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Davy Jones

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Well, I never thought I'd post a thread here. But even my shallow knowledge of self-help can't pull me out of my current state.

Let's start at how I feel: alone.

It all happened one day, when someone suggested that I had friends for no reason. Suddenly, all of my friends were no longer there for me, just...there. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid, maybe I'm overly analytical, but I just suddenly felt seperated from everyone around me. Soon, everything I once knew was distanced from me; meeting with friends and family became more awkward, the funniest moments were cut off by pessimism, I was left out of conversations with my best friends. I'm not saying I'm not ever happy, it's just I feel empty inside, like all of the joy around me thrusts me away.

I realize that I don't live in a muddy street scrounging through trash bins to find maggots and scraps. But I have an overly analytical mind, a mind that disects the most benign of gestures to find maleficence that wasn't intended.

Another contributer to this feeling is... her.

Well, like my username's namesake, I have run afoul of that which vexes all men.

Aye, a woman.

I have had crushes before, but nothing like this. I fell head over heels for a girl. I saw everything I liked in her: beauty, humor, creativity, intelligence, kindness. I confessed my feelings to her, and she simply shot me down with more than a simple no.

I know that someone is thinking that relationships in high school are merely superficial and don't mean much. I realized this fact, but when love strikes this doesn't really matter anymore. I tried to cheer up, but everytime I saw her I just felt emptier and emptier inside.

Well, that about sums up how I feel. I realize that this is not the first story like this, and quite frankly, you don't have to give me any help whatsoever. I just needed a place to outline my thoughts for my own sake. But advice would be helpful, for I just can't seem to jump this hurdle and enjoy the things I have...
 

ViVi94

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Well, I'd be the last to tell you " at least you don't live in a muddy street scrounging through trash bins to find maggots and scraps" Because when people do it to me, I feel like they think my problem is absolutely nothing. And, it might be partially one of puberty's many annoying side effects. As for the girl, that sucks, which is why I personally believe love is overrated, you see all these high school love stories and go, "Cool! Love looks awesome!" But really, it's dissapointment and heartache (Before anyone askes, no I DID NOT just break up with a boy, I never even had a boyfriend). And, I never thought I'd post here either, but, I've already posted here twice and now I'm thinking about a third time... YAY ME! Anyway... and if the girl is shooing you down that much for asking her out... then she really doesn't seem that nice, I'm a girl and I would know, a kind girl would just say "no thank you, sorry". And I'll go post something somewhere else and talk about my own problems now before I accidentally turn this into MY rant lol.
 

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Let's start at how I feel: alone.

It all happened one day, when someone suggested that I had friends for no reason. Suddenly, all of my friends were no longer there for me, just...there. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid, maybe I'm overly analytical, but I just suddenly felt seperated from everyone around me. Soon, everything I once knew was distanced from me; meeting with friends and family became more awkward, the funniest moments were cut off by pessimism, I was left out of conversations with my best friends. I'm not saying I'm not ever happy, it's just I feel empty inside, like all of the joy around me thrusts me away.
This is exactly how I feel right now. I mean, I hang out with my friends all the time but suddenly it seems like I'm left out of most things. Not like they don't like me or anything, It's just like they don't notice. It only started a few months ago.

It doesn't really matter to me though. At first it did, but I don't really mind being alone for now. Once high school is over I probably won't see any of them for a long time, and I think most of them are pretty stupid really.
 

ViVi94

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heh, yea, I don't really like my friends at the moment, I actually like most of my aquaintances more than my best friend (She's friends with my mortal freakin' enemy, nuff said!) I might even start hanging with them more... there I go with my problems again, sorry, but anyway, maybe you should consider new friends?
 

RikuxSora_Lover

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Friends huh... If me... In school, i dun really need friends. Because (they are sooo talkative) sometimes i can have a full peace. But we DO need friends right? Being felt out is really sad. Me too, i ever being ignored too in my first day of new school. Of course, i feel the emptinesss like you too, then i cried (quietly). But then, because my classmates there is quite childish, when they saw me drawing, they quickly 'assembled' to me and said, "Wow!!" Then, we all become friends. Sorry, i just feel like sharing my story with you. I'm no good in giving advice.
 

