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Fanfiction ► Axel's fan-fic



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Obscured fire

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I dont know if there is a story about this one and i have to say that this fan-fic is about Axels life,its my first story so please dont flame me ,here is the first chapter:


PROLOGUE

This fan-fic is about Axels story,when he died and Sora passed the gate to the World That Never Was Axels story
didnt end, Xemnas said that he awekened,but what does that mean?Now then is time to learn what he meant

Chapter 1:Station Of Heart
Axel keeps falling into darkness,he id dead,he faded away,he fought for what he believed and lost...but even in the
deepest darkness there is always a litlle glimer of light...

???:You want a second chance?
Axel:huh?
???:You gave your life to help someone...
Axel:So what?
???:I thought you wanted back your heart
Axel:I can't,i am a nobody unlike Roxas and Namine i dont have a heart
???:Tee heh....and how do you know that?
Axel:I canot feel...anything
???:Yes...you can
Axel:Huh?
???:You will never meet your real self,because you don't have,you have your own heart,because you are not a Nobody.
For some reazon you turned into a heartless,but you didnt changed,you only forgot and your heart get frozen...
Axel:I don't believe this...
???:You don't want a second chance then?You don't want to see your friends once again?
Axel:More...than anything...
???:Then i can help you...
Axel:How?
???:I will get you back to how you were,with your heart unfrozen,but to do that you have to give something in excance
Axel:And....what is that?
???:your memories,even the last one...
Axel:I don't think i deserve a heart,i didnt do anything good...
???:You sure?Well i dont believe it,i always say that i trust you.
Axel:Who are you?
???:You will do that?
Axel:...............All my memories?
???:Yes...
Axel:Alright i will play your game...
???:Your journey will start in 8 days,rest up until then...
Axel:You cant be Hi...
Before he say anything else he overcomes with light....

Hope you enjoyed it^^if you want me to continue the chapters just say it!
 
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TheLastKnight

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FIX the script style, other than that, it's pretty good...make it a little longer, and it'll be good

Hope that helps, read the stikies about it all, I did it before too, don't feel bad
 

TheLastKnight

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and also, like I said before, fix the script...That's not allowed unless it's a humorous one, so please, I don't want this thing be be an instant fail, I kinda like it
 

DJ GloriX

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Are these the dialogues for your manga? Because if it's so then it's very good!
I've readed stories in script style on fanfiction and even though it's writting this way they were still good! ^_^
So I say Keep it up! It's getting very interesting, I do advice you to make it a lil bit longer, but I gues this is only the proloque! and it's good! I like it I look forward to more! ^_^
 

TheLastKnight

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Are these the dialogues for your manga? Because if it's so then it's very good!
I've readed stories in script style on fanfiction and even though it's writting this way they were still good! ^_^
So I say Keep it up! It's getting very interesting, I do advice you to make it a lil bit longer, but I gues this is only the proloque! and it's good! I like it I look forward to more! ^_^
read the stickies, script is not allowed, I can't tell you that enough

script style Fanfic = INSTANT FAIL!!!!!!!!!!

unless it's funny
 

snowdog

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General storyline is good! ^.^

I'd offer pointers about switching from script style, but you say you're changing that, so... okay. =D

One thing I would say... there are lots of spelling mistakes, so it's a good idea to type your chapters out in Word, or a similar program with a spellchecker before posting here. Makes for easier reading. ~<3
 

Obscured fire

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General storyline is good! ^.^

I'd offer pointers about switching from script style, but you say you're changing that, so... okay. =D

One thing I would say... there are lots of spelling mistakes, so it's a good idea to type your chapters out in Word, or a similar program with a spellchecker before posting here. Makes for easier reading. ~<3

Yeah i know:blushing:
Btw thanks^^
I will do it better!!
 

TheLastKnight

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Okay, I will be helping Eliza fix anything, she has very good writing, just not the greatest grammar and spelling, I helped her out with her next chapter, so it should be good...It was a little hard to read when she PMed me the chapter...and I'm helping her out, it doesn't matter though, it's still her writing, all the credit goes to her
 

Obscured fire

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First of all i want to thank very much ShadowKnight47 because he really helped me because i konda sack at English,by the way here is my second chapter(which i must say that shadow knight fixed it),its kinda boring i think but the action will start from the 3rd or 4th chapter,enjoy:

Chapter 2: Untold Wishes

When Sora got into the Castle That Never Was he fought many battles against his final enemies, he met once again his old beloved friends he met his Nobody and he was heading for his final battle, but things didnt go like he planed, before he enter the dark realm to go back to his island, Xemnas destroyed the connection and Sora with Riku will fight alongsite to defeat a powerfull enemy. But what exactly happened to the others? What were they doing?

The Dark realm lead Kairi, King Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Pluto back to Destiny islands, "That brings me back memories..." Donald said, "You mean the time we fought Xehanort's heartless?" Said Goofy.

But King Mickey understood that something was wrong "Where are Sora and Riku?" He asked.

Kairi begun crying, "We said that we will be all together again, and now i am again alone, I might never see them again," She said...

King Mickey tried to comfort her "Those two will come back soon,trust me Kairi,Riku and Sora can do many things while they are together"

"Ahyuk! Yeah Kairi, Sora, and Riku can fight really good!" Goofy said "Of course!

"They are keyblade masters, dont forget that," Donald said too. "Hmm....yes...I bet you are right...." For a while it was too quiet,even Pluto was laying on the ground without doing anything.

Suddenly Kairi asked"And what about the guy with the red hair....er....Axel?He could help Sora and Riu come beck right?"No one said nothing for a while the Donald said"Uh...he could...but...he is not alive..'

"Oh I see so he died as he said..." Kairi said sad...

"Uh......what did he said? When? Gwarsh, I am confused" Goofy asked...and then Kairi answered..

"When he kidnapped me,the man with the scar(Saix)appeared,at first he attacked me,but Axel protected me and for that he got hurt and after that,the man said that soon Axel will die and he kidnapped me...I wanted to thanks Axel but...it's ok...

Then King Mickey said, "So it was true that he helped a lot people in need, eh?"

"Wait a minute, you mean that the bad guy wasn't bad,but he was good?"Donald said confused

"But....he said that he wanted to see Roxas and um...gwarsh with ho's side was he on?" Goofy was confused once again "It doesnt matter now, I wanted to thank him,and Namine too, but now...It doesn't matter...."

"Namine? Who is that?" Donald asked, Kairi said that she was her nobody,Donald and Goofy were surprised but not King Mickey.

He said, "Donald,Goofy" he said, "Some things happened and you wont be able to remember them.."

"What do you mean your majesty?" asked once more Donald...

"One year ago Namine messed with your memories,Namine has the power to control Sora's memories and the memories of the person that he knows,she did that because a member from organization XIII forced her to do that...." King Mickey answered.

Goofy said "I dont get it..."

"We didn't meet some members your majesty..." Donald said...

"We will talk about that when Sora and Riku return, ok?" King Mickey asked....

"Well I am going to see how everyone is, make yourselves at home,"Kairi said smiling....

"Do you want as to come too?" King Mickey said....

"No...thank you but...I want to stay a litlle alone too....I want to think the things that happened...." Kairi said and she left from her home...
 

TheLastKnight

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hahahaha, I would say "That was nice continue" but I already saw it, hahahahahaha

but yes, continue everything, I can help again when you get the next chapter written too, if you want
 
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