Fanfiction ► An original Fan-Fiction (Inspired by Assassin's Creed.)

[Deleted member 36435]

Assassin's Creed: Talon Target.

This Fan-Fiction started out as a Writing assignment and I decided to use it for a Fan-Fiction. It's inspired by Assassin's Creed. Comments and [Constructive] Criticism welcome.

Chapter One

Talon was a young boy growing up in a small village. The village was located on the outskirts of a large city, Damas. Talon had an interest in many things, birds, farming, sword fighting, even fishing. He could also move very quietly. His village which didn’t even have a name wasn’t prospering in any of those fields. All the men in the village mysteriously disappeared after their 13th birthday. The woman which stayed forever had to go into the city to get married. They then came back with rich husbands that left after a child was born. Talon was nearing his 13th birthday and he was nervous to what was coming. He had heard rumors that they were abducted and taken to train as assassins in the city and he had also heard rumors that they became simple blacksmiths. He didn’t even know if they were true, however he would soon find out.

~ ~

Today was the day. Talon was 13. He had knots in his stomach and his legs felt like they would fall out from underneath him. Whatever would come tonight, he wasn’t ready. He quickly got dressed and packed his valuables. He took a Sapphire Necklace his mother gave him when he was three, a black headband he found on the ground after a group of merchants came to the village, and then he took his white cloak. His white cloak was all he had left of his father which left as he was born. When Talon remembered that a new spark of excitement rose from inside of him, maybe he would see his father! That day all he did was sit and wait for dinner. When dinner came his mother made him a nice cake which he ate happily. He shared most of it with his mother, despite it being his favorite. Once, that was finished and he washed up it happened with a flash of movement. His mother was barricaded into the kitchen and two men dressed in white cloaks with white hoods covering their face grabbed a hold of him. He tried to struggle but one of the men raised his left hand, which Talon noticed was missing its ring finger, and a blade jettisoned out from his sleeve. The man said, “Go without a struggle, and you won’t die.”

Talon did just that. He said his farewells to his mother and she did the same in return. The men blindfolded him and that’s the last he remembered. He awoke in a small room with another boy. The other boy was wearing the same outfit as the men but still had all his fingers. The boy was still sleeping. Talon noticed that their door was labeled: Talon and John – Room 222. So, the boys name was John. He then decided to have a look around the room. It wasn’t half bad. The beds were comfortable and there was plenty of storage space. He then noticed the items he packed laying at the foot of his bed. He took it out and looked at the items. He put on the headband and necklace. Then, as he was putting on the cloak he gasped. The cloak his father left for him was the same that the two men were wearing. So, he might find his father after all. He decided to poke around the room some more, since he was locked in there, he opened the drawers and saw that they were filled with the robes and hoods. He looked in the closet to see brown boots. On the small table he noticed some weapons. A short blade, a sword, some throwing knives and a glove with a blade attached to it. “What is this place,” Talon thought, “It can’t be what I think it is.” He then decided to go to sleep, there wasn’t much left for him to do.

He was awoken by John. John explained what this place was. Talon’s fears came true. It was a place to train to become assassins and John was almost done. That meant Talon would have to go threw ruthless training. Even worse he would lose a finger. John told him that he (John) would be losing his finger tomorrow and would become a real assassin​

​

 

[Tyler Durden]

The text colors are annoying.

Your sentences are too short and choppy.

It's 'through' not 'threw'.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Yeah, I went and spell checked it. I'll remove the colors if you want.
Almost, done Chapter 2.

 

[Q]

The sentences are choppy, and the basis is somewhat cliche. =/ A school of assassins?

 

[Deleted member 36435]

I'm working on the sentence length right now.
Also, it isn't a school of assassins. It's inspired by Assassin's Creed. The assassins are trained in a temple. I just made the temple very large.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Chapter two

“Wake up you two! Time to get to the mess hall for the new kid’s Start Ceremony!” a guard yelled to them from outside their room.

