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Character ► [ACCEPTED] Arcana User



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Valhite

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Now, return my friend's heart or pay the prices!

Name : Valhite a.k.a Obsidian
Age : 17
Gender : Man
Abilities : Utilizing the power of some Major arcana and some minor Arcana by summoning their power from each perspective Tarot Card. Each Arcana have their own power. Able to telekinesis the sword of Sword Arcana. Adaptable at close range combat with twin blade.
Appearance : Appeared as a normal boy with long sleeved shirt. But when he is known as Obsidian, he wears black shirt with black coat and black trouser with black sneakers. Also wears Black mask covering the eye until mouth of it's face

Major Arcana Abilities

Arcana 0 : Fool ( Passive ) : Ability to adapt with any environtment (such as failed assassination attempt)

Arcana 1 : Magician : Can use many elemental magic

Arcana 2 : Priestess : Increasing the effect of Cups

Arcana 4 : Emperor : Can hypnotize their enemies to kill themselve if the enemy somehow gkt the Emperor card in their hand

Arcana 7 : The Chariot : Change into Vehicle (jet, cars, Motorcycle)

Arcana 8 : Strength : Strength times 3. Speed drastically lowered

Arcana 10 : Fortune : Presenting the odd of an action (not too accurate)

Arcana 15 : The Devil : Ritual of devil for 7 minute, if uninterrupted an enemy will attack their own comrade for 5 minute. Must be done if the distance between enemies and the user is maximum 100 metres

Arcana 16 : Tower : Creating defensive structure capable of defending any kind of attack for 6 second. Cooldown 20 minutes

Arcana 17 : Star : Predicting the Enemy tactic by reading the star (not too accurate)

Arcana 20 : Judgement : Calling judgement from the heaven , random catastrophe will happen at the battlefield, either good or bad. Requiring all energy of the user

Arcana 21 : The world : Increasing the abilites of an Arcana User. Randomly activates if certain events occur

Arcana Universe : destroy the entire world by using 20 lives of full-fledged arcana user including the user

Minor Arcana

Sword Arcana : Summon sword from every sword arcana card (10 cards)

Cups Arcana : Heals from every cups arcana card ( 10 cards).

Not all Arcana are available at the beginning. Valhite must search for the lost treasure to fins the Arcana inside the Treasure. Now, He only has Fool, Magician, Chariot, Fortune, and Sword Arcana

Bio: A normal boy who life ruined by the Light. He is the descendant of the famous Arcana Wielder from the Keyblade War. He wields Arcana to fight the light and join opposing forces called "the rebellion". Known as Obsidian, he hides his true identity as Valhite from his friends and family, knowing someday he will become part of the chaos that destroy the world, he reluctantly accept his fate.
Other : Have pretty different traits personality between Valhite and Obsidian
 
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Chromatic

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I am going to risk overstepping my boundaries because I absolutely enjoy critiquing character sheets, etc.

If you're looking for acceptance, you should probably consider the following:
A) Specify each Arcana in terms of their powers/effects.
B) More than likely, reduce the number of said Arcana.
C) Biography... perhaps entwine it more into KH Canon/Lore? Strike that whole being the one that will someday destroy the world so he's not "uber-god-important"?

Sorry KitKat (and by extension Rena); couldn't resist mate.
 

KingdomKey

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Thanks ! Edited. You can review it again if you want

I find this newly updated version of your character acceptable. :D So welcome to Arcana, Valhite! Of course, I'm sure Rena will add input whenever she gets around to it, but I think you're good now to join us with what you got!
 

Mason Stark

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I am going to risk overstepping my boundaries because I absolutely enjoy critiquing character sheets, etc.

If you're looking for acceptance, you should probably consider the following:
A) Specify each Arcana in terms of their powers/effects.
B) More than likely, reduce the number of said Arcana.
C) Biography... perhaps entwine it more into KH Canon/Lore? Strike that whole being the one that will someday destroy the world so he's not "uber-god-important"?

Sorry KitKat (and by extension Rena); couldn't resist mate.
nah, you're cool bro lol xD I was gonna put in my input, but critiquing sheets is super helpful to everyone, so thank you! ;w;

And I still feel like some of the attacks are overpowered, so you may want to reduce the number of attacks by a few more. Remember: your character will have plenty of chances to earn new abilities during the course of the RP, so it's better to start off with a smaller number then build up from there.

But that's really the only thing I've got lol. If you can tone down some of the attacks or reduce the overall number, you'll be accepted ;w; Thank you!!
 

Valhite

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nah, you're cool bro lol xD I was gonna put in my input, but critiquing sheets is super helpful to everyone, so thank you! ;w;

And I still feel like some of the attacks are overpowered, so you may want to reduce the number of attacks by a few more. Remember: your character will have plenty of chances to earn new abilities during the course of the RP, so it's better to start off with a smaller number then build up from there.

