I seldom post legitimate issues here, but I figured the nurturing environment of KHI always succeeds in rectifying my moral struggles (lol) so why not
If you're not ready for a WALL OF GOD DAMN TEXT, I suggest you back out now. But if anyone cares enough to read this, I'd deeply appreciate it.
I started dating a girl last November. We broke up 5 months ago, this December. I could write a fucking novel about everything that led to where we are now, as there are about 15 side-stories that each lead to their own issues, but only one remains at this point.
We had a very close solid relationship for the better part of a year after we overcame a few problems. What we had was nice, but looking back on it, after we broke up at the 6 month point, we shouldn't have gotten back together. I'm digressing a bit, but let me just throw my own advice in here: Getting back with exes should only be done if a substantial amount of time has passed, or a previously existing problem is completely gone. It will almost ALWAYS lead to the same problems after the initial "yay got them back lol!" happiness wears off, and you're right where you were. And just destroys what little bond you have left when it goes wrong, making the break worse than last time.
The first half of our relationship ended up being great, and then it became plagued with an issue- there was this one guy who was borderline obsessed with her. He would follow her in the halls in school every day, compliment her relentlessly, be an overall creep, and even hit on her openly on her Facebook wall. One day, after several complaints to her about him, to which she would reply "oh my god chill it's not like i'd EVER date the kid he's just my friend", I took it into my own hands. I pretty much commented his wallpost on Facebook saying "hey, it would be spectacular if you wouldn't hit on my girlfriend publicly in front of everyone! thanks!" or something to that affect. A couple of my guy friends laughed and gave me high fives, but you can rest assured she wasn't as amused.
What ensued was her getting angry at me and telling me to leave him alone. I approached him again, in private, attempting to give SOME respect to him so we could have a more legitimate conversation. Keep in mind that, regardless of him being obsessed with my ex girlfriend, he was just a total piece of shit. I hated everything about this kid. He was creepy, awkward, annoying, completely unfunny, and a total waste of human flesh in every aspect. Oh, and he looks like a skeleton. Seriously. He's hideous. In fact, I'll refer to him as Skeleton when neccesary. It was unimaginable for him to even date someone on my girlfriend's level. The only thing stopping me from stabbing him in the neck was my desire to live a life out of prison. It's that bad. I told him to stop hitting on her because he was blatantly disrespecting me in doing so, and instead of even denying it, he basically said "I don't care what you say. I'm going to keep doing what I want and if you get mad, so be it. I don't care if I'm overstepping boundaries".
This pretty much made me rage to unfathomable levels. It basically was a situation where I was telling her not to talk to some pathetic loser and he was being her emotional tampon and complimenting her every day and trying to replace me. I seemed like that douchebag with the football letterman jacket from the movie who was dating the attractive girl, and he seemed like the nerd who would end up winning her in the end. And quite frankly, I didn't feel bad telling her not to talk to him because he was an extreme interference in our relationship and was slowly trying to sink in deeper into her (lol no pun intended).
We would fight on and off about this until I began threatening him with violence (don't even tell me, I already know this was a bad idea). He then ratted me out to my girlfriend who began to side with her seemingly innocent friend even more. EVERYONE knew he was obsessed with her, but she denied it. I never ended up hurting him because I knew it would be the final nail in the coffin for our relationship, so I just gritted my teeth and tried to bare his existence. Then, summer came. We had a brief breakup in the summer which I need not get into, because it is unrelated. But in retrospect, I shouldn't have asked her back out. I was too weak to cut it off and denied that our problems would get worse over time. After our breakup we were stronger than ever and happier than ever. We falsely thought that after we had some time off, that things would be totally different and we'd have no problems. Little did I know where things were heading. Fortunately, since school wasn't in session, Skeleton couldn't follow her around in the halls all day anymore, and she was hanging out with me most of the time, so he couldn't sit there texting her all day.