“Throw on the white cloak and hood, Talon; it’ll make me look good. Even though I’m graduating I have to stick around for awhile until you get the hang of things as a kind of mentor.”

“Alright, I’ll do that,” Talon replied.

They left the room, which the guard unlocked for them, to “mess hall.” They entered threw a large wooden door and Talon was shocked at what he saw. It was far from what he imagined. The “mess hall” was clean and the tables made of marble. Food was set onto a huge table at the front where other assassins were already standing taking food and placing it onto the stone trays to eat. The ceremony started with Talon being gathered into a line of new people and walked up to the head table where the leader sat. He then gave each of them his blessings and they were led to a separate table where they sat together with their mentors and ate. The rest of that day they were ran through the basics of the weapons and techniques ,but, most importantly they were informed that they should be prepared to die to keep the Assassin’s Secret safe. Also, they are to follow The Assassin’s Creed:

1) Never harm an innocent.

2) Don’t reveal the Assassins' secrets.

3) Don’t jeopardize the mission.

If they broke any of those they would be demoted or killed. Depending on how severely they broke The Assassin’s Creed. They were then handed their weapons and told to go to bed.

When Talon awoke the next day John wasn’t there. He probably went to get ready for the removal of his finger. So, Talon put on his cloak and hood and went to the mess hall. He had to run because he heard to bell chiming and he was going to be late. He made just as the last chime sounded which was very fortunate for the young assassin. John seemed like he was the only one getting initiated today. No one else was standing up near the master, which hadn’t revealed his name yet, which sparked Talon’s curiosity. Why would John be the only one graduating right now? Had the others in his class all died?

“I’d like to congratulate John on being the first of his class to graduate. As most of you know the whole class doesn’t graduate at the same time or year. You graduate when ready and John is ready! John, pick a friend and have them give me their blade for the ceremony!”

“I pick… Talon.”

 

[Tyler Durden]

They entered a large wooden door and Talon was shocked at what he saw.

I'm glad they entered the door. They can phase through walls and shit, huh?

The rest of that day they were ran threw the basics of the weapons and techniques but most importantly they were informed that they should be prepared to die to keep the Assassin’s Secret safe. Also, they are to follow The Assassin’s Creed:

I wouldn't want to be thrown through my classes. And they also learned to not use commas, AMIRITE?

He had to run because he heard to bell chiming and he was going to be late.

I'm glad he managed to hear all the way to the bell. If he hadn't, it might not have ended well.

2) Don’t reveal the Assassin’s secrets.

Wait, there's only one? Damn, that must be one hardcore mo-fo.

John, pick a friend and have the give me their blade for the ceremony!”

It would have made more sense if you said PICK MAN RUN TO ALL YOU BASES!

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Fix'd them. Thank you, Dawning.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Sorry for the double post. I'm going to post the whole story so far.

Talon was a young boy growing up in a small village. The village was located on the outskirts of a large city, Damas. Talon had an interest in many things, birds, farming, sword fighting, even fishing. He could also move very quietly. His village which didn’t even have a name wasn’t prospering in any of those fields. All the men in the village mysteriously disappeared after their 13th birthday. The woman which stayed forever had to go into the city to get married. They then came back with rich husbands that left after a child was born. Talon was nearing his 13th birthday and he was nervous to what was coming. He had heard rumors that they were abducted and taken to train as assassins in the city and he had also heard rumors that they became simple blacksmiths. He didn’t even know if they were true, however he would soon find out.