But that's really the only thing I've got lol. If you can tone down some of the attacks or reduce the overall number, you'll be accepted ;w; Thank you!!

Thanks! Edited. Removing the Instant Death Arcana (maybe part of the Lost treasure if you may). And All arcana unavailable yet. Valhite must search for the Lost Treasure to get the missing Arcana. How's that sound?
 

KingdomKey

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Thanks! Edited. Removing the Instant Death Arcana (maybe part of the Lost treasure if you may). And All arcana unavailable yet. Valhite must search for the Lost Treasure to get the missing Arcana. How's that sound?

^ This should do. :D Of course, Rena would still have the final say, but some input doesn't hurt. And since you mentioned "Lost Treasure" it could be a good subplot and maybe open up another world like "Treasure Planet" potentially?
 

Valhite

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^ This should do. :D Of course, Rena would still have the final say, but some input doesn't hurt. And since you mentioned "Lost Treasure" it could be a good subplot and maybe open up another world like "Treasure Planet" potentially?

Yes that would be good:) kingdom heart treasure hunter? Would be great! With many mysteries and clues regarding the lost treasure!
 

Chromatic

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Arcana 4 : Emperor : Can hypnotize their enemies to kill themselves if the enemy somehow got the Emperor card in their hand
Arcana 15 : The Devil : Ritual of devil for 7 minute, if uninterrupted an enemy will attack their own comrade for 5 minute. Must be done if the distance between enemies and the user is maximum 100 metres

Speaking from the pure standpoint of a person whose character will, eventually, have to engage in interaction with this one, I find these to be of some concern.

Is there wiggle room anticipated/intended for the afflicted character(s) to resist the effects?

Another request I'd like to make, since it's a more logistical matter, would be that you define charge/ritual/recovery periods in terms of number of posts or rounds of posts. Puts things into better perspective (and, in the scheme of text-based RPs, gives you more leeway to get abilities rolling quickly).
 

Valhite

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Speaking from the pure standpoint of a person whose character will, eventually, have to engage in interaction with this one, I find these to be of some concern.

Is there wiggle room anticipated/intended for the afflicted character(s) to resist the effects?

Another request I'd like to make, since it's a more logistical matter, would be that you define charge/ritual/recovery periods in terms of number of posts or rounds of posts. Puts things into better perspective (and, in the scheme of text-based RPs, gives you more leeway to get abilities rolling quickly).

For Emperor, it's alright your character won't know me as Obsidian :). If by chance you know it, we would have to be enemies. Also, Valhite always keep good of his card. He won't let any of his card taken by friend or good guy. Even the good guy won't know Valhite has Tarot Card! :)

Aha your point there is awesome!! So, how about number of post maybe 5? But the post have to be connected with player trying to stop the ritual. That's why I need some back up there :). And for the time for the effect to be lasting out.... I have a great idea! It's like recusant sigil planted to the weapon! Opponent must take the weapon of their corrupted comrade! How's that sound? Anyway sorry I have made an incomplete and imperfect character... thanks for the correction!
 

Cassette-Disk

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I have a few issues as well, actually. Some of the arcarna skills seem unnecessary and are only there to pad out the whole deck while others have too much power for their own good.