AkuRoku_Lover

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Well it happened to me too... Sometimes I just can't seem to join in the conversation or be relax when meeting relatives or friends. But I think I'm getting better, at least now I'm not that bad anymore... My suggestion is that you open your mind to those happening around you: try to read more magazines, listen to music that your friends might love, pay more attention to what's going on in your high school (eg: that nasty disciplinary teacher has punished another 20 students!), try not being too quiet (join in conversations in a relaxed manner, don't be too stiff!) and lastly, have a positive mind (it makes a WHOLE lot difference, believe me or not)!! With these, hopefully you can interact with your friends and family a lot easier and relaxed.

I'm not that good in interacting with people too, but I'm still trying my best even now. I don't have much friends too, I can count it easily with my fingers. Anyway, the most important thing is DON'T LOSE HOPE!!
 
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Leonard

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Anyway... and if the girl is shooing you down that much for asking her out... then she really doesn't seem that nice, I'm a girl and I would know, a kind girl would just say "no thank you, sorry".
She's absolutely right. I can't imagine, that a girl ,like you have described her, would act so heartless and not care about your feelings at all. I don't know how exactly she told you, but you should be able to tell if she really is that girl you had the impression of.

I really hope this helps ^^
just don't give up, there are many people on this world who experience the same things you do.
 

CAB_IV

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Well, I never thought I'd post a thread here. But even my shallow knowledge of self-help can't pull me out of my current state.

Let's start at how I feel: alone.

It all happened one day, when someone suggested that I had friends for no reason. Suddenly, all of my friends were no longer there for me, just...there. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid, maybe I'm overly analytical, but I just suddenly felt seperated from everyone around me. Soon, everything I once knew was distanced from me; meeting with friends and family became more awkward, the funniest moments were cut off by pessimism, I was left out of conversations with my best friends. I'm not saying I'm not ever happy, it's just I feel empty inside, like all of the joy around me thrusts me away.
This is called depression. I've felt like this, but trust me, don't let it get to you. Even though it is tough to deal with, It can be overcome. think of random stupid stuff. it really helps. things like chef brian help alot... If you don't feel alittle bit better, then I need somehting more random and stupid... ( http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comics/20080105.jpg )


I have had crushes before, but nothing like this. I fell head over heels for a girl. I saw everything I liked in her: beauty, humor, creativity, intelligence, kindness. I confessed my feelings to her, and she simply shot me down with more than a simple no.
been there to, except for that middle part about confessing. Thats you're problem. I'll explain farther down. marked with a star (*) so you know which one.

I know that someone is thinking that relationships in high school are merely superficial and don't mean much. I realized this fact, but when love strikes this doesn't really matter anymore. I tried to cheer up, but everytime I saw her I just felt emptier and emptier inside.
Usually they are. Most guys want to be cool and have all these conquests, and most girls just want what they think is love. Now i've been hit by this same empty feeling, and i'm telling you, it goes away with time. You might physically feel that ache, but you won't emotionally, if that makes any sense to you. You just need some crazy people to help distract you and stuff. I'm not kidding when I say i've been down that road of emptyness. I know it hurts, but you have to say to yourself (and please do let this become your mindset, you'll be happier later):

" My world does not revolve around [insert source of drama here]. I am a strong and independant young man, and I CAN survive and be happy without her. My life should not suck just because of one girl, she cannot and will not be the center of my universe."

all of which is absolutely true. You have you, and chances are, you are more capble than you think you are. don't mope, just get rolling. As you roll along, your heart will thaw and it will feel better. Just force yourself to keep doing fun things, and eventually you won't be forcing yourself any more. Trust me.

Well, that about sums up how I feel. I realize that this is not the first story like this, and quite frankly, you don't have to give me any help whatsoever. I just needed a place to outline my thoughts for my own sake. But advice would be helpful, for I just can't seem to jump this hurdle and enjoy the things I have...
read the above paragraph by me.

Anyway... and if the girl is shooing you down that much for asking her out... then she really doesn't seem that nice, I'm a girl and I would know, a kind girl would just say "no thank you, sorry".
*** Here is Davy's major reason for not succeeding***

Yes, this is blunt, but its the best adivce ever. He confessed his love. a confession of love seems to indicate that one day he broke and dropped the love bomb on this unsuspecting probably sweet and kind girl ( don't think he is lying. its usually the nice ones that people get stuck with crushes like this anyway).

