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Help/Support ► ~ An Interesting Situation ~ (Long Read)



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Deeman

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Hey y'alls. This is Deeman, yep. I never thought I'd post a thread like this, but considering that a great majority of you give out helpful advice, I decided to post my issue/or my thoughts in here. I apologize for the massive post. For those of you who don't want to read it all, then don't. And if you don't read it, don't post. You need to know the situation completely before giving some advice.

So, what's the problem, you may ask? Well, some of you already know. A girl problem. Typical, huh?

I'm your average fifteen year old, lost in the life of love. I go to church, to seminary class, and to French class, while all the while I home school. Like the word homeschooling implies, I do my work at home.

I've had crushes on girls that have come and gone, some staying longer than others. Each time ended up with me always getting over the girl. But now, since I'm "older", having a crush feels much more than just a crush.

So there's this girl. She goes to the same church as I, attends Seminary classes with me, and has a fully devoted boyfriend. She's a beautiful person on the outside and inside, with a bright personality and cheery character. She's 16 while her boyfriend is almost 19.

You know what's coming, don't you? Haha, yep. You guessed it.

I like her.

These feelings started quite a while ago, maybe even before she got her boyfriend. And over time these feelings developed. I like her a lot, and I wish I could let her know that. I thought, oh I did think, that these feelings would evaporate over time, but they haven't. Oh no, they're up there more than ever.

You can probably guess the problem as well, huh?

She has a boyfriend. A boyfriend I can tell she cares for. So, you may ask, why do I bother to continue liking her? That's another issue. I can't. When I try to, these feelings only become stronger. I constantly find myself looking in her direction or wanting to be around her. When she's with her boyfriend, it pains me to see them interact with each other. Jealousy much? Yep, that's right. I'm a jealous fool lost in love.

She's a beautiful person, but she can also be a bit misleading. She tends to "flirt" sometimes. Yeah, I know, strange. It baffles me. Like take a couple weeks ago, for instance. I was sitting between her and her sister in the car and they both wanted to listen to my iPod; as a result, the girl I like had to move closer to me to reach the ear phone. After doing so, she proceeds to rest her head on my shoulder, tapping my knee. Oh, the feeling was wonderful, having a girl you like rest her head on your shoulder. But it was also confusing. Did she mean it? Was this flirting or just something that girls do to guys they don't like?

Now, currently, things haven't really changed. In fact, the situation has gotten more intense on my part. This girl, I can't get her out of my mind. Whenever I think of her, I have this satisfying tingle in my upper chest, and whenever I see her, I can't help but smile. I thought things would calm down, but no. Not at all. And my jealousy for her boyfriend has increased as well. This may seem selfish, and I'm sure it is, but I wish they'd just break up sooner or later.

Anywho, last night, I had a dream. One of the best dreams I've ever had. It was unbelievably real.

A part of the dream had me inside a kitchen with that girl I like and her friend. I think we're washing dishes together... not sure. Anyway, on to the point, she turns around to me and says something along the lines of this:

"I think it's time for your first kiss."

And we kiss. The reality of it was overwhelming. I thought I had fainted.

So the first part of the dream really got to me. I was extremely upset when I realized none of this happened. I'm pissed.

Now, okay, moving on to this morning. She goes to a seminary class with me, and this morning, she stared me down; literally. She wouldn't stop. I looked at her. She was looking at me. So I turned my head away, pretending not to notice. I could feel her eyes burn into my skin. That warm, nerve-racking sensation swelled up inside of me and I dared to see if she was still looking. Oh yes, she was. My friend, who was sitting beside me, then precedes to ask me a question. Completely taken aback by the situation, I had no words to respond with and when I did say something, my voice was unusually hoarse. Finally, she looks down at the table in front of her. She appeared deep in thought for a moment...

I've noticed that she tends to catch my eye more often now. Is it because I myself want her to look at me and notice these glances more than I should? am I thinking wrongly when I think she might have some feelings for me?

I don't understand! I think it's just my imagination playing tricks on me. I just like her so much that if she even looks at me for a second, I'll think she has something for me.

This situation rips and tears and my emotions. I want to have my way, I just do. But I can't... and I can only hope she has some feelings for me down inside. And that, I do not know.

My sister also told me that girls tend to go for guys who are older than them. Is that true? If so, then I probably don't stand a chance.

Wow, this is long. If you read this, cudos to you. I'll appreciate any comment given to me.

So here's my question:
Should I pursue this girl and try to start something with her, letting things play out naturally? If not, how do I get over her?
 

gottaluvkh1992

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im kinda in that situation, but im afraid theres a big difference, i cant do anything you can, you can ask why she is looking at you but dont go "why do you keep staring at me" something softer. And is she gets nervous and looks to the left or right she is lying or she doesnt want to make eye contact meaning she may like you. Thats all i can say at the moment sorry, i understand what your going through it hurts alot when you know that you cant have the one you love.
 

Zero

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I read the whole thing and yeah im 12 but I was thinking do something that gets her off your mind and wait for things to go their own way and maybe what you want might happen.
 
T

Tyler Durden

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I wouold definitely ask what she thinks is going on first. Is there any way that she knows you like her? If there is, shhe may have found out and just be sixing you up. Like

'Oh yeah, th tkid that likes me is really cool.' or, in a darker tone 'Yeah, tha tkid was cool, but now he's such a dork'.