Slowly and naturally, the problem with him lessened. Our relationship got better during the summer because at the time, he was the only true problem, and I undoubtedly had the best summer of my life with her. I decided to just let it go. I think he gave up when she had no time to talk to him anymore, and he realized that when she wasn't answering his texts, it's because she was at my house and I was fucking her brains out.
Then, to make things even better, he got a girlfriend! One of my girlfriend's best friends had just gotten out of a long, abusive relationship, and, was desperate. She started talking to the aforementioned creep when they met at my girlfriend's Sweet 16 party. She was so used to having such a negligent horrible boyfriend, that the shock of a guy who actually would try to compliment her was overwhelmingly perfect. Somehow they started up a relationship, and as puzzled as I was and almost disgusted, I knew it was a good thing for me. My girlfriend and Skeleton barely talked anymore, and she was only connected to him through being "his girlfriends friend", which I had to bare because it honestly wasn't that horrible. I still fucking hated this kid's guts though, and I still do.
Then everything got better! The end!
jk
School started up again. My girlfriend and I began to fight more. Like I said, I'm not going to get into details with every specific problem, but by the time December rolled around, or relationship sucked. I didn't lose feelings for her, but I just wasn't happy with the relationship. And, like our first breakup, I knew that if I broke up with her I'd regret it in a day and come crawling back. I became aware that this was a horrible cycle that just needed to end, because I was only staying with her for stability and because I didn't want to be alone. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do, but I knew that our relationship was going to progressively get worse, and in an attempt to salvage whatever we had left, I told her I didn't think we should be dating anymore. She was the first girl I truly loved and I knew this would take ages to get over. She agreed that things should end, and we told eachother we still wanted to be a part of eachother's lives.
I began to grief for a few days, but I told myself that good things must come to an end, and I shouldn't be upset that it was over, I should just be thankful that it happened. I had a solid highschool relationship and I should be happy and move on with my life. Easier said than done. We were still on good talking terms, but then, THE MONSTER STRIKES BACK.
Yes, our little friend from the first part of my story decided to strike up conversation with my (now ex) girlfriend. It went something like this.
"Oh it's good that you and Chris broke up cause I heard he was gonna cheat on you with that girl ____ and they've been planning it for months"
No you didn't, Skeletor.
Let me clarify right off the bat- that whole story was bull. I was friends with a girl from another highschool that was coincidentally close friends with Mr. Skeleton's girlfriend. This girl told his girlfriend that she thought I was cute, and the conversation diffused to our little friend. So, apparently he's been out to get me for the last year because he was bitter about how he never got with my girlfriend, so this was his last laugh, some rumor he spread that set my ex off the handle. A major fight ensued, she didn't believe me.
The problem ended up being resolved MUCH later, but the affect of his deed isn't what I'm focusing on, it's just the fact that he did it that reignited my settling hatred. I got my revenge, though, because I ended up convincing his girlfriend to break up with him. I laughed my ass off for a while about that one. I'd explain, but I'm digressing, so I'll continue.
My ex and I maintained a somewhat awkward friendship for the next 2 or 3 months, and I noticed a problem. Her and Mr. Skeleton became... best friends. It was sickening. Five times worse than what I had to experience the year prior to this. Now that she didn't have me to hold her back, she was giving in to him. He went back to hitting on her, complimenting her, and at the time she was an emotional wreck so she needed the self esteem boost I suppose. He somehow managed to develop a close bond with her, which sickened me.
Around March, I started to get feelings for her again, and questioned whether or not I made a mistake. I got mixed opinions from my friends, and I told myself I was going to talk to her about us one more time. I would do one more serious, well thought out romantic final plan to try to win her back, and if it failed I would drop it and move on. I just needed to know I truly tried to fix things before I quit, because I know nothing in life worth having comes without difficulty.
