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attempting a narrative poem.



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Siren

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They're running through the meadow,
sneakers and flip flops pounding along the earth.
A sunrise ascending over the hills, a sound reminder
that there is a such a thing as light and life.

He grabs her by the waist,
picks her up and spins her around.
She's keeping faith, holding on to his shoulders
and letting her lips meet his.

Forehead pressed to forehead,
arms wrapped as if each were holding on to
a life-preserver. He whispers in her ear,
and the sunrise continues to shine-

"I'm glad that you're mine."
 

Nyangoro

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I like the concept, but I think you could have executed better. Honestly, it felt more like I was reading prose than a poem. It was a good effort though.
 

Siren

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Yeah, I didn't really feel as if I executed it well at all. Now I'm going to go back and change it to prose and use something else for a narrative, after a look for some decently done examples.
 
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