In fact, wether or not this girl was nice or kind or not is totally irrelevant to this situation.

You can't let these intense emotions out at one time on a girl. Shes not even going to have time to think of a kind or polite answer. I bet there was a slight awkward pause before she said no. Thats because he took her off guard, and as much as i hate to sound negative, that was wrong.

You really need to get to know the girl first. girls aren't going to simply go "OKAY!" and be with you. There needs to be an attraction, or atleast, good reason, for you to ask just to be in a relationship (let alone tell her exactly how you feel). It would help to just hang out in a comfortable enviorment with her, like in her group of mutual friends (and if you don't have any mutual friends, make friends with her friends). Anyway, the point is so that she is comfortable with you, and that your presence is not that of a stranger. This can take time, and you have to keep your wits. Love is just as much a thinking man's game as it is a quest of the heart. let your mind and your common sense tell you whats right and wrong. Don't listen to your heart, since it is usually impatient and is bursting with emotions and other things that you don't need right now.

Your heart is also a dangerous path to the "friend zone", the relationship equivalent to a black hole. You're heart will want to support her emotionally, since its like "showing your love", but you can't do this. What will happen, is she will just pull you in as a friend, and before you know it you'll be gettin the "just friends" or "you are like the brother i never had" speeches, none of which are good. At that point, you'll never free yourself from that part of her heart. she will never want you as anything more. You have to wait. Emotions come much later. Its possible to be her friend without being in the friend zone. the main idea is to not get TO close to her.

Next, ask her to go do things just between the two of you, or even a date (dates don't mean a relationship though, they are more like trial runs. You need to still sorta keep your distance emotionally), when you think both of you are ready. Don't be worried if she doesn't want to. You can't rush the other person, let her take her time. Rushing her will bug her at best, and it probably will freak her out. Don't beg, don't bother her all the time. Just ask every once in a while when things seem oppertune.

Now, if she agrees, you can't let loose your heart yet. Its a victory, but don't let it get to you. You aren't out of the fire yet. This is the kind of place where she can become alot more comfortable with you, and if things work out the right way, she may become open, or even be developing a crush of her own on you. Or she might not, but this isn't your call. don't get desperate. You have to stay calm. Be at ease, this is how she would want you to be if she realy did like you, not all freaking out about your emotions. Just be that fun and good (but not to nice, remember friend zone=bad) guy that i assume you are.

the goal of these dates is to build up her attraction towards you (because attraction is needed for her to build up that possible spark for a relationship). This is sort of the moment of truth. You have to be yourself, but you have to be yourself as you are in you best possible light. You should appear to not care either way, and only care about having a good time for all. Don't do unattractive things. this includes:

1.)being pathetic in any way. Don't talk about crappy things. her feeling sorry for you is not attractive and it will also send you into the friend zone of death!

2.)Don't buy her everything she likes. girls talk out loud, and that would definitely be weird and would freak her out.

3.) Don't over compliment/"pep talk" her. Its ok here or there, but you aren't their to be her cheer leader. You arent' there to be her friend either. You are there to hopefully be her boyfriend. You aren't being a jerk, or not a nice guy. there is nothing mean about just not saying any compliments for everything.

In the above things, it makes you look like 1) you are weak, which is unattractive, 2) you worship her, wich with the exception of some dominant BDSM types, will not win her attraction, and 3) desperate. These things will just turn her off to you.

Now, if you go on a couple dates, and she finds some special feelings for you, don't snuff them out under a wall of witheld emotions. Just be slow about it. You can say you like her, but don't go into how much and don't let your emotions get out of hand ( as in, don't get into poetry here. A simple "I really like you," will suffice). Just let enough out so that she knows that you have feelings for her. If she feels the same way, she'll probably let you know. After that just keep letting bits and pieces of your feelings out slowly, and just don't creep her out.

Once you are far along, and your relationship is stable, you can start increasing that emotional support you have wanted to give to her from the start. At this point, alot of the stress and strain should be relieved so you should be fine.


Wether or not this girl is salvageable as a relationship partner is likely, the above should help you out in the future with other girls if you meet them. The best thing you can do is apologize to her for being so awkward. Hopefully she will forgive you, and you can go about the above plan. just don't look like your emotions control you. give it a couple months before you think about pushing much farther than a regular friend (and remember, avoid that friend zone that happens when you get to close).