I was planning everything I was going to do and say, and getting everything together to try to redeem our love one last time, and getting ready to go to her house, when suddenly one of her friends tipped off to me that she was hanging out with the skeleton that night. At her house. For the love of God, if I ended up going to her house that would have been a slaughter. If I saw him there I could not be held accountable for the damage that I caused to him. Before her and I dated, she told me "Sorry I don't hang out with guys I'm not dating, I don't want to give them the wrong impression" and here she was on a Saturday night, with him at her house. So I completely drop my plans, drop everything, and sit at home, speechless.
Insert social networking drama here: I went home and made my Facebook status "ahahahaha, oh my fucking god", because I like expressing my vague feelings to the world. Apparently this wasn't subtle enough, because my ex saw it and apparently knew exactly what I was referring to. She then made her status "you should probbbably just give up now:] bye!". And of course, Skeleton "likes" it.
It hit me all at once: She has become a pathetic waste who honestly enjoys the company of this loser. Don't just think I'm being pretentious out of jealousy, almost everyone but her close friends are befuddled by why on Earth she talks to this kid.
I talked to her the next day. To sum it up, I opened with "I just want you to know, I'm not looking for a fight, but it's really upsetting that it has to be this way." She proceeded to play dumb and deny everything. I then spilled my guts about everything to her, how I still felt, and how I was upset at how spiteful she was being. She just said "was that all? cause I really don't have anything to say." I replied with "This may be the last conversation we ever have, so I don't want it to go unfinished. Please, when you come up with something to say, tell me. Bye." She merely said "Bye", without indicating whether or not she would follow up with anything.
I haven't spoken to her since that day.
A month passed. Skeletor began following her around in the hallways every period again, hovering over her like a freak. All her friends "called" that she liked him and knew he would be her next boyfriend. She replied with, (I swear you can't make this shit up) "AHAH NO I'D NEVER DATE HIM HE'S JUST A FRIEND TRUST ME, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS".
And then, a week later, she confessed her feelings for him. He asked her out. They are now dating.
This was the one, ONE thing I can possibly imagine that I can never forgive her for. I never want to speak to her again, because this is fucking revolting, hilariously horrible, and in a way, betrayal. This one meddling piece of shit that has tried to tear us apart for a year is finally getting what he wants, and she is miles out of his league. Everyone except for her close friends, like I said, is actually saying "what the fuck" about the whole situation, and 95% of the school thinks it's impossible that he has a girlfriend, let alone her.
If she broke up with him today and came crawling back to me, I would laugh in her face and completely reject her. I hate her, and I wish he was dead.
And, finally, here's the problem. Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about her. It's not because I want her back, because I'm disgusted. But I miss the past. I can't stop thinking about her and it's killing me. Nothing makes something harder to forget, than the desire to WANT to forget it.
This isn't how I want to remember me and her ending up, but I really have no choice. I'm only connected to her through anger, which is why it's so hard to let go. I know the only remedy for that is to forgive, but trust me, that's impossible. I'm so full of hatred about this. If her and I both made mistakes, I could slowly forgive her and we could be alright, but this was the one thing I could never forgive her for. I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for the times I didn't treat her like I should have, and I'm getting past some of my regrets, but this anger and hatred I have is keeping me stuck to her like glue.
We still haven't spoken since that last unfinished conversation, but every morning and every night I can't help but think of how things used to be.
All I want is to stop thinking about her, but it's impossible to let go if I need to forgive, because forgiveness isn't happening. I will never forgive this meddling twat and will always want him dead, and I will always resent her for doing this. This is harsh. I'm aware. But how can I let go of her without forgiveness? I need to move past this, and although I don't ever want her back, I still am stuck to the situation. I can't move on unless I stop caring about her in any way, shape, or form. Even though I hate her, that means I still care about her negatively. I'm in a shitty situation, as you can see.
Does anyone have anything they can say to console me?
If you got this far reading all of this. Thank you. I really sincerely appreciate any input, because this conflict has been dictating my entire life and I want things to be better for the summer.