If there isn't any way of her finding out, well...she could still be sizing you up. Although rare, she may be thinking of leaving her boyfriend for you.
 

Ultima-Sora

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Awww, that's cute! Anyway, I honestly think you should swallow your pride and ask her for her address. You shouldn't ask her for her number (Her boyfriend could get pissed.) because I asked a girl with a boyfriend her number before, she let me have it, but the boyfriend started to think he was being cheated on. If you get her address instead of her number you could be pen pals, then you might be able to avoid angry boyfriends.
 

Deeman

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I wouold definitely ask what she thinks is going on first. Is there any way that she knows you like her?
No one has a clue that I like her. Only a friend who has now moved from here to somewhere else knows that I do. Everyone else thinks I like her sister or random people I honestly don't like.

Although rare, she may be thinking of leaving her boyfriend for you.
You don't know how happy I would be. But that is extremely rare. Like, extreme. =/

Awww, that's cute! Anyway, I honestly think you should swallow your pride and ask her for her address. You shouldn't ask her for her number (Her boyfriend could get pissed.) because I asked a girl with a boyfriend her number before, she let me have it, but the boyfriend started to think he was being cheated on. If you get her address instead of her number you could be pen pals, then you might be able to avoid angry boyfriends.
No need for that. I've known her and her family for over five years now. I go to their house every so often to hang out with her brother. I guess you could say we're friends. But we don't call each other up or anything like that. She's on my contact list on MSN, too.
 
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gottaluvkh1992

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No one has a clue that I like her. Only a friend who has now moved from here to somewhere else knows that I do. Everyone else thinks I like her sister or random people I honestly don't like.

You don't know how happy I would be. But that is extremely rare. Like, extreme. =/

No need for that. I've known her and her family for over five years now. I go to their house every so often to hang out with her brother. I guess you could say we're friends. But we don't call each other up or anything like that. She's on my contact list on MSN and, too.

ask for her msn youd be surprised how easy you can become best friends on msn ive made like 4 best friends since i got it
 

snowdog

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Mmm. This is confusing to say the least.

Well, it does seem like this girl is interested, but it's difficult to tell whether it's friendship, or something more. From what you've said, it sounds like she definitely likes you, but like I said, it's not clear in what way. Sounds like you've made it clear you like her. ;3

You have to remember that, at the end of the day, she has a boyfriend - which is probably the biggest issue here. Now, if she knows how you feel, and feels the same way - in a more-than-friends-kinda-way - then it's up to her to make the decision; does she leave her boyfriend for you, or stick with him? It's her responsibility.

I wouldn't recommend getting too close, or telling her straight how you feel; at least not yet, anyway. Put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes for a moment and you'll know.

... sorry this has been so lacking in eloquence. I really want to help, but I can't seem to put this into words. n_n; Did you understand what I meant?

<3
 

Deeman

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Aw, thanks snow! It makes perfect sense.

I'm just as confused as you said you were, though. The situation is very sticky. Very much so...

Thanks for your help. <3
 

Lycanthrope

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Feel your pain, Dee. Feel your pain.

Well, I'm going to give you the best advice I can. Can't guarantee it'll work out in a great way.

Play it out naturally.

Generally, teenage relationships DON'T last extremely long. Sure, we get a few cases where kids go out all through high school, but rare it is. If you still like her, play it out naturally. If you somewhat moved on, like I, pursue different girls.

Just letting you know, I know many cases of sophomores going out with senior. It happens. A lot.
 

Thelonepickle

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Well, you could wait it out, but seeing as how your feelings for her have only gotten stronger, you might decide to go after this.

If you do, just take it slow. You could be honest and say something like, "Look, I want you to know how I feel about you. I really like you and everything, but I know you have a boyfriend, so I won't bother you. I just thought you should know." If you're not, like, In Her Face about it, she won't feel threatened, and if you convey that you'll respect her wishes either way, she probably won't take offense.

How long have they been together? The age difference between them is probably going to be really hard, y'know? Seriously, even if they were together in high school, now that he's (I'm assuming he is, anyway) in college, it's gonna get a lot harder. :/
 

Deeman

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Thanks for the advice, Frozen. You rock. =D
How long have they been together? The age difference between them is probably going to be really hard, y'know? Seriously, even if they were together in high school, now that he's (I'm assuming he is, anyway) in college, it's gonna get a lot harder. :/
Almost two years now, methinks. They only started getting serious earlier this year, though. He's much older than her, yeah... I wish he didn't like her. Things would be so much easier. And in a year or so, he's heading out for two years. Something could happen between me and her then.

Again, thanks everyone. I'm going to play it out naturally. Also, I might do what you said, Thelonepickle, and tell her my feelings... I want to, but it'll be hard.

~<3
 

Lycanthrope

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She might had noticed my uneasiness when she was staring at me; that might had told her something...

So true. Girls can somehow miraculously get signs that you like her. Its extremely creepy beyond belief.

I know a girl who knew I was going out with this one girl before I knew it once...
 

Deeman

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So true. Girls can somehow miraculously get signs that you like her. Its extremely creepy beyond belief.

I know a girl who knew I was going out with this one girl before I knew it once...
Wow. Impressive.

That gives me more reason to think that she may know I like her. I'll be seeing her tomorrow at church. I'll look and see if she acts differently towards me or anything of the sort.
 

Blue

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Wow,I didn't think guys would talk about something like that.I'm kinda surprised....
 
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