Fanfiction ► A waterfall of Tears

[Cicero]

Alright, here we go. I'm busy writing a bundle of stories, togheter titled 'A waterfall of Tears'. Its a bundle of 7 stories, and as the name might suggest they are emotional stories. The main character in all stories, a well as this one is Dolore, he's a diffirent guy in every story, as the stories are not linked together, as in; the same world and character and such.

Anyway, this is the first story of the bundle, and the first of two which are done. I want to ask your oppinion on this story; good, bad, could improve.
I don't know, just comment! =D.

I'll post the preview first, which is written in a poetry-ish style. If I get good comments I'll post the first chapter, and so on =).

A WaterFall Of Tears..

~Nihil lacrima citius arescit~​

The first Tear: Sin

My eyes watched the blood.
The blood, which slowly sought his way down, soaking my clothes.
I just stood there, staring, engulfed in a pain, which I had never felt before.
He came closer. I had to react.

The sun shined upon my sword.
My eyes followed its beams of light, till the image of blood marked my retina.
It was his dark blood that covered the blade.
He came closer. I had to react.

I stood there, watching the body and the blood soaked ground.
Tears filled my eyes and started running down my cheeks.
He came closer. I had to react.

His lifeless eyes seem to watch me, counting my tears.
I try not to notice them, those eyes full of pain, full of sorrow.
I turn around and walk away, but cannot escape.
He came closer. I had to react.

The screams and cries of battle bash against my eardrums, but I can’t hear them.
Swords clash, men crash to the ground; their last breath taken away due a piece of cold steel, but I can’t see them.
Raindrops pouring from the sky touch my battered skin, but I can't feel them.

I walk away, away from his eyes.

This is my sin.
The black sky will hunt me for it, but I won’t give in.

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Comment! =).

 

[dark invader]

This story is very deep. I really don't know what to say. You're style of writing is so amazing. Your desciption makes it seem as if you could be the person witnessing the act. Although, I really don't know the setting or what's surrounding this, but maybe it wasn't meant to be known. It wasn't very long, and if that was one entire story, then it has left me perplexed. But overall, this was very good, and I look forward to more from you!!

 

[Cicero]

Thanks for the review darkinvader! =D

However, this was just the preview of the whole story . I'll post the first chapter of the actual story today I think =).

 

[Story Keeper]

This story is very deep. I really don't know what to say. You're style of writing is so amazing. Your desciption makes it seem as if you could be the person witnessing the act. Although, I really don't know the setting or what's surrounding this, but maybe it wasn't meant to be known. It wasn't very long, and if that was one entire story, then it has left me perplexed. But overall, this was very good, and I look forward to more from you!!

I would have to agree with dark invader, I hope to see more form you.

 

[Cicero]

Chapter 1

First off: Thanks for the comment Kari'Heart! =D
Second off: The first chapter! =D
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1: Grave

“Why are you stopping, Dolore?”

The little girl asked me. I looked at her for a moment, but turned away the next second. She hurt my eyes. Her smile and happiness were too much for me to handle in my current state. I quickly looked back at the flowers, which I stared at before. A small cross rose from the ground, ready to take on the world. Flowers were placed around it, to honour the memory of the dead. Tears began to fill my eyes, which shocked me to be honest. I dried them with the edge of my sleeve and looked back at the little girl.

“I'm sorry, Chantal, let's continue.”

Chantal smiles again, watching me as I turn my back to the memory of a honourable man and walk further down the road. She doesn't seem to realise what the cross stands for.

After a few minutes of walking Chantal looks up to me.

“Is something wrong, Dolore?”

She must have noticed my silence.

“Everything’s ok, Chantal. Don’t worry about me. Let’s hurry up so we won’t get late.”

Chantal watches me as if she doesn’t believe me, but she doesn’t say anything in reply. I just walk further, further down the road, passing hurried men and woman. I wonder about it, why do they hurry? What is the point? They run through their lives, getting older and older as fast as they can…till they are to old to run, then they look back at their youth with desire and pain in their hearts. It doesn’t make sense…

“Thanks, Dolore. I’m sorry I let you watch over her.”

The young woman smiles, as Chantal raises her hands. I lift her up so she can kiss me.

“It was fun, Dolore.”

She says after she hugged me and I put her back down.

“No problem, miss. It was fun.”

I wink, and stroke the little girl’s hair before walking away, waving at the woman. I've taken care of Chantal for several times now. I met her mother, Sara, half a year ago. As a lone mother she had some trouble with taking care of Chantal, who is always casting trouble in my view really. I just stepped in and helped her out. We have been friends since then. I take care of Chantal if Sara’s busy, and she invites me to dinner sometimes.