PS. Fun fact- One, I saw them holding hands in the hallway, and when he went to grab her hand, she pulled it away and wiped it off on her pants. I lol'd. Seriously, she must think he's so gross, is she just doing it to spite me? God only knows
If you're not ready for a WALL OF GOD DAMN TEXT, I suggest you back out now. But if anyone cares enough to read this, I'd deeply appreciate it.
I started dating a girl last November. We broke up 5 months ago, this December. I could write a fucking novel about everything that led to where we are now, as there are about 15 side-stories that each lead to their own issues, but only one remains at this point.
We had a very close solid relationship for the better part of a year after we overcame a few problems. What we had was nice, but looking back on it, after we broke up at the 6 month point, we shouldn't have gotten back together. I'm digressing a bit, but let me just throw my own advice in here: Getting back with exes should only be done if a substantial amount of time has passed, or a previously existing problem is completely gone. It will almost ALWAYS lead to the same problems after the initial "yay got them back lol!" happiness wears off, and you're right where you were. And just destroys what little bond you have left when it goes wrong, making the break worse than last time.
The first half of our relationship ended up being great, and then it became plagued with an issue- there was this one guy who was borderline obsessed with her. He would follow her in the halls in school every day, compliment her relentlessly, be an overall creep, and even hit on her openly on her Facebook wall. One day, after several complaints to her about him, to which she would reply "oh my god chill it's not like i'd EVER date the kid he's just my friend", I took it into my own hands. I pretty much commented his wallpost on Facebook saying "hey, it would be spectacular if you wouldn't hit on my girlfriend publicly in front of everyone! thanks!" or something to that affect. A couple of my guy friends laughed and gave me high fives, but you can rest assured she wasn't as amused.
What ensued was her getting angry at me and telling me to leave him alone. I approached him again, in private, attempting to give SOME respect to him so we could have a more legitimate conversation. Keep in mind that, regardless of him being obsessed with my ex girlfriend, he was just a total piece of shit. I hated everything about this kid. He was creepy, awkward, annoying, completely unfunny, and a total waste of human flesh in every aspect. Oh, and he looks like a skeleton. Seriously. He's hideous. In fact, I'll refer to him as Skeleton when neccesary. It was unimaginable for him to even date someone on my girlfriend's level. The only thing stopping me from stabbing him in the neck was my desire to live a life out of prison. It's that bad. I told him to stop hitting on her because he was blatantly disrespecting me in doing so, and instead of even denying it, he basically said "I don't care what you say. I'm going to keep doing what I want and if you get mad, so be it. I don't care if I'm overstepping boundaries".
This pretty much made me rage to unfathomable levels. It basically was a situation where I was telling her not to talk to some pathetic loser and he was being her emotional tampon and complimenting her every day and trying to replace me. I seemed like that douchebag with the football letterman jacket from the movie who was dating the attractive girl, and he seemed like the nerd who would end up winning her in the end. And quite frankly, I didn't feel bad telling her not to talk to him because he was an extreme interference in our relationship and was slowly trying to sink in deeper into her (lol no pun intended).
We would fight on and off about this until I began threatening him with violence (don't even tell me, I already know this was a bad idea). He then ratted me out to my girlfriend who began to side with her seemingly innocent friend even more. EVERYONE knew he was obsessed with her, but she denied it. I never ended up hurting him because I knew it would be the final nail in the coffin for our relationship, so I just gritted my teeth and tried to bare his existence. Then, summer came. We had a brief breakup in the summer which I need not get into, because it is unrelated. But in retrospect, I shouldn't have asked her back out. I was too weak to cut it off and denied that our problems would get worse over time. After our breakup we were stronger than ever and happier than ever. We falsely thought that after we had some time off, that things would be totally different and we'd have no problems. Little did I know where things were heading. Fortunately, since school wasn't in session, Skeleton couldn't follow her around in the halls all day anymore, and she was hanging out with me most of the time, so he couldn't sit there texting her all day.
