Okay, Here's the whole Cannoli. When I was Ten, I went to a local church that ran special services tailored to kids. I guess someone invited her, and... One day she was there.
When I saw her a few rows up, it was love at first sight. Shiny blonde hair, freckles on her cheeks; I was stunned. They had her do an introduction in front of everyone. Now, I never really had much social interaction away from a few childhood friends and girls I met in the Girl Scout troop my mom ran. (Funny side notes: one of those childhood friends was also named Amber. And one of the scouts I was friends with teased me all the time, and my mom said it was 'cause she liked me.) But she was the first girl who ever inspired anything close to a crush to me: the stupid, chubby introvert kid who liked Pokemon and Captain Underpants. (Look it up.) But Cupid had struck me clear across the face. I didn't tell her immediately. We were just two kids at the same church. She had come around fairly late in the year, and Christmas was coming up. I learned we shared a couple interests. I also learned she had a guy already.
There was a carolling trip planned, and she asked if she could bring her boyfriend. I of course was disappointed, but I muddled through. I guess they broke up or something, because later on she teased me- (playful, right?) -about liking her. I was even stupider back then, I must've been easy to read. She also said she knew because this dude at school was just like me, and he apparently had a thing for her. At first I denied it, then I cornered her and told her she was right, but keep it secret. I'm pretty sure she didn't.
Meanwhile, in other news, our Christmas performance was coming up. It was a children's play called "Baa Baa Bethlehem". The premise, I think, was the Baby Jesus had just been born and they wanted a sheep to keep him company. Idk, I have the script, I can post it later. We all had parts of course. She played a Sheep called Baabara (the Diva), and I played Fuszy (the grump). It was a musical and in one of the songs, there was a verse for a girl, and one for a boy. Guess who got each part? I don't remember when she gave it to me, But I'm thinking it was that day. She had given me a little red box. Inside was a clipping of Mistletoe and a note. The Note read as Follows:
Nikie legen has it
if you hold misle
toe over the person
you like you r 2 give
that person a kiss
on the cheek
Being the incredible lady killer I am, I decided to play hard to get. Translation: I chickened out and couldn't even kiss her on the cheek. I have no idea why, but one day after that, she just stopped coming. And eventually I followed suit.
Fast forward nine years past the obsessiveness, depression, and meeting you guys. I thought I was over her. I thought I would be fine. It's just I didn't have much social interaction, so over time I... Well, I just got stupider. But after the umpteenth time wondering if I had found her, I've come to the realisation I'm still on her. And I need that to stop. Now I seriously doubt she'll even remember me. In fact if I tell her, I'll probably get a restraining order. But through the power of facebook, I've discovered that one of my other old church friends often hangs out with another woman named Amber. She's married with kids, and I'm praying it's just a massive coincidence. But soon enough I'm going to ask.
I'm not going to contact Amber ever again, I don't think any good can come of it. I just need to know all the facts so I can look at another girl without thinking of Amber.
So there it is in a nutshell: the story of the most hopeless of all romantics. Some people might think it's sweet, I however have come to find it creepy and utterly pathetic. Think what you will, I need to do what I need to do.