Hey, thanks for the heads-up.
I read the fic, but I'm really sorry to inform you that fics with OCs aren't my cup of tea. I'm really, really sorry about that.
But you don't have to worry. I'm very sure that there are others who are interested in your work. Like KitKat, for example. She said she would help you, and I'm positive that she will. With input from her and other members, you're going to improve a whole lot over time. Don't be shy, and you need only ask around for help if you need some.
I wish you all the best for your writing journey!