Birthday Crisis



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KingdomKey

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Hey guys,

Myself and my siblings screwed up big time about celebrating my mum's birthday today. We had to do it a week early because they're going on vacation soon; so thought we'd do it early. However, we got sick during the week among other poorly made excuses. And I know that doesn't even begin to make up for our mistake. Pretty much, we already got the presents but forgot two things; asking what she wanted for dinner and cake she wanted. What makes it worse is my dad got sick over night and I think he was suppose to pick up a cake. Therefore, I've tried apologizing and asked what we could do to make up for it... But she ignored me. My siblings haven't said a word about it. Losing my mind here and feel guilty as hell. Earlier today, my mum said it'd be an off day (due to being sick, house isn't top notch clean,) until she mention how important today was to her hours later and damn it... I don't know what to do. I wanted to celebrate it, I wanted to clean the house up, but that ship sunk, crashed, and burned. I know what will set her off if I keep pushing her to talk or hover around her; and she has every right to be upset but still I really want to make it up to her by doing her b-day another day but I doubt she's going to want to do it now or say what she wants. Please help. Feeling pretty desperate.


And yes, worst daughter of the year goes to me. Usually something always goes wrong on her birthday or Mother's Day. I really hate screwing it up each year. Last year, I was the only one to get her a present. This year, we forget something important and don't make it into a big enough deal.
 
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Roxie1563

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First off, you have nothing to be guilty about, Kat!

Now, I know my mother better beside my grandma to know what she really wants for her birthday and it's the usual 'I would like that and that and that' along with going out to eat somewhere she loves to go.

So, my advice to you is to not worry about so much of it and take her out to dinner. It can be cheap or somewhat nice to eat.. A place where she enjoys so much. I don't know if she likes to watch films, but a nice dinner/movie night between you and the family sounds the perfect birthday to enjoy. ^_^

Just something that would work well for you all. :) Oh, as for the cleaning house... Always do it anyway so it won't make you feel so icky the next time around.

I'm not sure that did help or not, but that's my advice and thoughts on it. :D *hugs you*
 

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This is from an outsider's view, and one as a gut saying without thinking too deeply on it so take it with a grain of salt.

There wasn't much any of you could have done to change how this came out; it wasn't any of your faults. You've gone out of your ways to get her her gifts a week earlier than normal and everything, but getting sick wasn't something you did on purpose, and you couldn't help it. Likewise, your father getting sick and unable to get the cake wasn't his fault either. Overall, it was just a spell of bad luck. This might come out cruel, but it will blow over in a manner of days, if at most weeks, especially when they head off for their vacation.I want to say that if you have access to transportation and are in a condition to drive, go get a cake you know she'll enjoy yourself, but I'm doubting that would be the best course of action to take right now. Instead, I would suggest having something ready for when they come back from their holiday to make up for this bad spell. A little party, or a dinner of her favorite food/cake/ anything else you can think of. For this exact moment, I'm not sure what you can do. By how you made it sound, cleaning to help cheer her up/help out around the house sounds like it might have a negative effect, so I'm not sure. All I can say for certain is that it wasn't any of your faults and you should not feel guilty.
 

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First off, you have nothing to be guilty about, Kat!

Now, I know my mother better beside my grandma to know what she really wants for her birthday and it's the usual 'I would like that and that and that' along with going out to eat somewhere she loves to go.

So, my advice to you is to not worry about so much of it and take her out to dinner. It can be cheap or somewhat nice to eat.. A place where she enjoys so much. I don't know if she likes to watch films, but a nice dinner/movie night between you and the family sounds the perfect birthday to enjoy. ^_^

Just something that would work well for you all. :) Oh, as for the cleaning house... Always do it anyway so it won't make you feel so icky the next time around.

I'm not sure that did help or not, but that's my advice and thoughts on it. :D *hugs you*
Thanks for the advice, Roxie. It helps a lot or a tiny bit. *gives you a hug* ;w;

Unfortunately, my mother is incredibly stubborn and has been giving us the silent treatment outside of what she said about "us not caring about her or doing anything special for her." So I'm really at fault for this and it makes it worse that I can't remember everything. For example, she went out today to get what we needed. Except I forget the bread and she comes home and finds out we're almost out. And my mum's run errands all week. To top it off, my sibling mentions a type of dinner for today, but because I assumed we were moving her birthday to a different day, I have her text back "if that's the plan for dinner and if i need to do anything", and my mum types back, "not to worry about it." Besides that, my dad is sick, so we can't leave the house, can't clean up cause it'll disturb him, and my mum is wearing headphones with music playing loudly enough to not talk to us. Although, my siblings aren't making much of an effort in that department. As a result I can't do a thing. My mum isn't one to easily forgive right away. I know what kind of cake to make her, but it'd be a useless attempt when she doesn't want to celebrate it right now. I'm going to try tomorrow, but I'll probably get yelled at for trying. :( Might wait it out or do my best to celebrate it anyhow... Again, thank you for what advice you could give me. I can calm down a little now.

