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Brittle Apocalypse



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tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

Archea could be said to exist somewhere out in space.
More details will be revealed in the next chapter.
Plus you'll be happily surprised to see exactly what side everyone is on in the end.
 

Andillexe

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Re: Savage Stars

Ooh, Leo's dad. Sounds interesting. And Archea seems cool. I wonder how they're all going to get out.

And what do you mean "happily surprised?" Is everyone going to end up good? That would be weird. And no matter how many times I tell myself that Leo and Gemini and them are the good guys, I just can't think of them like that. Looking forward to the next chapter.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

And no matter how many times I tell myself that Leo and Gemini and them are the good guys, I just can't think of them like that.

Haha. That's funny that you should say that.

Because that just makes me want to say, if you have any theories about who is going to appear and what exactly may be going on now, I would love to hear them.

But trust me, it's going to go all over that place before it actually gets anywhere.
 

Andillexe

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Re: Savage Stars

Here's my theory:

Leo and them are going to find Ethier and try to convince him to join the Zodiac, but he isn't going to want to. Then Chris and them are going to get out of Archea with the former Zodiac members and find Ethier and convince him to join their group because they're against the Zodiac.

Leo's dad comes into play somewhere, but I don't know where yet.
 

Almagest

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Re: Savage Stars

This may seem really nit-picky, but it bugs the astronomer in me. Stars twinkle. Planets do not. Therefore, the planet Mars cannot "sparkle".

I'm not sure how important this is to your story, but the actual dates where the sun passes through certain Zodiac signs is about a month off thanks to the 2,000 years of precession of the Earth's axis. So Gemini used to be the end of May and the first few weeks of June. Now Gemini is the end of June and the first few weeks of July. I'm not sure if you'll actually use the dates of the Zodiac in your story, but keep in mind that they're a month off from what they originally were.

Okay, inner astronomer satisfied =P

I really like this story and the twists you put in it. Keeps it interesting because I never know what to expect anymore. But the descriptions of what they're wearing can be tedious and unnecessary at times. Do we really need to know every last detail of their shoes and clothing?
 
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tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

As far Mars and the signs and dates. None of that truly matters. This story does not ever go into crazy specifics.

Those descriptions on clothes are, if you notice, are very rare. I only used that to show a huge change within each character plus I try to never really overuse it. Description is one of my weaker points when it comes to writing/
 

Kingdomkeylight

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Re: Savage Stars

lol yes describtion is a hellraiser isnt it. Besides I have never seen a bad describtion from you there all straight to the point but how you tell the story that way works.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

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Chris was staring into the faces of what he assumed should have been ghosts. Here before him was the entire collection that he, Isaac, Kibo, and Enka had personally taken care of in the past. Taurus only smiled. Everyone else had looks of discontent on their faces, but they seemed to all be waiting for something

Brittle Apocalypse
Chapter 4: Memento Mori​

Leo stood on a door step that he hadn't seen in years. His childhood home stood before him and he was beyond ecstatic that Gemini and Scorpio were here to help him handle this. He raised his hand and slowly knocked on the door several times. Silence responded to the knocks. He hoped to God that no one would answer.

Then from the other side of the front door, footsteps were heard approaching. The handle shook a little and turned. It opened to reveal a man that all of them recognized. A little too well.

"God damn." He turned away for a second and then replaced his gaze. "What the fuck do I have to do to make you leave me alone?"

"I'm just here to talk, dad." Leo took a step forward. "We need a little assistance. I'm on a mission no that requires that you...um...die." His father looked at him. He laughed a booming laugh that echoed in their ears.

"Oh really? And who is gonna do me in, huh? You little pieces of shit? I don't think so."

He began to close the door. Scorpio sent a single leather strap up and caught the hook on the mans shoulder. It dug in hard trying to break the skin to send a message. Scorpio showed strain in trying to cut him, but it just didn't work. The hook began to bend against the man's skin. He turned with a strange look back at Scorpio.

