Help/Support ► Being the Bearer of bad news

[CAB_IV]

how do you tell your friend that he has no hope in a relationship he'd like to have, without actually nuking the kid. on the internet, if you tell someone its not gonna happen they might actually take you seriously. However, i fear being met with anger or some other ridiculousness.


i have virtually nothing to do with this. the only reason i'm even involved is because the kid liks a friend of my sister's of which i have never met. Apperently she knows this kid likes her, but definitely is not interested.

i'm probably not gonna say anything in the long run, but i'm just curious what you crack pots have to say


PS that crack pot is in a nice way. like thinking outside the box.

 

[Deeman]

We'll, I think you should just let your find out for himself. Let the girl break the news to him; that is, if she doesn't like him. You never know..

 

[CAB_IV]

oh trust me, i know. its one of those things where it really is like, "you're doomed". the problem is that all this girl does is just kinda put things off. She doesn't actually say anything because she doesn't want to be the bearer of bad news either.

 

[Deeman]

^Well she's going to have to deal with it. >.> Unless you "want" to tell him.

 

[Joy]

Have it go something like this:

"hey, you like my sister, right?"

"Yeah."

"Dude, I'm sorry to say, it's not going to work. I know it sucks to hear that, but it's the truth. She's not interested in you. Sorry."

 

[Davy Jones]

Nuking people ended WWII, correct?

Sure, its not the most humane and socially acceptable w ay, but you have to do what you have to do. If the girl in question is too scared to tell the guy how she feels, then wait a while. If nothing continues to happen, then you should just tell him straight up.

 

[Tyler Durden]

Tell him gently, but make sure that there is absolutely no question that she doesn't like him.

But the guy will still be upset, no matter what.

 

[CAB_IV]

Tell him gently, but make sure that there is absolutely no question that she doesn't like him.

But the guy will still be upset, no matter what.

no kidding

the reason that this is difficult for me is that i'm VERY short on freinds these days. Wether they all moved, or their classes take them elsewhere, i do not see any of my formerly close freinds frequently. He is one of the few i still talk to fairly often because i can bump into him (by talk to often, i mean, maybe twice in a week, just so you know how bad it is)

I don't want to risk anything involving me. the only problem is i don't want to look like a crappy friend if i don't help him in this crush he has (which, most assuredly there is no chance). I used to be there in peoples relationship problems and people wanted me there to help them, but these days i no longer have the patience for anything short of yelling at people on the internet.

 

[Tyler Durden]

The only risk would be if you didn't tell him, and he found out. The dude would be crushed.


But there is no reason for him to be mad at you, unless he is one of those friends where whenever something bad happens they stop talking to everybody they know.

 

[CAB_IV]

he can best be described as the Angry Leprechaun. I just fear being accused of meddling, as i have often in the past gone way over the line. i just don't like bringing on bad news. my gut tells me its a bad idea.

 

[Nivaro]

I feel sorry you, but that doesn't help.

The problem is you're in this mess and you can't get out. Sure if you go to him and tell him it could get ugly, but he'll probably realize the message didn't come from her, it came from a friend who was told. Vice Versa, she tells him and perhaps it gets let out you knew and didn't tell him....not pretty. (I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old is your friend? You might be able to avoid teenage drama if he's older, might.)

It really is how good of friends you are with him. If I were you I'd let him find out on his own and not let it look like you knew anything(although she appearently doesn't really care if she'll put that off, which just makes it worse), relationships get too messy with others get tangled in it. That help at all?

 

[Deeman]

The simple solution is, CAB_IV, not to do anything. Yup, that's right, don't do a thing. Just sit back and relax. Still maintain your friendship, but let him find out on his own; he'll have to eventually. Stick by his side and be yourself. If you feel that telling him the bad news may cause the loss of your friendship, then why do it in the first place?

 

[The Lionheart]

i think you just have to tell him straight up, or let your sister deal with it

 

[CAB_IV]

thats the thing though, its my sister's friend. My sister doesn't give a crap about it.

 

[Nivaro]

i think you just have to tell him straight up

But so many things can go wrong. >_< Unless you're a really good friend of him CAB, just let it pass and don't let it out that you know. Hopefully this all will give you some choices or a choice.

 

[Deeman]

Why do you even care about this in the first place? Sure, he's your friend, but let him fight his own battles, discover his own treasures.

It's either

1) you tell him the news and lose or maintain your friendship

or 2) you keep quiet and let things role out naturally.

It's really not necessary that you say anything, IMO.

 

[Disluxia]

Either have her tell him.

Or just tell him

" man , you dont have a chance she doesn't like you there's better people out there"

If he gets upset over a girl that hes never even been involved with he's immature

and if he gets mad at you for being a good friend and telling the truth hes not worth having as a friend

 

[pk para]

i say let him find out for himself.
Even if ur right hes still going to try.
If ur wrong... =P


And something that one of my friends has told me (me being a boy and her being a girl). She says that theres this boy in school that ANNOYS her little sis. ANNOYS!!! (and not in a playful way). Anywhoo, said boy called said lil sis and asked if she wanted to start dating and she said yes. My friend thought that that was weird so she asked her why. the little sis said "its weird... when they ask you out, its kinda like you fall in love with them" (sorry, i know thats not what she said, but it gets the idea across), and my friend agrees.

Who knows? maybe she will end up saying yes.

Unless she outright despises him....
Tell the friend to get to know the girl first.
When he feels comfortable asking her out, then he should, but only if he knows her.

Even if he thinks she'll say no, he might as well try... unless it would compramise the friendship they might have.


Point being:
for you: shh. let things go their own way.

for him: Give it a try and ask her out, but not to early or it'll make things weird.