Yeah, that was long, but i hope it helps. I wonder who reads this stuff? :toungesmile:
 

Hypoxium

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This is called depression. I've felt like this, but trust me, don't let it get to you. Even though it is tough to deal with, It can be overcome. think of random stupid stuff. it really helps. things like chef brian help alot... If you don't feel alittle bit better, then I need somehting more random and stupid... ( http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comics/20080105.jpg )

" My world does not revolve around [insert source of drama here]. I am a strong and independant young man, and I CAN survive and be happy without her. My life should not suck just because of one girl, she cannot and will not be the center of my universe."

all of which is absolutely true. You have you, and chances are, you are more capble than you think you are. don't mope, just get rolling. As you roll along, your heart will thaw and it will feel better. Just force yourself to keep doing fun things, and eventually you won't be forcing yourself any more. Trust me.
All great advice.

I also get depressed at times, I think I may have a touch of anxiety, but I won't give in to it, so you just need to be strong and let it pass. Depression feeds on things that make you feel sad, and the more you think about sad things, the more depressed you get. After that you start to get that sick feeling, so you need to think about things that make you happy.

If you begin to think about that girl once again, you should close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Maybe you could also splash some cold water on your face. I tell myself that It's nothing to worry about, because regardless of who's around me, life is what I make of it, and no one can stop me from having a good time. And even if there are people who can get you down, you need to realize that there are other people who share these same feelings, and that no matter how alone you feel, you yourself will never truly be alone.

You've got a long life ahead of you, so keep your chin up.
 

Maverick E.S

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Aye, a woman.

I have had crushes before, but nothing like this. I fell head over heels for a girl. I saw everything I liked in her: beauty, humor, creativity, intelligence, kindness. I confessed my feelings to her, and she simply shot me down with more than a simple no.

I know that someone is thinking that relationships in high school are merely superficial and don't mean much. I realized this fact, but when love strikes this doesn't really matter anymore. I tried to cheer up, but everytime I saw her I just felt emptier and emptier inside.

Well, that about sums up how I feel. I realize that this is not the first story like this, and quite frankly, you don't have to give me any help whatsoever. I just needed a place to outline my thoughts for my own sake. But advice would be helpful, for I just can't seem to jump this hurdle and enjoy the things I have...

Dude I know exactly how you feel even tho i have friends and family just like you, they seem to me the same way yours are to you. And the girl, yeah it was practically the same, i thought she liked me,maybe she did but what happened was just wierd and means that she was probably just playing me, she was the only girl i ever liked enough that i would do just about anything for her. I have some advice that helps me:

*Draw or paint (Even if you don't or can't draw practice and buy books to help)
*Write(Me myself am have been writting for years now, I'm even writting books, so far I have 30 pages for my one,I would have more but I just got into making my stories into books.
*Listen to music that you really like


Believe me when I say this, Just don't give up on yourself, alot of Teens feel this way, and most likely this feeling will go away your loneliness and you will find another love that wil love you too if you keep searching..
 

Danica Syer

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Have you guys ever been friends before that? Maybe that'd be helpful and does she believe the bad stuff they talk about you, if she does that could be a problem.
 

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I want to be the first one on here to say that love is real, and can (but very very unlikely) happen with highschoolers (again, so no one is confused, extremely unlikely).

You are depressed, but u'll get out of it, you gotta kinda take this like Kingdom Hearts does with darkness. You have gotta fight with hope, light, being light hearted, kind. Remember, the ship doesn't run on sad faces. The more of a big deal you think this is, the more it will swallow you up.

With the girl, i've felt like that before, and i actually got the girl, u wanna kno what happened? WORST relationship of my life. Cheated on me too. But I decided to date one of my friends who i knew liked me, one that i didn't think was too bad but i wasn't "in love" with her when I asked her out. Now we've been together for 5 months on Saturday. So my advice to you is that some of the best relationships is with people you're not "in love" with.
 

CAB_IV

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I want to be the first one on here to say that love is real, and can (but very very unlikely) happen with highschoolers (again, so no one is confused, extremely unlikely).