"I insist that you let us in..." Scorpio removed the hook. "...Jupiter."

*****

The Zodiac filled the room, but no one attacked. They all simply stood around the room. Chris was so confused. Isaac questioned the set up first.

"Either one of you explains or you all die right now." He took a quick look at everyone there.

"You think that you can possibly do anything here?" Capricorn stepped forward. "This place negates all powers and returns us to our natural earthly forms." Enka gasped a little.

"No wonder my arms and legs are normal again." He looked at himself again. "This place has made me human again."

"It's given all of us a second chance at life." Aries looked angrily at Chris. "Like we deserve."

Chris smirked lightly. He remembered the day he had killed Aries.

"So why exactly are we here?" Kibo looked to Taurus for answers. Obviously by his welcoming he knew a lot more than the rest of us.

"Well," He stopped to think. "Thats a tough question to answer. Me and Aries have been here for a long time and we both have spoken to the spirit that brought us here. All I can say is that he was waiting for Chris to speak with him. Apparently we all have some unfinished business." He looked at his hand.

"I can't believe that it's gone though." Everyone looked to Aquarius as she began talking. "My aqueous body is gone. I miss it now."

They all stood together in confused silence. Archea was becoming a more complicated place as the time went on. The room only had four walls and a strange console at the far end. Plus a strange symbol filled the center of the floor. As Chris noticed it, it began glowing brightly.

"Well then." Virgo finally opened her mouth. "I guess it's time for Chris to speak with him."

*****

The desk light flickered as it came on. A razor blade sat by itself on the desk. Ethier placed a roll of paper towels on the desk next to the lamp. He sat alone in his home.

The sounds of cars driving by outside couldn't distract him. It's time to see if my thoughts on this whole deal are correct. Ethier picked up the razor blade. He took a deep breath to prepare himself.

Lowering the blade down onto his right wrist, he cut deep. The blood ran down his arm into the desk and sat in a small puddle. Setting down the blade, he prepared his focus. Concentrating hard on the puddle, it began to rise and fluctuate in front of him. He slowly shaped the blood into a spike and watched it harden. Without a seconds notice, he punched several quick holes through the desk with blinding speed.

The blood began to loosen up and retreat into his arm again as the cut slowly closed and then disappeared. Ethier stared at his veins for a second and then a small smile stretched across his face.
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To be continued in
B.A. Chapter 5​
 
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madammina

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Re: Savage Stars

Nice chapter... I felt like SOMETHING was missing, I can't figure it out though.

Why is the dad named JUPITER? Unless it's really Zeus.

Ethiel looks like a villain.
 

tdc456

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Andillexe

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Re: Savage Stars

Wahh!! First of all, great chapter. Second of all, Leo's dad is Jupiter? Do all of the Zodiac's parents represent the planets, or is it just Leo's dad? And why does Jupiter have to die in the first place?

Also, who's the spirit that Chis has to talk to, the one that brought the dead Zodiac members to Archea? Is he good or bad? If he brought Chris and them back from the dead, Leo and the other Zodiac members probably don't like him.

And Ethier... I don't like how he's figuring his powers out. I agree with madammina, he's starting to seem like a villain to me.

Looking forward to the next chapter. ^_^
 

Kingdomkeylight

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Re: Savage Stars

Lol I have a feeling that this spirits going to be named after a star constalation since the title is Savage stars and the Zodiac are not the only star sets. Just a theory right now.

Either does seem evilish but we shall haft to hear his background before I judge anyways.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

Yeah, this sequel is much more in depth with back stories and the relations between characters get very complicated.

I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy this story and maybe somehow you will figure out what will be the ending before I do.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

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A fire crackled slowly as the four men sat down to talk. Jupiter sat and watched the three visitors carefully. His own son had come to see him. It had been years since they had spoken to each other, but could have cared less. Scorpio stared at the fire like it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen and Gemini seemed a little disinterested about everything. Leo simply stared at his father wishing he could take back every time he had told him that he loved him.

