A Troubling Memory



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XIII Heartless

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I'm coming here because of the (relative) anonymity of this forum. I just...kinda wanna get it out somewhere.

Since high school, I've been bothered with this memory of an old family friend subjecting me to an...act of sorts when I was 6. When it first started to come to me a few years ago, I tried putting it off. I said it wasn't real. I said it was real, but that it had nothing to do with me since it was from so long ago. But it's always just sitting in the back of my mind, and I can't really shake it. I now have the full memory more or less recovered, and...well, it's a serious annoyance. I don't think my parents still keep up contact with this individual or his family anymore, but I'd still rather they not find out about it. Sometimes I think it may have contributed to the dip in self-esteem I underwent in high school (around the time I started to remember it), but I think it's just one of a few factors that led to that, so I don't really blame it for much of anything.

Anyways, maybe just telling someone, even you guys, will help. I don't know. I just want it out of my mind.
 

Cosmic+Amarna

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If you can see maybe a therapist or specialist who can help with repressed/unpleasant memories and things of the sort. Its good and I that think you are correct in choosing to acknowledge it. I know you said that you wouldn't want to speak about it with your parents but if you ever feel as though you should, I would recommend doing so (in addition to speaking with a professional).
 

ROXAS_32

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Sometimes times venting issues it the best way to clear you mind / coming to terms with them... If this issue is still haunting you (so to speak) even after all these years, maybe you should talk to someone that you are really close to....
 

theirlosthearts

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Until the degeneration of the mind in old age (or earlier when certain diseases/disorders are involved), you essentially have all of your memories. Some of them just come to the forefront of your thoughts more often/easily. So I wouldn't recommend trying to suppress the memory; even if you're partially successful, it will come back later. Trying to deal with it is probably the best course of action right now. As for how to deal with it, talk to someone, get it out, and come to terms with the fact that it happened. Don't let the memory consume you, and depending on the severity, you may want to seek professional help. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm available. Good luck.
 

XIII Heartless

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That's probably the only thing I have trouble with. When it does start making its way to the front of my mind, I can't really think about a few instances in particular since they're so....disturbing, I guess would be the word. Again, I feel like I'm doing fine now. But can suppressing bits and pieces of it have any real negative connotations later?
 

theirlosthearts

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Suppressing the memories can have negative effects down the road, but sometimes it's important to suppress(or just try not to focus on it) the memories until you're ready to deal with them. The longer the memory has time stew inside you, the harder it may be when it comes up down the road. But it's also important not to try to deal with it before you're ready. Again, talking with someone else (not necessarily in any detail) can help a lot with preparing yourself to come to terms with the memory. As for completely suppressing the memory, chances are (very, very high chances), you will remember it again someday, and that someday is a lot harder to deal with if you're not prepared.
 

Nutari

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If it helps mang, psychologists have discovered that we tend to reconstruct our memories. Meaning: at this point in time, it may have happened, but not to the extent you remember. You took the main chunk of the memory and had to fill in gaps, etc, etc. It's good that you are acknowledging what happened, but now, try to deconstruct the memory, as in letting it go. Find a way to come to terms, deconstruct it the same you started reconstructing it. Easier said than done, but if people can block out their traumatic experiences subconsciously, imagine the possibilities in a conscious state.
 

Roxie1563

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so, he's like reliving an memory within an memory, right? He remembers something, but can't get to it the correct way.
 

impart

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This must be really hard, the only advise I have to offer is something that helped me deal with some hard times in my life

try to face the fact that those things did happen and know that no matter how much you think of them, the only thing it will do is bother you, don't let those memories control you, or eat up you mind, you are the person you choose to be, and whatever happened to you has nothing to do with who you are now, try to look forward in life towards the future, and only look back at the good things in life, or experiences that you learned a valuable lesson from. Those memories only hurt you, so you dont need them at all, try to let them go.
 

Ezekiel

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Something really similar happened to me when I was about that age too, so if you need anybody to talk to about it or about anything really, I am available.

Following the advice everybody gave you on here would really help too.
 
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