Arcana 0 : Fool ( Passive ) : Ability to adapt with any environtment (such as failed assassination attempt)
Does that even mean anything? Being able to adapt to random situations is something that humans as a whole are able to do without outside help, especially people who are fighting in this kind of fantasy world.
Arcana 1 : Magician : Can use many elemental magic
In this setting this is kind of redundant. We're in a world where everyone has access to magic including healing magic, which makes the cups arcana needless. I guess this is just magic spells coated in a different paint job?
Arcana 2 : Priestess : Increasing the effect of Cups
If you were to merge the cups with the magician, you could instead have this increase all of your character's magic instead of limiting yourself.
Arcana 4 : Emperor : Can hypnotize their enemies to kill themselve if the enemy somehow gkt the Emperor card in their hand
u srs? This feels like an empty threat that's only there to pad out the deck some more.
Arcana 7 : The Chariot : Change into Vehicle (jet, cars, Motorcycle)
I hope you mean the card changes. Might be awkward if your character morphed into something. lol
Arcana 10 : Fortune : Presenting the odd of an action (not too accurate)
I'm not sure what this means. I'm assuming it refers to the chances of something happening, like a roll of the dice, but what would the purpose of that be? More padding, which is kind of a shame. The idea of using the tarot is interesting but you're kinda screwed from a lot of different angles.
Arcana 15 : The Devil : Ritual of devil for 7 minute, if uninterrupted an enemy will attack their own comrade for 5 minute. Must be done if the distance between enemies and the user is maximum 100 metres
u srs? The concept of time in an RP is really arbitrary to start with so needing seven minutes of being uninterrupted doesn't mean much. Plus, if and when it actually hits you're going to expect the opposing RPer to bend to your will? Of course not, it's another empty threat. Adding on to this, 'five minutes' again, means nothing. Saying 'five posts' is even worse because of how many actions can be preformed in five posts.
Arcana 16 : Tower : Creating defensive structure capable of defending any kind of attack for 6 second. Cooldown 20 minutes
In the tarot, doesn't the tower signify destruction???
Arcana 17 : Star : Predicting the Enemy tactic by reading the star (not too accurate)
Sounds unfun to fight against as a whole. One of the worst things about fighting in RPs is when your opponent dodges every strike.
Arcana 20 : Judgement : Calling judgement from the heaven , random catastrophe will happen at the battlefield, either good or bad. Requiring all energy of the user
Take it from a guy who used a character using cards as a weapon: wild cards aren't wild. When you have total control over what happens with your character nothing is truly 'random.' The best that can happen is you posting 'beams of light fall randomly from the sky,' to which your opponent would say 'narrowly avoiding being struck by a beam of light, [character] then...' because why would they allow their character to get hit by a random attack?
Arcana Universe : destroy the entire world by using 20 lives of full-fledged arcana user including the user
usrs? Another empty threat.

I had more to say, but I'll cut myself off there. Don't want to seem like too much of a high horse snob.
 

Valhite

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I have a few issues as well, actually. Some of the arcarna skills seem unnecessary and are only there to pad out the whole deck while others have too much power for their own good.


Does that even mean anything? Being able to adapt to random situations is something that humans as a whole are able to do without outside help, especially people who are fighting in this kind of fantasy world.

In this setting this is kind of redundant. We're in a world where everyone has access to magic including healing magic, which makes the cups arcana needless. I guess this is just magic spells coated in a different paint job?

If you were to merge the cups with the magician, you could instead have this increase all of your character's magic instead of limiting yourself.

u srs? This feels like an empty threat that's only there to pad out the deck some more.

I hope you mean the card changes. Might be awkward if your character morphed into something. lol

I'm not sure what this means. I'm assuming it refers to the chances of something happening, like a roll of the dice, but what would the purpose of that be? More padding, which is kind of a shame. The idea of using the tarot is interesting but you're kinda screwed from a lot of different angles.

u srs? The concept of time in an RP is really arbitrary to start with so needing seven minutes of being uninterrupted doesn't mean much. Plus, if and when it actually hits you're going to expect the opposing RPer to bend to your will? Of course not, it's another empty threat. Adding on to this, 'five minutes' again, means nothing. Saying 'five posts' is even worse because of how many actions can be preformed in five posts.

In the tarot, doesn't the tower signify destruction???

Sounds unfun to fight against as a whole. One of the worst things about fighting in RPs is when your opponent dodges every strike.

Take it from a guy who used a character using cards as a weapon: wild cards aren't wild. When you have total control over what happens with your character nothing is truly 'random.' The best that can happen is you posting 'beams of light fall randomly from the sky,' to which your opponent would say 'narrowly avoiding being struck by a beam of light, [character] then...' because why would they allow their character to get hit by a random attack?

usrs? Another empty threat.

I had more to say, but I'll cut myself off there. Don't want to seem like too much of a high horse snob.

For fool, my character aren't build for fighting. He is not a fighter. That's why he relies with his Tarot Card.

Then again, for magician,my character aren't fighter build. My character acted like a normal people. Not like a fighter with many foes. Just no. Without the Tarot my man is useless

It means like upgraded version of curaga that can heal many people at once . And again magic in magician doesn't have things like firaga blizzara. No. It's original magic

My character could place the card in weapon of enemy then the enemy is hypnotized

Yeah that's exactly what I mean lol

MY GOD I FORGOT THIS IS RP!!! So how about fortune arcana make me invisible?

You should read my post about the edited part for the Devil

Yeah but i couldn't think of anything else abiut attacking that isn't godlike...

Then how about it can't be dodged?

Then how about my own choice of catastrophe?

Then I will change it to find the Lost Treasures.

Thanks for the feedback :)!
 
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Cassette-Disk

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For fool, my character aren't build for fighting. He is not a fighter. That's why he relies with his Tarot Card.

Then again, for magician,my character aren't fighter build. My character acted like a normal people. Not like a fighter with many foes. Just no. Without the Tarot my man is useless

It means like upgraded version of curaga that can heal many people at once . And again magic in magician doesn't have things like firaga blizzara. No. It's original magic

I can dig that. They're his tools since he doesn't have the natural skills to hold his own.