~ ~

Today was the day. Talon was 13. He had knots in his stomach and his legs felt like they would fall out from underneath him. Whatever would come tonight, he wasn’t ready. He quickly got dressed and packed his valuables. He took a Sapphire Necklace his mother gave him when he was three, a black headband he found on the ground after a group of merchants came to the village, and then he took his white cloak. His white cloak was all he had left of his father which left as he was born. When Talon remembered that a new spark of excitement rose from inside of him, maybe he would see his father! That day all he did was sit and wait for dinner. When dinner came his mother made him a nice cake which he ate happily. He shared most of it with his mother, despite it being his favorite. Once, that was finished and he washed up it happened with a flash of movement. His mother was barricaded into the kitchen and two men dressed in white cloaks with white hoods covering their face grabbed a hold of him. He tried to struggle but one of the men raised his left hand, which Talon noticed was missing its ring finger, and a blade jettisoned out from his sleeve. The man said, “Go without a struggle, and you won’t die.”

Talon did just that. He said his farewells to his mother and she did the same in return. The men blindfolded him and that’s the last he remembered. He awoke in a small room with another boy. The other boy was wearing the same outfit as the men but still had all his fingers. The boy was still sleeping. Talon noticed that their door was labeled: Talon and John – Room 222. So, the boy’s name was John. He then decided to have a look around the room. It wasn’t half bad. The beds were comfortable and there was plenty of storage space. He then noticed the items he packed laying at the foot of his bed. He took it out and looked at the items. He put on the headband and necklace. Then, as he was putting on the cloak he gasped. The cloak his father left for him was the same that the two men were wearing. So, he might find his father after all. He decided to poke around the room some more, since he was locked in there, he opened the drawers and saw that they were filled with the robes and hoods. He looked in the closet to see brown boots. On the small table he noticed some weapons. A short blade, a sword, some throwing knives and a glove with a blade attached to it. “What is this place?” Talon thought, “It can’t be what I think it is.” He then decided to go to sleep, there wasn’t much left for him to do.

He was awoken by John. John explained what this place was. Talon’s fears came true. It was a place to train to become assassins and John was almost done. That meant Talon would have to go through ruthless training. Even worse he would lose a finger. John told him that he (John) would be losing his finger tomorrow and would become a real assassin.

“Wake up you two! Time to get to the mess hall for the new kid’s Start Ceremony!” a guard yelled to them from outside their room.

“Throw on the white cloak and hood, Talon; it’ll make me look good. Even though I’m graduating I have to stick around for awhile until you get the hang of things as a kind of mentor.”

“Alright, I’ll do that,” Talon replied.

They left the room, which the guard unlocked for them, to “mess hall.” They entered threw a large wooden door and Talon was shocked at what he saw. It was far from what he imagined. The “mess hall” was clean and the tables made of marble. Food was set onto a huge table at the front where other assassins were already standing taking food and placing it onto the stone trays to eat. The ceremony started with Talon being gathered into a line of new people and walked up to the head table where the leader sat. He then gave each of them his blessings and they were led to a separate table where they sat together with their mentors and ate. The rest of that day they were ran through the basics of the weapons and techniques but most importantly they were informed that they should be prepared to die to keep the Assassin’s Secret safe. Also, they are to follow The Assassin’s Creed:

1) Never harm an innocent.

2) Don’t reveal the Assassins’ secrets.

3) Don’t jeopardize the mission.

If they broke any of those they would be demoted or killed. Depending on how severely they broke The Assassin’s Creed. They were then handed their weapons and told to go to bed.

When Talon awoke the next day John wasn’t there. He probably went to get ready for the removal of his finger. So, Talon put on his cloak and hood and went to the mess hall. He had to run because he heard to bell chiming and he was going to be late. He made just as the last chime sounded which was very fortunate for the young assassin he was starving and if he was late he wouldn’t be allowed to eat. John seemed like he was the only one getting initiated today. No one else was standing up near the master, which hadn’t revealed his name yet, which sparked Talon’s curiosity. Why would John be the only one graduating right now? Had the others in his class all died?

“I’d like to congratulate John on being the first of his class to graduate. As most of you know the whole class doesn’t graduate at the same time or year. You graduate when ready and John is ready! John, pick a friend and have them give me their blade for the ceremony!”

“I pick… Talon.”