Slowly and naturally, the problem with him lessened. Our relationship got better during the summer because at the time, he was the only true problem, and I undoubtedly had the best summer of my life with her. I decided to just let it go. I think he gave up when she had no time to talk to him anymore, and he realized that when she wasn't answering his texts, it's because she was at my house and I was fucking her brains out.
Then, to make things even better, he got a girlfriend! One of my girlfriend's best friends had just gotten out of a long, abusive relationship, and, was desperate. She started talking to the aforementioned creep when they met at my girlfriend's Sweet 16 party. She was so used to having such a negligent horrible boyfriend, that the shock of a guy who actually would try to compliment her was overwhelmingly perfect. Somehow they started up a relationship, and as puzzled as I was and almost disgusted, I knew it was a good thing for me. My girlfriend and Skeleton barely talked anymore, and she was only connected to him through being "his girlfriends friend", which I had to bare because it honestly wasn't that horrible. I still fucking hated this kid's guts though, and I still do.
Then everything got better! The end!
jk
School started up again. My girlfriend and I began to fight more. Like I said, I'm not going to get into details with every specific problem, but by the time December rolled around, or relationship sucked. I didn't lose feelings for her, but I just wasn't happy with the relationship. And, like our first breakup, I knew that if I broke up with her I'd regret it in a day and come crawling back. I became aware that this was a horrible cycle that just needed to end, because I was only staying with her for stability and because I didn't want to be alone. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do, but I knew that our relationship was going to progressively get worse, and in an attempt to salvage whatever we had left, I told her I didn't think we should be dating anymore. She was the first girl I truly loved and I knew this would take ages to get over. She agreed that things should end, and we told eachother we still wanted to be a part of eachother's lives.
I began to grief for a few days, but I told myself that good things must come to an end, and I shouldn't be upset that it was over, I should just be thankful that it happened. I had a solid highschool relationship and I should be happy and move on with my life. Easier said than done. We were still on good talking terms, but then, THE MONSTER STRIKES BACK.
Yes, our little friend from the first part of my story decided to strike up conversation with my (now ex) girlfriend. It went something like this.
"Oh it's good that you and Chris broke up cause I heard he was gonna cheat on you with that girl ____ and they've been planning it for months"
No you didn't, Skeletor.
Let me clarify right off the bat- that whole story was bull. I was friends with a girl from another highschool that was coincidentally close friends with Mr. Skeleton's girlfriend. This girl told his girlfriend that she thought I was cute, and the conversation diffused to our little friend. So, apparently he's been out to get me for the last year because he was bitter about how he never got with my girlfriend, so this was his last laugh, some rumor he spread that set my ex off the handle. A major fight ensued, she didn't believe me.
The problem ended up being resolved MUCH later, but the affect of his deed isn't what I'm focusing on, it's just the fact that he did it that reignited my settling hatred. I got my revenge, though, because I ended up convincing his girlfriend to break up with him. I laughed my ass off for a while about that one. I'd explain, but I'm digressing, so I'll continue.
My ex and I maintained a somewhat awkward friendship for the next 2 or 3 months, and I noticed a problem. Her and Mr. Skeleton became... best friends. It was sickening. Five times worse than what I had to experience the year prior to this. Now that she didn't have me to hold her back, she was giving in to him. He went back to hitting on her, complimenting her, and at the time she was an emotional wreck so she needed the self esteem boost I suppose. He somehow managed to develop a close bond with her, which sickened me.
Around March, I started to get feelings for her again, and questioned whether or not I made a mistake. I got mixed opinions from my friends, and I told myself I was going to talk to her about us one more time. I would do one more serious, well thought out romantic final plan to try to win her back, and if it failed I would drop it and move on. I just needed to know I truly tried to fix things before I quit, because I know nothing in life worth having comes without difficulty.
I was planning everything I was going to do and say, and getting everything together to try to redeem our love one last time, and getting ready to go to her house, when suddenly one of her friends tipped off to me that she was hanging out with the skeleton that night. At her house. For the love of God, if I ended up going to her house that would have been a slaughter. If I saw him there I could not be held accountable for the damage that I caused to him. Before her and I dated, she told me "Sorry I don't hang out with guys I'm not dating, I don't want to give them the wrong impression" and here she was on a Saturday night, with him at her house. So I completely drop my plans, drop everything, and sit at home, speechless.