@CD-Mann: Yeah, it'll have a negative affect, should I try to do anything right now. Just got scolded for moving laundry over. Your advice helps a lot as well and I'll try to wait it out until next week to bring it up on celebrating her b-day; once they're back from vacation. They leave for vacation on Wed-Thru. I'll be home until then. Hard to let go of guilt though.
 
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Taochan

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I know she must be disappointed but I think she's being a little too oversensitive about the situation. But if she's ignoring you despite your best efforts to apologize then maybe you should just lay low. Is she the one going on vacation? If so, make sure the house is clean when she comes back and maybe make a plan to take her out after that. She's probably going to be upset for a little while. I'm surprised she's not more upset with your dad than you kids.
 

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I know she must be disappointed but I think she's being a little too oversensitive about the situation. But if she's ignoring you despite your best efforts to apologize then maybe you should just lay low. Is she the one going on vacation? If so, make sure the house is clean when she comes back and maybe make a plan to take her out after that. She's probably going to be upset for a little while. I'm surprised she's not more upset with your dad than you kids.
If I put myself in her shoes, I can understand where she's coming from. What makes it worse is hearing her cry. Laying low for right now, since I can't get through to her and pretty much my mum went to the bedroom to get away from us. Nope. My dad and sisters are going with her on vacation. I'll definitely have the house clean cause I'll be the only one home, but yeah, need a plan to fix this by taking her out or anything at all. Well, I think the way she sees it is that she does a lot for us kids; namely my sisters. Whereas my dad... I don't really have an explanation for that at all. Usually it's more our fault and that's how it's always been. Although, I don't know if she'll be staying home or if she'll go to work tonight after today.

But seriously, thank you guys for your advice or thoughts on it overall. Means a lot to me. ;w;
 

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Just one more final thing.

No matter what happens, your mother will always love you and the family. Even things like this are only just a tad temporary. Time is real life's Curaga spell. Once they come back from vacation, there is always going to be a small sniff uve' tension, but that's only natural. It's already in the past. There is always next time. Just spending a nice family meal with everyone around a table discussing absurd or heartwarming things, will beat any special occasion, whether it was terrific or not as you planned. A mother's love can never be broken.

A small hug to Mama Waferbar from Ms. Waferbar will be the greatest gift any child can give.
 

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You're welcome, Kat! *hugs back even more*

Like everybody says, it's not your fault at all and whatever you plan for your mother, I know she'll love it in her own way no matter how stubborn she is.
 

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Rest of the Story:

After an hour and a half later; I come downstairs to find out my father asked about the cake. That right there still angers me to no end. Issues for another time, I won't get into right now. So, I'm like to hell with it and ended up baking the cake after all. My sisters help me with the frosting and shrimp linguine. (Never made shrimp linguine for dinner before, but it turned out just fine.) Therefore, we get it done, get the presents out, and we have our meal together. Things slowly get better as the evening progresses and we watch a Harry Potter movie. Stuck to my mum's side for most of the night. To say the least, she seemed to forgive us, but the comment she made before bed didn't sit well with me at all. As a result, we did end up saving the day instead of putting it off until they're home from vacation.

Anyhow, I still can't say 'thank you' enough to all of you. I figured you guys should hear how the rest of it went down after your help. Outside of that, I'm alright. I need to let the guilt go and been kind of on auto pilot for a day or so. I don't have the greatest relationship with my mother. And I won't deny I'm dreading Mother's Day a little after this. But life carries on.

@Noel: Your words are encouraging and helpful. :3 I wish hugs worked that way though.
 

Roxie1563

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So, in a small way, everything have been all right even after all that stuff, your mother kinda sorta forgave you. That's good in my opinion. :3

Oh, now I have to think hard on Mother's day. xD Thanks, Kat! *pokes you lightly*
 
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