“Talon, come up here and hand me your short blade.” Talon walked up slowly because he was nervous. Why had John picked him? They only knew each other for a day. When he reached The Master he cautiously placed the blade in the old man’s hand.

“Talon, hold John’s arm and hand out for me.”

“Alright,” Talon replied as he held John’s hand out. In one quick movement John’s finger was on the floor, Talon’s blade was covered in blood, and the others were cheering. Talon noticed that John didn’t even flinched even though he was holding a bandage to his finger. The bandage was already red from the blood. Suddenly, Talon didn’t feel like eating despite his earlier hunger. After that came endless days of intense training…

~ ~

It didn’t feel like long but before he knew it Talon found himself in the same spot as John did four years ago. He had himself his own apprentice, Denzi, and was getting his finger removed that day. He, like John, picked Denzi to remove his finger. He now understood why John picked him. A certain bond forms between the apprentice and mentor even though they’ve only known each other for a few days. Talon walked up to the head table and stood there waiting for the ceremony to start. The Master said the same words he did to John to Talon that day. John then picked Denzi and his blade for the ceremony. Once the finger was removed Talon felt great, like a burden he had been carrying his whole life had been removed. The ceremony wasn’t painful at all, but he knew he had to stop the bleeding, so he did what John did and cover the wound with his sleeve.

Once the bleeding stopped he went to get armed up because his first assassination would be today. He went to The Master’s quarters and waited until The Master came in. It felt like ages but eventually he entered.

“Ahhhh, Talon you’ve been waiting I see. Don’t say anything until I am done. Understand? Good. Now, in Damas, there is a man breaking into homes, murdering the people that live there, stealing their items, then selling them on the streets. I want you to take him down. His name is Alit, he does his ‘work’ in the Middle District near the fountain. First, you must find out all you can about this man. Once you know where he goes after a day of selling you need to follow him until he is alone then strike. He shouldn’t be too hard to eliminate if you can surprise him. Now go!”

Talon left the Temple Grounds fully armed. His hidden blade at the ready, throwing knives easily accessible, sword sharpened and short blade polished. He walked into the streets to see if he could gather any information on Alit. He decided to head to Alit’s stand in the Middle District. He saw two men talking by the fountain, he decided to listen in.

“Nice pot you got there.”

“Yeah, I just bought it from the stand over there.”
“Does he have any more of them?”

“Yes, but I’m buying them tonight. He said they are rare so I could only buy one now and the rest later. So, I wouldn’t have them stolen.”

“I see. Where are you going to meet him? I may want to purchase something.”

“He said he heads home threw the ally over there. I should meet him at his house at the end of the ally.”

“Thank you.”

Now Talon knew where to strike Alit, in a dark ally at night, perfect for an assassination. Talon waited all day for the merchant to leave. Many people bought things from him; he made a great profit off of stolen property. As soon as the merchant left the stand Talon slipped into the shadows. Alit walked slowly due to all the items he carried. Talon dashed out of the shadows jumped, activated his hidden blade and landed on the merchant. This knocked Alit onto the ground. Talon raised his left hand and struck, the hidden blade landed expertly into Alit’s neck. The merchant’s evil was put to an end. Talon ran out of the ally towards the temple. He was lucky it was night or else he would have had some trouble getting back. Once home he told The Master of his success. The Master didn’t show any happiness he just told Talon to get some rest.

 

[snowdog]

Question... Is this original, or is it an Assassin's Creed fanfic? It seems more like the latter...

As for writing style, there are no real complaints here. Other than the already mentioned typos and mistakes in grammar, it's fine. Though, there's lots of telling, and not enough showing.

Keep writing! =3

<3

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Well, the characters and places are original.
I wasn't sure which to put even though it heavily using Assassin's Creed.

 

[Guile]

Well, the characters and places are original.
I wasn't sure which to put even though it heavily using Assassin's Creed.

Originality is within the concept, not the characters. Anyone can take a few characters that are unlike most people's and take someone else's idea for the concept.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

I can't change the title. :<