A silent agreement.

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And that was it, the first chapter. =)

Now some notes to end my post:
The story will probably not make much sense in the beginning, as a lot of things aren't clear now, but I can asure you; everything will make sense in the end.

The text at the beginning; Nihil Lacrima Citius Arescit. This sentence is written in latin and says that nothing dries up faster than a tear.

Then the name Dolore; why did I use this name in all of the stories of A waterfal of Tears? Because the name Dolore means Sorrow, and as the stories are emotional I figured this was a good name. ^^ (Plus, I'm bad at coming up with names, so it's easier to use one in all of them xD)

Excluding the preview, this story contains 4 (reasonably short) chapters. Not much, I know.

I'll post a new chapter every day(The story is already finished, but need to rewrite every chapter because of the grammar and such), so chapter 2 is up tomorrow!

 

[Story Keeper]

Loved this one, Dolore taking care of that little girl as an agreement with her mom...that's so sweet, well see you with the next chapter.

 

[Cicero]

Thanks, Kari'Heart! New one will be up by tonight. =)

And! more comments please. ^^ :wub:

 

[Cicero]

On with the second capter! =D
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2. Lifeline

I’ve been raised by my biological parents. Loving people, A happy live. As any other kid I had to help with the housekeeping; my father wasn't rich enough to let me study, or to let me learn how to read and write for that case.
Thus, I had practically no other choice than joining the army at the age of 16. I wanted to do something else, but as before; my father had too little money. He couldn't buy me a spot in the workplace of one of the masters, and that was the only way to get a job without education. As a result I went to the army, which was free for anyone to join.

My life had become harsh and depressing in that army. Hard work and training were the most common things to do there. At first I had to work as any other beginning recruit; taking all the hard work, the most stupid jobs. But after two years I had worked myself up to an actual soldier, assigned in the second squadron of the sixth division. My situation became a lot better since then. Now I was the one ordering around, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the youngsters struggle. I felt proud.

Till my first battle.
I’ve never seen, heard, or felt anything like it. Thousands of men screaming, fighting, killing. Blood, disease, screams and pain: The best description of this horrifying battle.
Then there was the moment I killed the first man in my whole live…a moment that changed my view on life and death, a moment that changed me. It’s actually kind off strange, isn’t it? A life could disappear with just one snap of my fingers, one strike, one hit, piercing through a heart. With such a simple action a man, just like me, could disappear from this world, as if he had never existed. Those were the thoughts that ran through my head for months, over and over again. Not leaving me alone.

At the age of 27 I had faced numerous enemies, survived many bloody battles. The pain in someone’s eyes when you hit and the lifelessness afterwards…I got used to it. It couldn’t reach me anymore. The thoughts that had ran through my head during the first battle, were nowhere to be found during the last one. They were hiding in the labyrinth of my mind, not showing themselves. Well, I didn’t really mind, it made the battle a lot easier.

My live extended another year as my skills were noticed and I was called to the leading officer.

“I’ve heard of you, Dolore; promising words.”

The commander said to me, after I sat down in his office. I had just returned from battle and was dead-boot to be honest. I didn’t hear his words; old thoughts came back to me. My own voice ran through my head.

“…Isn’t it strange…?”

“…As if he had never existed...”​

“…One strike…”

“…One hit…”​

“…As if … never existed…”

Eventually the man who sat in front of me just a moment ago stopped talking, stood up and walked over to me. He padded me on the shoulder and wished me good luck with my new status. I raised my eyebrows in my confusion. I looked up to him, but didn’t see him. I couldn’t stop thinking about the sin I commit everyday.

“Is this what you give me in return?”

Those were the words that eventually left my throat.

“Is this what I get for taking the life of honorable men?”

He looked at me. I could see him doubt, and I know for sure that he had asked the same question when he was young. But he, as I predicted, didn’t say a word. He just looked at me. I sighed and stood up, walking past the man who had now sunken into thoughts.

I noticed being watched in the days after. I was given the responsibility of controlling the right flank in the upcoming battle. I’m not very happy with this situation. I always thought being an officer is a better life than the life of a normal recruit, but I had never considered becoming an officer myself. I know I can’t take that much responsibility, but I now seem to be the only one to think that…

Well, I can’t walk away from it anymore. I have to prove myself. Although I don’t know why, it’s just as easy to walk away…

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Comment. Now. =D

 

[Zen]

Very neat, with a nice structure, I like it!

 

[Story Keeper]

I still love this story so far, to bad you are only doing four chapters...anyway I can't wait to read the next chapter.