Brittle Apocalypse
Chapter 5: The Ties That Bind​

The symbol now illuminated the whole room. Chris waited for something else to happen. Looking around the room helped him notice something interesting. The symbol in the floor was a ring of the zodiac signs themselves. Everyone in the room was now slowly making their way to align themselves with the signs they represented.

Once everyone stopped moving, Kibo, Capricorn, and Aquarius were on the right side of the room. Enka, Aries, and Taurus were directly across from him. Cancer and Isaac were to his left. Virgo was standing only a few feet away and Chris stood facing a picture of scales embedded in the floor before him.

Only missing two more signs, those respective pictures ceased to glow and everyone was surrounded by a strange light. Chris found the light began to circle him as well and when it completely entrapped him, he no longer saw anything other than white. Just as he tried to call out for someone, a voice with immense power behind it spoke to him. It shook his very soul as it began to talk to him.

"Welcome." The booming voice was louder than anything Chris had ever heard in his entire life. "I'm sure you are wondering why I have brought you all here. There is still a very unnerving force moving about your world. A force that seeks to destroy and control everything. I am afraid that only you, with the help of the other signs, can stop it." Chris tried to comprehend what he was being told as a ringing started in his ears that distracted him in the conversation.

"But why me?" Chris, even after everything he and the others had been through, still couldn't grasp the scale of the war they had started. "What exactly do I have that everyone is after?"

"Your ability to create new powers out of relationships," the voice continued in it's roundabout way of speaking. "combined with Gemini's powers of alteration can create a power unlike anything the others could stop. You two will always be connected to each other in some way."

"But how would Gemini help me now, if I've already killed him once? He wouldn't possibly listen to reason now."

"Which is why you must go to the root of the problem that created the Zodiac." Chris finally began to see where this voice was getting him to. "Leo, Scorpio, and Gemini are unaware of what may result if they achieve their goals."

"So why exactly are they trying to kill them in the first place?" Only one thing still confused him. "How can I stop what’s coming after they succeed? I can’t be that powerful."

"Your powers have another form that you must discover for yourself along the way, Chris. Now go and tell the others what you must do. They will know what you speak of."

"Okay." As Chris tried to leave, he stopped thinking of another question. "Sorry if I'm being rude, but who exactly are you?"

"Me?" The voice seemed deep in thought. "I am the overseer of Archea. I go by many names and titles. But you may refer to me as Nova."

*****

"The fuck you talking about kid?" Jupiter leaned forward. His eyes filled with rage and wonder over what Leo had said to him. "How the fuck do you three kids know about all that?"

"Please." Leo blew off his question. "As if we wouldn't know. We've been taking orders from you guys for years now. Its time we took our fates into our own hands."

"Yeah. What he said." Scorpio simply mocked Jupiter's anger with stupid cliché comments. "Look old man, all we want from you are locations of the others. Then we will leave here and you can keep your petty life. What do ya say?" Jupiter's massive arms slammed into the arm rests of his lounge chair causing wood chips to rip open the sides of the chair.

"Get out. Now." He fought to keep his composure. "Take my phone book. The last few pages have notes on the rest ok? Just take it and get the fuck out of my sight."

Within a few minutes the three were exiting the door with info in hand. As Leo began to walk down the steps, Jupiter spoke again.

"Hey, kiddo!" Leo turned around to face his father one last time. "I know that no matter what, you are coming after me. But remember this, if I see you again, your head is mine." Leo smiled at Jupiter.

"I wouldn't have it any other way...dad."

The door shut and Jupiter was left to his thoughts. He sat for a minute just watching the fire die down. He then grabbed the phone and called the one person he knew was going down first.

*****

She hung up the phone and turned to the two other people in the room. Her face didn't appear worried, but her voice was strained.

"Apparently the kitty is coming after us with his little pals."

"Who? The scorpion and the mask? Who gives a flying rat's ass? Let them play their little game." The third person responded to Mars.

"Oh calm down, Mars. They're coming after all of us. This is gonna get interesting."

