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Fanfiction ► His Eyes Couldn't Lie (KHII)



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Ikkin

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Just a short little speculatory fic about the lies Riku told himself. Fairly dark.

***

Riku hated Ansem. Riku would have cut the darkness from his own heart with Soul Eater and taken himself out last, if Ansem would vanish too.

Yet, to restore Sora, Riku would have Ansem replace him. Ansem could do what Riku could not.

Ansem could overpower the Nobody who looked so much like Sora – Ansem could ignore Roxas' futile struggles, could squeeze him until he stopped moving, could deny him any semblance of a fair fight.

Ansem could stand aside (however uncomfortably) while DiZ replaced Roxas' entire life with lies – Ansem could watch the boy who had, with Sora's own words, refused to give in be twisted into someone who would no longer fight his fate.

Ansem could deny Roxas the truth – Ansem could allow Roxas to fade into Sora without ever knowing what he was or why he was sacrificed. (Ansem could, if Namine hadn't done the right thing in his place).

But when the light from Kingdom Hearts finally erased the shadow of Ansem from his heart, Riku knew only by his friends' reactions. Riku had not – had never – changed.

“Riku, you gonna take that off?”

Riku pulled the blindfold from his eyes and opened them at last.
 

Kiko Higurashi

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Wow, I never knew, or even thought of that. I think that you wrote an incredible short story!
Keep up the good work and good luck!
 

Ikkin

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Wow, I never knew, or even thought of that. I think that you wrote an incredible short story!
Keep up the good work and good luck!

Thanks. ^_^ The idea that Riku transformed into Ansem only for the power kind of bugged me, since he actually does have Roxas on the ground even before transforming. Plus, it's kind of fitting that the form of Ansem would allow Riku to use his darkness symbolically as well as literally.
 

Smile

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Oooh, I like. Short, yet powerful.

There were a few grammar and punctuation issues you might wanna look out for, especially in a fic this short and not say the crowded 6 word pages in font 12 I'm to go over right now.
Also, the brackets about Naminé I feel should be pulled out of the brackets and connected to the text as a whole. That shouldn't really be a side note, imo, but connected to show the contradiction between "Ansem" and "Riku", or possibly be the connection to when Riku removes his blindfold, showing that him even realizing his mistake at the time was proof of his Heart still being in tact.
Hum.
 

Ikkin

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Oooh, I like. Short, yet powerful.

There were a few grammar and punctuation issues you might wanna look out for, especially in a fic this short and not say the crowded 6 word pages in font 12 I'm to go over right now.
Also, the brackets about Naminé I feel should be pulled out of the brackets and connected to the text as a whole. That shouldn't really be a side note, imo, but connected to show the contradiction between "Ansem" and "Riku", or possibly be the connection to when Riku removes his blindfold, showing that him even realizing his mistake at the time was proof of his Heart still being in tact.
Hum.

Thanks for the critique. ^_^

The odd punctuation was quite intentional on my part - it's one of the things I like playing around with in shorter pieces of writing (since it's the kind of thing that would probably be obnoxious on both ends if done on too big of a scale).

As for the bracketed parts, they're separated out because of the contradiction, actually. They're things that Riku himself had put aside to keep believing the lie, and the brackets just represent that metatextually.
 

Smile

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The odd punctuation was quite intentional on my part - it's one of the things I like playing around with in shorter pieces of writing (since it's the kind of thing that would probably be obnoxious on both ends if done on too big of a scale).

The thing is, you missed out on a few, so it's not even style issues - it's breaking the language.

As for the bracketed parts, they're separated out because of the contradiction, actually. They're things that Riku himself had put aside to keep believing the lie, and the brackets just represent that metatextually.

I understand what you did, but to me, it seemed like rather the unnecessary context switch, in part because of the contradiction. It was something stuck in the middle that made you half lose out the flow.
 

Organization_42

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That's really good! I like how it's short, sweet, and to the point, and it sums up Riku's character nicely in a few quick paragraphs! Nice job!
 

Ikkin

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Ohh, I read this back at the NTWF. Never had the chance to review it, though. ^^'

(It's me, Nature.)

Very, very good job on this one, Ikkin! You gave more depth to Riku here and showed his true nature in KHII. It sounds sad but also hopeful in the end. Good job! :3

Figured it was you, with the Demyx/Larxene shipping. ;)

Thanks. ^_^ I think sad but hopeful is the only way to go with this scene; Riku just seems so broken and confused when he's given back his own form, but it still enables him to move on.


That's really good! I like how it's short, sweet, and to the point, and it sums up Riku's character nicely in a few quick paragraphs! Nice job!

Thank you. ^_^ I find Riku to be one of the most interesting characters, because he hides so much of his true motivations most of the time. I'm actually writing up a little essay about the way I see him, to try to get a better idea of what he's hiding.
 
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