My character could place the card in weapon of enemy then the enemy is hypnotized
But then we'd still have the opposing RPer having their character doing something they wouldn't want them to do, thus the powerplay. I've had to deal with a situation like this before and it's very frustrating. The power as a whole needs to be reevaluated, I think.

So how about fortune arcana make me invisible?
I guess that's a step in the right direction? I'm not really sure where to go for some of these powers. Like I mentioned, you're kinda screwed from a lot of angles when you try to make powers based on the tarot.

You should read my post about the edited part for the Devil
Yeah it works a little better that way, but again it's very frustrating from a writer's perspective to have your character's control taken away from you. tbh I'm not sure how to make a work around, but it's still something I wanted to bring attention to.
Yeah but i couldn't think of anything else abiut attacking that isn't godlike...
For sure, I was just bustin' yer chops since it's got the reverse idea going for it. (destruction card actually defends)
Then how about it can't be dodged?
You mean your characters attacks can't be dodged? Because that's the same issue in reverse, hahaha. It's all tricky, isn't it.
Then how about my own choice of catastrophe?

Then I will change it to find the Lost Treasures.
These are steps in the right direction, I think. Though maybe others might have other ideas for powers for these and your other cards as well.
Thanks for the feedback :)!
And thanks for being a good sport about it! I'm glad you're taking it in stride.
 

Valhite

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I can dig that. They're his tools since he doesn't have the natural skills to hold his own.


But then we'd still have the opposing RPer having their character doing something they wouldn't want them to do, thus the powerplay. I've had to deal with a situation like this before and it's very frustrating. The power as a whole needs to be reevaluated, I think.


I guess that's a step in the right direction? I'm not really sure where to go for some of these powers. Like I mentioned, you're kinda screwed from a lot of angles when you try to make powers based on the tarot.


Yeah it works a little better that way, but again it's very frustrating from a writer's perspective to have your character's control taken away from you. tbh I'm not sure how to make a work around, but it's still something I wanted to bring attention to.

For sure, I was just bustin' yer chops since it's got the reverse idea going for it. (destruction card actually defends)

You mean your characters attacks can't be dodged? Because that's the same issue in reverse, hahaha. It's all tricky, isn't it.

These are steps in the right direction, I think. Though maybe others might have other ideas for powers for these and your other cards as well.

And thanks for being a good sport about it! I'm glad you're taking it in stride.

Yup that's right sorry to not mention it earlier

Aaah so that what powerplay means :eek: . Thanks and sorry, my first time in RP (I have read the rules, guess what? Still confuse...) . Then how about instead of Hypnotizing, the Emperor command the enemy to Paralyze for....5 post?

I actually have the full set of the power but, it's kinda for animation and film or a novel (made by me!!) Where we can command the enemy, I forgot that RP is where unimaginable things will happen. I guess another mistake for a noob hahaha sorry..

Aaah how about The devil Arcana is used for summoning Devil? Then that devil would be controlled by me for some post

Then it would be called Reverse Tower then

Alright now i'm confused...

Is there any other would like to give me Feedback?

It's alright! I'm a noob in this kind of thing so any feedback would be really helpfull for me:)
 

KingdomKey

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I'll be giving feedback sometime tomorrow and help explain the way roleplaying works to you, Valhite. Unless someone beats me to it. :3 Since you're new to all of this after all. I'll edit my post later.
 

Valhite

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I'll be giving feedback sometime tomorrow and help explain the way roleplaying works to you, Valhite. Unless someone beats me to it. :3 Since you're new to all of this after all. I'll edit my post later.

Thank you KitKat :) I would be really grateful for that :)
 

SwagStarIV

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I like your character. I think your moves are actually perfect. Here's some more direct feedback. For your moves that require the element of time, meaning it takes time to reactivate or there's a time limit on how long its active. For short times do 2 post. For longer times do like 4 post. And that's just some guestimate numbers. For the comments about powerplay, honestly you look clear. Whoever chooses to be an ass and strip you of your weapon gets punished, and also if they don't act fast enough they may be punished. Sounds nice to me. Also, the fact that your character isn't battle prone means that he can be taken out easily, but that allows his attacks must be devastating. I understand your new, so just a tip. Being slightly indirect about the full impact of your powers gives you more room to bring that spontaneous feeling. Instead of stating:

Relic: An ancient artifact, told to hold the prowess of a meteor shower.

You can say:

Relic: An ancient artifact known for its destruction and habit to reap chaos about the lands that its user traverses.

You seem to have this down to a science, but the better you get at it, you will start to weed out the cry babies like CD XP
 
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