The three sat and watched the time tick away. Now all they needed was the knock on their door.

*****

Chris finished explaining what Nova had told him. Taurus rubbed his chin. Virgo came forward.

"The ones that we used to answer to?" She looked at the others and they all had very worried expressions. Enka and Kibo looked at Isaac as he sat in silence. Chris simply reminded everyone of his memory being erased with his blank expression. "They were known as The Generals. Their code names consist of the planets in the solar system." Chris then pictured massive men with unimaginable power standing over them. He gulped quietly in fear.

"Well Leo and the other two are after them." Isaac stood up to speak to everyone. "And if they somehow manage to kill them all, this force that they hold back will unleash itself. We just have to intercept them before they kill them all." Kibo and Enka stood and put their hands on Isaac's shoulders as a sign of allegiance. The Zodiac members stood together. Chris stood by himself staring at the scales again.

"Well then there is only one thing left for all of us to do." Everyone turned to him. They all had a look of finally seeing their leader appear before them to bring together a plan. "We need to train ourselves, find them, ...

...and kill them."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued in
B.A. Chapter 6​
 
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madammina

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Re: Savage Stars

Nice work! The planets are the generals, Chris actually WAS good, (unless Nova is lying which is a possibility) and it is looking good.


Something was missing, but I can't place it.
 

Andillexe

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Re: Savage Stars

Okay, so the Generals need to be killed so that the big bad Force can be released? Is this good or bad? If this is true, why did Leo leave Jupiter alive only to know that they're going to kill him later? Or maybe I'm just totally backwards about this.

I have a theory, but I'm going to keep it to myself until I get this straight.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

Something was missing, but I can't place it.

Maybe it's because Ethier wasn't in this chapter.

If you noticed, I actually used a direct line from one of the KH games in this chapter. I didn't realize until after I wrote it, but it's in there.

Okay, so the Generals need to be killed so that the big bad Force can be released? Is this good or bad? If this is true, why did Leo leave Jupiter alive only to know that they're going to kill him later? Or maybe I'm just totally backwards about this.

I have a theory, but I'm going to keep it to myself until I get this straight.

I'm always intrigued to hear what your theories are on the story. Sometimes, I don't even know where exactly the story is headed, but that is just my writing style I guess.
 

Andillexe

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Re: Savage Stars

Maybe it's because Ethier wasn't in this chapter.

If you noticed, I actually used a direct line from one of the KH games in this chapter. I didn't realize until after I wrote it, but it's in there.

*goes to look for it*

I'm always intrigued to hear what your theories are on the story. Sometimes, I don't even know where exactly the story is headed, but that is just my writing style I guess.

:) Well, I'm not really sure about this, but I think that the "dead" zodiac members are going to team up with the not-so-dead ones, and they're going to attempt to kill the Generals, but for some reason don't and enlist their help instead. That's just a loose theory because we don't know too much about the evil Force.

I know what you mean. When I wrote my first story, there were so many things that I just wrote down because, and when I wrote the second one I was like "hey, I can make this work... somehow."
 

Kingdomkeylight

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Re: Savage Stars

NIce like the chapter. Nova: symbol of light and life.

Lol I thinks I can take a guess of the man baddy though I dont want to guess but I shall just say I like were this is heading.

lol I doubt I can guess how this is going to end only you can really know that I can only guess.

Cant wait for the next chapter.
 

tdc456

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Re: Savage Stars

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The train sped along the rusty metal tracks as always. Every day it took the same route back and forth with the same conductor and same staff. The passengers were all minding their own business. Houses flew by in blurs. The countryside unfolded out before them. The train then skidded to an abrupt stop. A few people looked out the windows to see what was wrong. Others ran up the aisles to other cars to find out why it had stopped. The conductor stepped out of the front engine car and onto the tracks. In the middle of the tracks stood a man facing the train.

Brittle Apocalypse
Chapter 6: Spark Of Death​

"Something wrong, son?" The conductor inquired to the man in his thick southern accent. "This is dangerous just standing on these tracks like that." The man cocked his head slightly as if pondering the man's statement. He smiled at the conductor.

