if you want sex? Lol I mean you want both, not just to get laid right? You could get a friend to hook you up with someone? Well it's different for everyone on how long it takes.
 

Dark-Disciple

The 5th Apocalyptic Rider
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A bar might not be the best place to hang out if you're truly looking for a good relationship....
It might help if you tell us a bit about your life. You know, that things you do on a daily basis. If we know some facts, we might be able to assess your situation and give you better/more concrete advice on what you should change or what you should try to do^

Oh, and if anything, remember, not everyone thinks about sex in a relationship^
 

risingfalls

Disjoin Remorse From Power
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Well, you're going to have to be a bit more outgoing...but I'm sure that you already figured that out...You really sound like a nice guy AnsemJafar, you really just have to work on that self esteem of yours. You might want to tackle the self esteem issue first, b/c that will give you confidence, and girls like guys with confidence....and you seem like you'd be sensitive to a girl's feelings...which some girls like too.
But maybe you should try and hang out with some friends, and they can introduce you to some people.
And Dark-Disciple is right, there is more than sex to a relationship, so don't worry too much about that.
 

khluva010

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wow umm. Well me being like ten years younger I would say girls wouldn't mind if your virgin but I don't know if it's the same for 20 year olds but I'm pretty sure it is. You'll find that special someone don't worry. You gotta put yourself out there! but since I'm so young this advice probably won't help. :/ Hope things get better for you!
 

Eikre

W.S.N.B.M./O.N.B.P.
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If your biggest issue is being a virgin, go find yourself a whore.

Otherwise, don't worry about it. I'm a virgin, and I don't care =D Still, the easiest way to go out and get some friends is by going outside. Got a gaming club at school? Join it. Sport you like, and preform well at? Join said Sports team. Any osrt of leadership-building camp/activity. Sign yourself up! You can't make friends and self-esteem if you stay inside. Doesn't work, trust me ^^.
 

Raiton Kensei

Peace through Violence
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I dont know about your shyness but going to a bar might get you some but because you want a relationship and not a one night stand then try blind dating. Or speed dating like on 40 Year Old Virgin. That way you get to meet many females and see which one fits your liking.
 

mesmerized

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It shouldn't matter if you're a virgin or not, some where along the line you're going to find the right person to share that with and you'll be better off then giving it to some stranger. Bars are indeed not the right place to go to find a good girl. I mean, you might land yourself an alcholic, and i know you don't want that. You got to burst out of that shell, go to a club [its way better then a bar] and step out of that comfort zone. You only live once ya know!

<33
 

black_myth

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heyy ansem my friend, i agree with mesmerized. being a virgin should not matter. and thier will be someone out thier but just dont wait for that someone expecting they will find u. if u do you may miss your only chance.
 

Rix

:)
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Hi! The first part is very like me! I'm very shy too... Just pm me if you will talk some more about it:) And for the virgin part.. It depends on the girl.. Some girls like guys with experience and other girls finds it cute with virgin boys:)
 

Blue

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Like everyone else said,it doesn't matter if you're a virgin or not.You will someday find someone who doesn't care about that at all,and she will like you the way you are.

:D
 

Enchanted Rose

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To be brutally honest, whether someone minds if you're a virgin probably depends on what they feel most comfortable with, and possibly whether they are virgins themselves. For some people, it's less intimidating, there are less expectations. But I...personally...would mind a bit.

If you are really serious about becoming less shy, you've really got to push yourself. It's good to do something new that challenges you (or even scares you) maybe each week. You could start of by
doing really simple things like talking to your neighbours as much as you can when you see them around, talking to people in queues, or randomly PMing people on KHI and introducing yourself to try and start up a friendship. Joining clubs is usually a good idea. Then you could progress to becoming more independent and assertive. In terms of finding girls, perhaps start by going to a club with your friends, and approaching girls in a group, and eventually narrow it down so it's you approaching a girl on your own.

Is there a particular reason why you are shy? Low self-esteem? (I'm really shy too, btw, but I try not let it get in the way of my life)
 

Lycanthrope

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Low self esteem, eh? My brother is like that. He's 12 though, half your age. I'll give you an example using his life, see if this may help you.

My brother got into soccer about 2 or 3 years ago. He had seen me playing it for my middle school. I wasn't a superstar or anything, but I set up and scored my share of goals. We even won a Championship one year. He admired that of me, but he wanted to be better than me. Unfortunately for him, his esteem athletically is low. But he worked and worked on becoming better. And, well, he's won a few Championships already.

The moral of the story, just work on your weaknesses. Get out there more, try meeting more girls.Get in there and meet a girl that's right for you.
 

gforce75

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Dec 29, 2007
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Well, regarding esteem.... only you can fix that. Like in the army, they say help is always here for you, but the irony is a person who is depressed or suicidal will not seek help. When it comes to low esteem, you have to dig deep for yourself. No advice can really change you execpt that you want the better things to come to you in life.

Being a virigin, that's potatoes. I waited till 19, but it's really no big thing. It's like when u drink the first time. If you drink before your 21, being 21 is no thrill... actually the thirll of drinking sort of fizzles out. Just keep ur head on ur shoulders and figure out what's in the best intrest for your life.

If you read, watch tv, and yes play ff, you will notice that all those who envy in life (like many) who do fall and do not recover unless they wanna change for the better
 

Mynny

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It took me a while to realize that I was shy, but wat helps me is if I go with a really close friend to meet new ppl. I was all by myself at this camp and I hardly said a word to anyone. But I joined the anime club at my skool with my friend, and I got to know a lot of ppl. But I didn't dive in and get to know them all at once. I approached them one on one, and made small talk with them, until I eventually knew all of em. It really helps if you're able to find ppl who share your biggest interests.

Virginity is not anything to be concerned about, but your personality is very important.

And about confidence, to gain sum u have to think about wat's blocking u from having it. Is it because you care what others think? Are you afraid of rejection? Wat? Then it'll be a bit easier to know wat u have 2 do to get over that, and become more confident. i.e., I cared too much of wat others thought of me. So then I tried to think about the things I liked about myself, and I realized if others didn't like it, o well. Now, I don't care, and I'm more comfortable w/ myself.
 
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