You are depressed, but u'll get out of it, you gotta kinda take this like Kingdom Hearts does with darkness. You have gotta fight with hope, light, being light hearted, kind. Remember, the ship doesn't run on sad faces. The more of a big deal you think this is, the more it will swallow you up.

With the girl, i've felt like that before, and i actually got the girl, u wanna kno what happened? WORST relationship of my life. Cheated on me too. But I decided to date one of my friends who i knew liked me, one that i didn't think was too bad but i wasn't "in love" with her when I asked her out. Now we've been together for 5 months on Saturday. So my advice to you is that some of the best relationships is with people you're not "in love" with.

you play that game to much! its not like i go around telling people to stick their problems with plasma grenades! (although i have been quoted saying to use giant space lasers, which is an obvious reference to the GDI Ion cannon {AS SEEN IN MY AVATAR!}, but thats another story).
 

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Well I guess its my turn to conjure up some advice. Yeah?

You're having a lot of anxieties about life, and if you didn't I don't think you'd be normal. Try not to over think it though, you may just be over exaggerating to yourself. I'm sure your friends are still there for you through thick and thin and know if you felt this way they would try to make you feel better; the real ones anyways.

As for your family, I think that would really hurt them for you to think that they're just there to be there. I know that it hurts me when my sister says that I'm just "here". So think about that.

Then your problem with the young lady. Well, how did you go about telling her? What exactly did she say, because I couldn't imagine why she would just shoot you down like that. Thats just insensitive, and girls are mostly always sensitive to other's peoples feelings; the nice ones anyways ;)

If you like her so much, try to become really good friends with her. Let her know the good traits of you and the bad.. just don't go straight into "Ohhh your the most wonderful person in the world to me, lets get married and have a family" sorta thing. That scares people away (although I'm sure at 14, I'm over exaggerating a bit XD) Anyways, in this way you can show her what she's missing.

If you need anymore help, PM me or IM me. I'm always here to lend an ear.
 

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Cap'n Davy! Ye be adrift with no wind? Ach, that's a bad sign, a bad sign indeed. :unsure:


But any bad sign can go good and straight and clear.:thumbup:

I'm pretty much stuck the same way you are matey. Most of my 'acquantinces' are me friends, and most of my friends are like shoving your hand through air - just not there like friends should. Though they care for me, and don't want me going off and doing drugs, stuff like that.

Same with family, but we have our moments sometimes. Not as many as when I was younger, but some. Me and my older bro get along SOMETIMES, but cha.

And Morning Twilight's absolutely-bally well correct-al-mundo. I've got problems with depression; it comes and goes, you've just got to make your own KeyBlade to fight it's Darkness.

And some things just take more than KeyBlades to go through...like HEART!..okay that's over with sheesh. XP

If ya need anythin', Davy me ol' soul-taking shipmate, ye can let me know through the PM service or you may contact me via MsN.


Davy's Friend True 'N Blue - here if'n ya need meh matey.
 

khluva010

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Well, I never thought I'd post a thread here. But even my shallow knowledge of self-help can't pull me out of my current state.

Let's start at how I feel: alone.
aww I'm sorry, you can PM me if you ever want to talk. :]

It all happened one day, when someone suggested that I had friends for no reason. Suddenly, all of my friends were no longer there for me, just...there. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid, maybe I'm overly analytical, but I just suddenly felt seperated from everyone around me. Soon, everything I once knew was distanced from me; meeting with friends and family became more awkward, the funniest moments were cut off by pessimism, I was left out of conversations with my best friends. I'm not saying I'm not ever happy, it's just I feel empty inside, like all of the joy around me thrusts me away.
Well first off, who suggested it? One of your "friends?" I guess some people really do change in High School. Well you sit down with them and talk with them. If they're really your friends, they would care how you feel.

Another contributer to this feeling is... her.

Well, like my username's namesake, I have run afoul of that which vexes all men.

Aye, a woman.

I have had crushes before, but nothing like this. I fell head over heels for a girl. I saw everything I liked in her: beauty, humor, creativity, intelligence, kindness. I confessed my feelings to her, and she simply shot me down with more than a simple no.