"Really? Because you are in the dangerous position here." The conductor flinched slightly.

"Is that some kind of threat?"

"Not at all." The train let off some more steam. "It's more of a warning. You see, I'm looking for someone. I think that you and this train can help me make enough noise to draw him out. So I suggest you either get out of my way or..." The man raised his right hand. A strange light began to gather in front of him.

The conductor ran away into the safety of the houses next to the tracks. Light surrounded the man and then vanished. He stepped towards the train and place both hands on the front grating. Putting all his force into his palms, major dents shaped after his hands appeared in the front of the train.

"Time for some fun."

*****

Chris walked down the hallway, leading the others to the door at the far end. On it was a symbol that no one recognized. It glowed as Chris gripped the doorknob. They entered the room beyond to see an amazing sight that you could only dream of.

They stood on a large balcony overlooking a turning pillar of gears and lights filled with a mysterious energy. Here they all felt alive. Within the lights they could see maps of solar systems, including one of their own.

The map automatically zoomed in and appeared above them. They stared at the Sun and the planets surrounding it. They moved in sync with the current motion of the planets. Among them, Mars was glowing bright red and a bright red dot was located on the Earth. The voice of Nova echoed through their heads.

"As you can see, Mars is acting out." They looked to each other and wondered what he meant. "Here we can track the motions of even the Generals. Mars has activated his power and cause some destruction in order to draw out Leo and the other two. He is by far the most reckless of the Generals and has no concern for other human life."

"But what exactly is his power?" Isaac stepped forward. "I mean, luckily none of us has ever had to take on a General so we know nothing of their powers. Are they really stronger than all of us combined."

"They would have to be," Nova began. "In order to rule over the Zodiac. If all of them are alive, no one would dare defy them. With each one that falls, links weaken, until finally the chains break completely. One thing that I can assure you, Leo and his friends stand no chance against all of them by themselves."

The ten Zodiac refugees stood together in Archea and pondered what exactly the Generals could do. Chris knew he, Isaac, Enka, and Kibo weren't strong enough to take them on. Maybe the others were. Nova spoke to help calm Chris.

"You four are indeed much weaker than the others. Although all of you are strong enough to defeat a General." They all seemed surprised to hear this. "There is of course one catch. They can only be defeated by a Zodiac ability. A sub-ability won't do the job. And only the current Zodiac are in touch enough to be masters of their powers. You Chris, must train and discover what your true ability is."

"But how is this all going to work?" He looked at the others. And surprisingly, Aries stepped forward.

"Look Chris, despite what we may have done in the past, if this is really going to end everything... we're all on the same side. You have our full support." Chris looked at every individual Zodiac member and everyone gave him a welcome smile, even Taurus.

"So how do I train anyway?"

"I was hoping you would ask." Nova spoke again. As he did a strange door materialized at the edge of the balcony. "Through this door is a reality, not parallel, but perpendicular to this one. In that reality, you're powers are highly amplified and allow you to discover much faster, how to properly use them."

Chris walked to the door. He turned around to see the Isaac, Enka, and Kibo were following him.

"Obviously we need to train, too." Enka gave a signature feel-good smile. "If we barely managed to beat these and guys and still died, there is definitely room for improvement."

"Very well." Nova then spoke to just the four. "You all will train. You will know when to return to Archea. Now you others must work hard while they are gone to stop Leo, Scorpio, and Gemini."

Without another word, Chris, Isaac, Enka, and Kibo took one last look at the Zodiac before them and stepped beyond the door. It locked behind them and disappeared. Taurus stepped forward.

"Alright guys." They all stood at attention. "You know the drill. Sign Powers only against these Generals. No holding back against those three little bastards either. With that being said..." Everyone smiled darkly in anticipation. Taurus signalled for them to follow and headed for the door.

"...let's roll."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued in
B.A. Chapter 7​
 
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