Help/Support ► Another Girl Problem

[Destiny's End]

Sorry to annoy you guys, but I have another Girl Problem.

How do you know when to not come on too strong?

It's like you talk to a girl you like, but you want to play it cool, and not let her catch to the fact that you like her. If you even come on and give her the hint, the idea, that you want to bf/gf off the bat, she'll do everything in their power to not hang out with you......well in this case me. Like this one girl I asked to hang out, she said she had homework, but went to a party instead.

The problem is that it's so hard to be yourself around girls. I'm more of the quiet-laid back type. Sometimes I think I'm too quiet. I have friends that are good at getting girls. They can make girls laugh on impulse, can keep a conversation going, and they have that swagger that girls fall for. I can't nor do I have any of the three. Sometimes I try to copy what some people do, to think that it would impress girls. All in all I can't be myself, because that won't get the girls I want to meet.

Not to bring race into the issue and my apologies for the stereotypical comment, but I'm black, and they're supposed to have the swagger that I was talking about before. I wonder sometimes if I should just stop trying. There are many relationships that could've and should've had, but never capitalized on them.

Any ideas?

 

[Sora RE+Mixed]

Let me give this a shot.

Just try bieng yourself around girls. Dont try to make it seem like you like her, by trying to make her luagh or anything. Start a conversation with her normally. Then throw in a little flirt, and see how things work out.

I hope this helps.

 

[blinkboy211]

hmm weird how whenever I come to this section, Destiny you always have a girl problem.

The idea of being yourself is easier said than done. There will always be a slight nervousness whenever you approach a female that you like. Girls can pick things up sometimes, and if they really don't like you they will do as this girl did to you. They usually don't want to hurt you (sometimes they just don't want to answer your question). You need to get some girls that are just friends so you can get calm around the females. The more calm you are the more likely you will be yourself around them. Also don't think gf/bf right off the bat. Always just approach a girl you like in hope you get a date. Because you may date them and end up disliking her or just not having that appeal anymore.

 

[Garth]

The problem is that it's so hard to be yourself around girls. I'm more of the quiet-laid back type. Sometimes I think I'm too quiet. I have friends that are good at getting girls. They can make girls laugh on impulse, can keep a conversation going, and they have that swagger that girls fall for. I can't nor do I have any of the three. Sometimes I try to copy what some people do, to think that it would impress girls. All in all I can't be myself, because that won't get the girls I want to meet.

Don't worry about what the other guys are doing. You're not any of the other guys. And you're eighteen; don't worry if the girls you meet aren't interested, or are superficial. It's high school. You'll meet someone just right for you, it doesn't have to be now.

 

[A.FIRE.INSIDE]

Welcome to my life. Actually, I'm slightly different. I have more female friends than male. I have been accused of being gay because I hang with so many girls and my best guy friend is bi. Anyways, off-topic, but I'm very quiet and laid back, but at the same I have a sense of humor and can make girls laugh most times. But for the most part I'm quiet when I don't have a smartass remark or just something silly to say.

I know what it's like, because I have been single for like 7 months now, but I enjoy it all the same- I have a makeout buddy. (my best female friend xD)

As for your troubles, don't force humor, because it ends up being dry. But I do know that the easiest way for a girl to like you is if you make her smile/laugh. But not all girls are this way, one of my friends is a real quiet guy and he has a really outgoing girlfriend. What I'm getting at is you just have to wait for someone who is interested in your personality.

For instance, if you don't have natural clown in you, what other parts of your personality shine? If so, then let it shine! I mean, if you find it hard to be yourself, then what I would recommend is to try to be slightly more outgoing but like you said, coming on too strong can also be a problem. Don't nag, just casually ask her (whoever the girl may be) to hang out and try to just have general conversations.

I don't know what else to say, because I don't want to tell you to be someone you aren't but you just have to change a few things you do in terms of talking. Coming out of your shell a bit can't do much harm. Just don't stress!

 

[Steamboatwillis]

There are plenty of girls out there. So just be your self if she doesnt like you for who you are... then shes a bitch and move on

 

[Destiny's End]

Don't worry about what the other guys are doing. You're not any of the other guys. And you're eighteen; don't worry if the girls you meet aren't interested, or are superficial. It's high school. You'll meet someone just right for you, it doesn't have to be now.

Well....actually it's College.

hmm weird how whenever I come to this section, Destiny you always have a girl problem.

Yeah, life isn't being too kind to me.

what other parts of your personality shine?

None. There's nothing really special about me. I'm just an ordinary guy.

I don't know what else to say, because I don't want to tell you to be someone you aren't but you just have to change a few things you do in terms of talking. Coming out of your shell a bit can't do much harm. Just don't stress!

I have to stress it sometimes. It gets annoying when you friend who's a better talker than you bags the girl you've been getting to know for a while in 1 day. I'm sure most people have that kind of problem.

There are plenty of girls out there. So just be your self if she doesnt like you for who you are... then shes a bitch and move on

I know, but some girls are so superficial these days, being yourself just doesn't cut it.

 

[Aruferu]

Practically, being yourself to girls is the real answer, i also have that kind of problem, i never capitalize also on girls, not that much talkative, i seldom make a girl laugh, but if you really like the girl, force yourself to say something nice to her, something like that...

