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NCHammer326 is a comedic genius.
I'm glad someone is trying to do a BBS SHV, but this could use some improvement. Too much "funny" dialogue, not enough making fun of the game.
It sucked to me because of the following:
-Bad storyline (at least the execution)
-Lame dialogue
-Most of the characters were lame. The Organization members in KH2 were really just fanservice, which leads to...
-Too much fanservice for no reason
-Horrible characterization
-No skill needed; all...
I agree with everyone who said he was retarded in KH2, Sora in BBS was smarter and more mature than him. KH2 Sora ruined nearly every scene he was in.
"Don't mess with street rats!" = Lame.
"I guess you think you can psych me out by saying really random stuff!" = No, you're just retarded...
Likes - New outfits, no Kairi, new worlds (I hope they're actually good), plot is moving forward
Dislikes - Certain characters being in it (The Organization is lame, why don't they just die already?), Vanitas
Hopes - An optional boss that isn't cheap
Fears - An optional boss that is cheap
How bout MY LITTLE PONY?
{Spoilers for Return of Harmony}
Maybe Discord (unturned to stone by Maleficent) can try and break up the friendship of Sora, Donald, and Goofy.
Express likes for other fic writers, eh?
One of my favorite writers is madmuffin14 (creator of PokeSpe Meets Anime). Her story does have flaws, but it's still pretty funny. It really shows how dramatically moronic the Pokemon anime is. The sad thing is, the anime actually is this stupid.
Random: How bout one where they go to the Land of Ooo and Maleficent or someone else captures Princess Bubblegum for whatever reason?
Idk, I'll think about it more later.
Review in Progress:
There really doesn't need to be a comma after "heard".
Is one word.
This doesn't sound right when you say it out loud. It sounds like you said, "he was balding at the dark brown eyes at the top", which sounds stupid.
You don't need to use a ";". The paragraph...
Review in-progress.
This isn't in first person narration, neither do we know what you're talking about, so "this" should be "the".
Spell out numbers with letters.
You use the word "man" too many times.
Wow, not even past the first paragraph and already you're randomly tense switching...
Type your title properly.
Spellcheck.
You don't even explain HOW he got there.
"Was" is spelled wrong.
The apostrophes don't need to be there, and neither does "you". This needs to be worded better overall.
What's with the "though"?
Some of these words do not need...
Chapter 3 Review In-Progress
Capitalize the title properly.
"Did" is spelled wrong.
Don't use initials for "Castle Oblivion", it just looks lazy.
The first sentence isn't that bad, but it would be better if "by" was "through". Also, Xemnas really can't be surprised, being a Nobody...