TICK TOCK, KID!
- May 12, 2004
Hey, guys! I'm in a bit of a pickle and I need a little bit of advice. This is a complex situation, but any bit of advice would be super helpful.
I know this is really complex but any advice is super-duper appreciated ;u; Thanks you lots!!Spoiler ShowI've posted on here a couple of times in the past about my situation involving my mom and myself. (The abridged version is that my parents are divorced, she moved in with her boyfriend, I'm stuck at home without a car, she refused to live in our house because of how much she associates it with my dad [which I understand, but it's not fair to me], I have anxiety that keeps me from driving and even simple things like sitting in classrooms during lectures and stuff, etc.)
The situation kinda... not got worse, but changed a little bit. She's now expecting a kid. Granted, it won't be for a while, but still, it's happening and I'm upset, angry, and I feel like neither of my parents want me; my dad and I have cut off contact with each other for the most part, then my mom decides to do this and I feel like I'm being replaced and she's restarting her family without me. So, that's fun lol. I'm supposed to be an "adult," I shouldn't feel like this lmao.
But I need to do better things for myself. I need to just get out of here and get into a better situation. I'm miserable here, I'm kind of depressed, and I feel alone constantly. All of my friends live in other states and even in other parts of the world, so there's literally no reason for me to stay here.
I told my mom that I needed to move out before she had this kid, for my own happiness and mental health. She basically told me that I wasn't allowed to because she thinks I'm too anxious to live on my own (I've lived on my own twice, though it was in a decently controlled environment, but still, I've lived on my own lol), we don't have money for me to move, and then there's the driving thing.
My mom understands my anxiety problems the most out of anyone. But, she also thinks I'm constantly having problems, which that's not the case. I just hit a bump and I'm having more problems than usual right now. I overcame my panic attacks to enjoy my job when I was working at Disney, where I was surrounded by thousands of (sometimes very grumpy and angry lol) people and dealt with fireworks almost every night, two things that are huge triggers for my panic attacks. I got over them solely because I wanted to enjoy my job, since I loved it so much. I can get over this stuff, but she just doesn't believe that I can and it's frustrating.
I know, when this kid shows up, I'm going to be unhappy much more so than I already am. She's not going to make or have time for me, she's not going to have time to help me, and it's better if I move out. I have to move out and get on with my life, I'm already at least two years behind with college and I'm getting further behind. I don't want to graduate when I'm 30, that terrifies me more than anything.
I realize that this is pretty complex, but does anyone have any advice on what I can do? I'm going to ask my grandparents for help, since they've been trying to help me move out and they know how unhappy I am. I'm trying to figure out how to fix my anxiety with driving, since I know once I get over that, that'll help out significantly. I've also seen a therapist about my anxiety, and I'm considering (even though I really don't want to lol) getting on some sort of medication to help me out.
I'm just frustrated beyond belief. I've been trying to get moving with my life again since last August, and now I feel like I can't because my mom decided to have a kid, which has basically ruled out any way for me to get out of this situation. But I have no choice -- I have to get out of this and I can't wait another year (or longer) for that to happen. It has to happen within the next few months.