 

[Cicero]

Thanks for the comments you both! =D

Yeah the stories are a bit short, this one was eventually even shorter than now till I rewrited it. xD Ah, well.

Next chapter up tonight!

 

[Cicero]

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 is here. =D
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3. Preparations

I went back to the barracks, through the hall, into my room and sat down on my bed. The day of the battle came closer with every second. I had a lot of things to do, but I couldn’t move an inch as I sat there. The image of a laughing Chantal floated before my eyes, a sword cut through it, blood filled my eyes. I buried my face in my hands to escape from the picture.

“Such innocence…such sins.”

Someone knocked on the door. I looked up and shook my head, to clear my head, and to wipe my tears.

“Yes?”

A man opened the door and stepped inside.

“Ah, Kenneth. What is it?”

The man smiled when he replied.

“I'd like to invite you for a drink, sir. You've been away all day.”

I answered his smile.

“Quit the sir, Kenneth. That’s not for friends.”

I said to him as he left the room. I followed him, trying to think of something more cheerful.

I stood up early on the day of the battle, enjoying a long warm bath and taking my time to put on my armor. After I was finished I sat down on the most comfortable chair in the room to rest a bit. A man needs to rest well before he goes to battle, so I tend to do this little ritual every day of war.

A few minutes later I step onto the hallway, ready. When walking towards the lunchroom many men ran past me, busy preparing for the coming battle. The sound of men talking to their wife and children reaches my ears, even though they are behind closed doors. Men who say goodbye to there loved ones, as if they are already dead, and their wives, crying as if they had already lost their husbands.

Many faces turn my way as I step into the lunchroom. The faces of my men, men I have to lead to victory, men whom I have to protect. I sit down next to a simple table, ordering the usual. Everything seems right, I don’t feel the pressure of the battle at all, which is strange I'd say.

“Hello Dolore, ready for the battle?”

Kenneth asks me as he sits down next to me.

“I see you already wear your armor.”

I look at him as I lower the piece of bread in my hand.

“Yeah, I’m ready”

I replied a bit worried when I had cleared my mouth. Things looked a bit too right...

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Look like it's almost done. =O
Next chapter'll be the last one..

Ah well, Like always. Give me comments. Now. :angry: :blush:

 

[Cicero]

No comments.. =( Well, the last chapter!
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4. Reversed

It is happening again. Why is it happening? I look around, seeing only the brave men who fight to death. One man stumbles in my direction, but he doesn’t make it. His light fades away right before my eyes. He simply closes his eyes and falls. Thoughts off my first battle run through my head.

“It is all the same…”

I suddenly hear footsteps, my own footsteps. My body moved without my agreement. I stop and look up, confused. I stare into the face of a torn man. My body moves again, as if he has an own will. I take a step and strike, as I see light reflecting in my eyes. I look down.

My eyes watch the blood.
The blood, which is slowly seeking his way down, soaking my clothes.
I’m just standing here, staring, engulfed in a pain, which feels so familiar.
I came closer. He had to react.

The sun shined upon his sword.
My eyes follow it’s beams of light, till the image of blood marks my retina.
It is my own dark blood, which covers the blade.
I came closer. He had to react.

I’m standing here, watching the cold steel and my blood soaked clothes,
as tears fill my eyes and start to run down my cheeks.
I came closer. He had to react.

His eyes full of anger seem to watch me, smiling because of my pain.
I try not to notice them, those eyes full of hatred, full of demise.
He turns around and walks away.
I came closer. He had to react.

The screams and cries of battle bash against my eardrums, but I can’t hear them.
Swords clash, men crash to the ground; their last breath taken away due a piece of cold steel, but I can’t see them.
Raindrops pouring from the sky touch my battered skin, but I can't feel them.

I can only look up to the black sky, the sky were everything disappears.

Pale moonlight once shined upon my greatest of days,
lighting up the body’s and the blood soaked grounds.
The darkness has finally found me now, and I can only hope...it will take away my sins...

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So, this was it...and it will take awhile before the next story of A waterfall of Tears is done, so.. See you all around! Hope you enjoyed the story! If you did, please leave a comment! It will be much appreciated. =)

 

[dark invader]

Wow. The chapters are not extrordinarily long, but that is definately made up for by the emotional depth in each chapter as the story progresses. I truly loved this story, and although I wish that this story was longer, I know that it has already finished and there is nothing that I can do. I can only say that I am definately looking forward to later stories!!

 

[Cicero]

Wow.

Thanks dark invader! :blush:

I'm busy writing the second story now, but it'll take a while before it's finished... Anyway, thanks! Really appreciate it!