 

[Danica Syer]

As many people say, be yourself and if you really want something to happen. Try asking your friends who can talk to girls and all--HOW to and all and don't be like 'Yeah I like you' in a sense that makes them know they like you like when you're talking to them do you tend to like smile alot or like look at them in a way--that might hint you're interested--nothing wrong if you do smile or stare, just don't stare or smile too much in a sense they're gonna be like 'Oh ew why is this guy flirting with me?' or 'Um he's kinda creepy.' If that's the case. Otherwise, try and to flirt too much, try to come up with conversations like about your courses and or something you need help (if that's the case) or ask them about something that goes on in college that they might go to with you or something (if they do). I'm not sure how to help you other then to say, really do try to find something to talk about and or at least have your friends help you as well! Are they willing to help you and do they know of this problem you seek for? To be honest, I don't know what else to say. Good luck otherwise!

 

[Mordecai]

Be yourself is kind of not really helpful. Just saying flat out, BE YOURSELF, KID, isn't going to do anything for you. Because I'd be willing to bet that you're approaching that girl thinking "just be yourself" and guess what happens when you do that? The exact opposite. Just don't think about it. Do it. She's a girl, she's your friend.. just use your common sense. It's not hard, once you start.

If she's a friend of yours, or even an acquaintance, that gives you plenty of opportunity to crack a joke here and there. Say hi to her in the hallways, sit a relatively not creepy but relatively close distance in classes, that way if you catch something she says and you can make a joke out of it, do. There's some exceptions with this of course, what should be allowed and what shouldn't, but there's a defined line between creepy and just casually overhearing something. Act like you're not paying attention. Just catch bits and pieces of the conversation. If she's with one other friend it's MUCH easier to get involved with her, but when she's with a group, it's slightly creepier if you're listening in instead of overhearing. Chances are one of them might not like you. Anyway..

When you approach her.. just don't think about it, dude. She's your damn friend. And if she isn't, you should make a few jokes and converse with her at the right times to gain her friendship before you approach her. She's YOUR FRIEND. Treat her like one.

I started dating my girlfriend about a year and seven months ago. A little more. How I started talking to her was pretty simple. I sat by her in class. A few of my friends knew her as kind of a talk-to-in-class-but-never-hang-out friend. Made a few jokes, started talking with her a bit more, said hello more often when I saw her at places like a store, or at a local concert, or a party, then even had an inside joke. The EASIEST way to start a conversation with a girl who's kind of your friend but kind of someone you just met is an inside joke. When you're walking by her bring it up, maybe stop to talk to her about it in a funny kind of way.. make another joke about it. Really, NOTHING can be perfectly explained to you so you'll be born anew and able to talk to girls like magic. You get it from experience ( I'd hate to make dating and women in general sound like a sport ) and the only way you're going to get experience is if you go out there and try. Be friendly about it. Use your common sense. Take it slow. You'll get there, and if you don't, I hate to say it, there are plenty of other girls. Most girls even move on, so if you screw up, you can sure as hell redeem yourself in a month or two, sometimes even a week or two.

A good way to start hanging out are parties. If you see her at a party you can go right up to talk to her, because it's definitely socially acceptable. At a party there are going to be people you don't know, almost always, so you can instantly make that "oh hey, you're pretty much the only person I know" kind of connection if you catch her alone or even talking to someone. Start it off as "Oh, hey. Didn't know you liked these sort of things." Or if you DID, and it's totally clear that you did, like you've seen her at them before, say "Hey. What's up? I need a drinking partner. Do me the honors?" Something like that. That was a hasty ass example, but you get the picture. Bottom line, treat her like a person, like a friend, and if she isn't your friend, you know how to get her to be... that's how it works. Hope I helped. Good luck, eh?

~ Abb

 

[DaDarkDude]

Well, to start off, get a pleasant conversation going. A usual 'nice wheather we're having' does it No, but seriously, ask her about herself and stuff. See the type of stuff she likes, than talk with her, you'll slowly adjust and become friends with her.
But, I can understand your position, so, doing the above may not be easy as it sounds... In that case, I suggest as BlinkBoy said, get some friends that are girls and get used to talking, and all that stuff. Also, if that doesn't work, there's a plan B, ask the girl about her past, hope she'll go on talking, and wonder of the next move, not listening
Nah, that's two jokes in one post... record. Anyways, just 'be' yourself, if possible. Don't think what others are doing, just think, 'now what' that's all... no need to be yourself, that should already be happening, whether or not you realise it, if not, try and adjust around her till it happens naturally.
That's all I can say for now, Good luck.
^-^

 

[Nutari]

Sorry to annoy you guys, but I have another Girl Problem.

How do you know when to not come on too strong?

It's like you talk to a girl you like, but you want to play it cool, and not let her catch to the fact that you like her. If you even come on and give her the hint, the idea, that you want to bf/gf off the bat, she'll do everything in their power to not hang out with you......well in this case me. Like this one girl I asked to hang out, she said she had homework, but went to a party instead.

The problem is that it's so hard to be yourself around girls. I'm more of the quiet-laid back type. Sometimes I think I'm too quiet. I have friends that are good at getting girls. They can make girls laugh on impulse, can keep a conversation going, and they have that swagger that girls fall for. I can't nor do I have any of the three. Sometimes I try to copy what some people do, to think that it would impress girls. All in all I can't be myself, because that won't get the girls I want to meet.

Not to bring race into the issue and my apologies for the stereotypical comment, but I'm black, and they're supposed to have the swagger that I was talking about before. I wonder sometimes if I should just stop trying. There are many relationships that could've and should've had, but never capitalized on them.

Any ideas?

One thing is for sure DONT GIVE UP YET! Ok heres what u try to do, ok so like i like this girl and well i doubt she likes me back, wait never mind with that, girls like it when ur persistant to get to them so keep trying and eventually it might just pay off, those were the wise words of my mother