I know that someone is thinking that relationships in high school are merely superficial and don't mean much. I realized this fact, but when love strikes this doesn't really matter anymore. I tried to cheer up, but everytime I saw her I just felt emptier and emptier inside.
Well that was harsh of her! :/ It's hard for me to give advice like this sometimes because I move on quickly. I guess try all in your power to avoid her and try to find a girl who likes you and respects you too. And definatly talked to your friends. If they are really trying to avoid you and what not, then find some new friends who will be there for you and you'll be there for them. Sorry if this doesn't help. :/
 

Davy Jones

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Well, its now basically July. Out of school, out of extracurriculars, yet still ensnared in myself

Pardon me for using the word "confessed" when talking about her. I was feeling ambigous and wordy, a strange side affect of whenever I feel down. Like a lot lately.

Let's review: basic points last time were I feel alone and lovesick. And that's basically the same thing now.

I: Loneliness

So, I was thinking of friends to invite to my birthday party, and I had a tough time scrounging up ten friends that I feel comfortable enough around to have a party with. Maybe its my paranoia from 'having friends for no reason'; I don't know. Lately, I've been noticing that I can't connect with people. Old friendships are nearly severed, and my friendships are like brain cells: once I lose them, there aren't replacements.

And the friends that I frantically try to maintain ostracize me. It might be as trivial as not listening when I call out or say the same phrase right next to them around thirty times. Or, they disregard my feelings and just say blatantly alienating stuff. I was in geometry, studying Trigonometry applications, and when the term "angles of depression" came up, one friend didn't hestitate to call out,"Hey, that's you!" During summer school, two friends explained to the teacher everything about my feelings for the aforementioned 'her' despite my implicit wishes for them to cease. The smallest things, like friends not commenting on a drawing I've submitted after I take time to look at, read, and comment on theirs. Paranoid? Maybe. Overly-Analytical? Can't say.

I have masochistic tendencies, another point of alienation amongst friends. Also, during the summer school health class, we studied suicide prevention, and my friends came up to me afterwards and advised me against suicide. Not that I need their counseling, but this just makes me feel worse.

Also, on some levels, I have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and my friends never cease to annoy me and poke fun at me by doing stuff that bothers me. It's small stuff, but 'great' old me sees it as a microcosm, one gesture = one friendship, or destruction there in. They also make fun of her and tell me how bad she is for me. This leads into the next point.

II: Lovesick

I hoped that once school got out my head would clear and I would get over these feelings. Ah, if only, if only. As I said earlier, 'confessed' was a bad choice of words. I had fallen for her, and a couple days later she asked me ,"Do you have a crush on me?" I said yes, and that was that. Now, she treats me as a pawn; she toys with me, and being a lovesick patsy, I'm only to ready to indulge in her games. It's as if she likes me one minute, yet not the next. She only really cares about me if I say any variation of the words "I" and "death" in the same sentence. Everyone says 'get over her' or 'she's no good for you', but I still hang on. Why? Perhaps I fancy myself her only defense from everyone else's harsh criticism, which makes her feel bad. I don't know. I wish I did.

III: In Conclusion.

Back to health class. For one, on the overall mental health sections, there were five characteristics of good mental health (positive outlook, positive self-esteem, autonomy, etc.), and after a thorough self-examination I scored...0/5. And on the suicide prevention chapter, I found that I had said and done some of the warning signs of suicide. I'm comfortable knowing that I won't commit suicide; I fear death to much.

All my friends have called me emo at least once a day. I don't cut myself, but as one friend stated, that doesn't mean anything. I can't say a sentence without someone picking out something to make fun of me for; I tried to have a deep discussion with the same friend, but I couldn't get past that I was a Boy Scout until he started laughing at me. I feel like a failure; I've failed my friends and family. My personal montra: people lie, and people don't change. As before, I really don't care whether or not any one posts any help; I really just need a place to put my thoughts into words to help. But should you choose to post, I readily welcome your suggestions.
 
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k.h.master41

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I found myself where you are not too long ago.

First, if you really feel so distant & have all these little things, now is the time to be quiet, & peacefully think things out. This may be a bit risky, but you need to think it ALL out, & argue all day with yourself until you can come to a conclusion.
Find yourself now.
& your friends, well you can another challenge.
Take their stupid jokes & throw them in their face, be the least emo & suicidal you can seem, & have fun with it.
You'll be a stronger person when you get through this. =]
 
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