Insert social networking drama here: I went home and made my Facebook status "ahahahaha, oh my fucking god", because I like expressing my vague feelings to the world. Apparently this wasn't subtle enough, because my ex saw it and apparently knew exactly what I was referring to. She then made her status "you should probbbably just give up now:] bye!". And of course, Skeleton "likes" it.
It hit me all at once: She has become a pathetic waste who honestly enjoys the company of this loser. Don't just think I'm being pretentious out of jealousy, almost everyone but her close friends are befuddled by why on Earth she talks to this kid.
I talked to her the next day. To sum it up, I opened with "I just want you to know, I'm not looking for a fight, but it's really upsetting that it has to be this way." She proceeded to play dumb and deny everything. I then spilled my guts about everything to her, how I still felt, and how I was upset at how spiteful she was being. She just said "was that all? cause I really don't have anything to say." I replied with "This may be the last conversation we ever have, so I don't want it to go unfinished. Please, when you come up with something to say, tell me. Bye." She merely said "Bye", without indicating whether or not she would follow up with anything.
I haven't spoken to her since that day.
A month passed. Skeletor began following her around in the hallways every period again, hovering over her like a freak. All her friends "called" that she liked him and knew he would be her next boyfriend. She replied with, (I swear you can't make this shit up) "AHAH NO I'D NEVER DATE HIM HE'S JUST A FRIEND TRUST ME, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS".
And then, a week later, she confessed her feelings for him. He asked her out. They are now dating.
This was the one, ONE thing I can possibly imagine that I can never forgive her for. I never want to speak to her again, because this is fucking revolting, hilariously horrible, and in a way, betrayal. This one meddling piece of shit that has tried to tear us apart for a year is finally getting what he wants, and she is miles out of his league. Everyone except for her close friends, like I said, is actually saying "what the fuck" about the whole situation, and 95% of the school thinks it's impossible that he has a girlfriend, let alone her.
If she broke up with him today and came crawling back to me, I would laugh in her face and completely reject her. I hate her, and I wish he was dead.
And, finally, here's the problem. Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about her. It's not because I want her back, because I'm disgusted. But I miss the past. I can't stop thinking about her and it's killing me. Nothing makes something harder to forget, than the desire to WANT to forget it.
This isn't how I want to remember me and her ending up, but I really have no choice. I'm only connected to her through anger, which is why it's so hard to let go. I know the only remedy for that is to forgive, but trust me, that's impossible. I'm so full of hatred about this. If her and I both made mistakes, I could slowly forgive her and we could be alright, but this was the one thing I could never forgive her for. I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for the times I didn't treat her like I should have, and I'm getting past some of my regrets, but this anger and hatred I have is keeping me stuck to her like glue.
We still haven't spoken since that last unfinished conversation, but every morning and every night I can't help but think of how things used to be.
All I want is to stop thinking about her, but it's impossible to let go if I need to forgive, because forgiveness isn't happening. I will never forgive this meddling twat and will always want him dead, and I will always resent her for doing this. This is harsh. I'm aware. But how can I let go of her without forgiveness? I need to move past this, and although I don't ever want her back, I still am stuck to the situation. I can't move on unless I stop caring about her in any way, shape, or form. Even though I hate her, that means I still care about her negatively. I'm in a shitty situation, as you can see.
Does anyone have anything they can say to console me?
If you got this far reading all of this. Thank you. I really sincerely appreciate any input, because this conflict has been dictating my entire life and I want things to be better for the summer.
PS. Fun fact- One, I saw them holding hands in the hallway, and when he went to grab her hand, she pulled it away and wiped it off on her pants. I lol'd. Seriously, she must think he's so gross, is she just doing it to spite me? God only knows